Category Archives: Adult Children

Walking and Running

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Once in a while we hear this statement: “We’ll give a donation to your favorite charity.” I’ve always been intrigued by that, wondering if everyone actually has a favorite charity. If we don’t, maybe we should.

???????????????????????????????When our Aunt Agnes died (here being worshiped by our dog Toby), her will actually listed 17 favorite charities, with her estate divided accordingly. She was a practical example of generosity, but the importance of her big-heartedness didn’t end there. All giving brings pleasure to God, and hers surely did. But he isn’t necessarily looking for 17 favorite charities or even for big gifts. After all, he highlighted “the widow’s mite” in Scripture as a stunning example of good giving.

I think his main point was the woman’s attitude. Despite having little, she still gave. A question for all of us then is, how happily do we separate ourselves from the effort, money, or time we consider to be “ours”?

From personal experience I know this can be a lesson that resists learning, but if we’re stingy, maybe our hearts aren’t in a right place with God. If we give easily and joyfully, we know God is pleased. We also get the fun of “more blessed to give than receive.”

Cancer bandRecently I’ve become acquainted with an organization that exists to “advance research, support patients, and create hope for those affected by pancreatic cancer.” Although I’ve known about this group and others since Nate died of pancreatic in 2009, I’ve never done anything to help. It took Mary’s diagnosis, piled atop my husband’s, to motivate me.

Her children took the initiative, urging our extended family to sign up for an April 26th 5K walk/run in Chicago that’s all about pancreatic cancer. Though my last “race” was probably in the 1950’s, I’m good-to-go for this one, at least the family-friendly walking part.

Mary and Bervin’s home church (Moody) did some organizing, too, and put together a team of runners/walkers with a fabulous name: “Marchers for Mary.” Mary said, “I’d like to be there in some form or fashion. We’ll see. It continues to astound me the way people are giving and sharing, all because of my cancer. I just can’t get over it.”

Maybe this isn’t so much about “a favorite charity” as about Mary being our “favorite pancreatic cancer patient” right now. And even if she doesn’t feel up to the 5K walk, her testimony of God’s sufficiency through this life-and-death crisis is really the greater gift.

“Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” (2 Corinthians 9:7)

Mary’s Prayer Requests 

  1. For a sign from God to know which hospital/medical team to use for chemotherapy
  2. Mary requests that she “soak up” the powerful reality of the Easter story this weekend
  3. Praise she was able to return to the church ministry “Mom to Mom” this morning and do her part
  4. Praise for encouragement from the 5K team, “Marchers for Mary”

Party Time

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Night skyGod gives each of his children gifts, everything from a new day to a good night’s sleep. He gives relationship gifts like love and harmony, and physical gifts like homes, food, and security. He gives the gifts of opportunity, confidence, and freedom. He gives providential meetings, coincidences, and something we call happenstance. And there are others.

He also gives spiritual gifts, at least one to each of us. When we dedicate them to his purposes, he usually gives us more.

My sister Mary has used her spiritual gifts to benefit others, and as a result she’s been given many, one of which is hospitality. For as long as I can remember she’s been the hostess-with-the-mostess, happy to welcome people in. Her hospitality also goes out, in the form of food, flowers, gifts, and hours of service to anyone in need. Whenever a list is circulated asking for sign-ups, Mary’s name is on it.

Dinner...One of her (and Bervin’s) regular in-house gigs has been to invite their own grown-and-gone children back for dinner once a week. Naturally those living at a distance can’t make it, but for all those local, the welcome mat is out. Table talk is lively, and the evening ends with group games. The single guys appreciate a well-balanced meal, and the girls profit from watching a pro at work.

Several of my Chicago-based grown children have been on that regular guest list too, and I’ve appreciated Mary’s extra motherly care of them from my post in Michigan.

Catch PhraseThe week Mary was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer (mid-February), this group of 20-and-30-somethings had come over as usual, gobbling up pork roast, scalloped potatoes, asparagus, corn, tossed salad, and apple pie. Afterwards it was girls-against-the-boys playing the word game “Catch Phrase,” and Mary participated with her usual enthusiasm. That dinner, though, was her last hostessing for a while, since her focus was then pulled to hospitals, doctors, tests, and surgery.

Yesterday, thankful to be back in her own Chicago kitchen and feeling a bit better, Mary hosted a dinner for this same group of “kids”.

Dinner timeWhen I asked if she might be overdoing it she said, “It was so much fun setting the table again.” Not too many post-op patients are willing to make a meal for 10 big eaters. In God’s economy, however, when we use our gifts, we experience delight, not drudgery. Mary couldn’t wait to get at it.

photo(110)The guests ate heartily of Mary’s spaghetti casserole, but of course Mary didn’t get even one bite. Surely it’s difficult cooking for others without sampling, especially when your taste buds are calling loudly. But her body can only handle liquids by mouth and formula by feeding tube (see back pack). If all goes well, next week she might be given permission to introduce soft foods to her personal menu,

maybe even a bit of spaghetti casserole….. after it’s been enhanced by a blender.

“Be… hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined.” (Titus 1:8)

Mary’s Prayer Requests

  1. Pray for weight gain (still stuck at 109)
  2. Pray for Mary to “fix her eyes on Jesus” more and more
  3. Praise for the blessing of Moody Church (and its radio broadcast this morning)
  4. Praise for a good weekend visit with Marta and her safe travel from Arkansas and back

The Best Laid Plans

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SanibelThe last week of March is normally the pivot of my sister’s year because her entire family gathers to share a long-standing tradition: a vacation on Sanibel Island, Florida. That’s 1 husband, 7 children, 4 in-law children, 9 grandchildren, and her.

We can credit Nate with “finding” Sanibel, though it’s been on the map for quite some time. He first visited the island in 1966 on a college spring break with his roommate. Promising himself he’d return one day, he finally did in 1979, with a wife and 3 children in tow. Sanibel’s unsullied beauty charmed us all and brought us back year after year.

???????????????????????????????Mary’s family, vacationing on Marco Island farther south, occasionally visited Sanibel, and eventually we convinced them to vacation there, too. The island became our extended family gathering spot where even our elderly parents joined in. Though a family financial crisis kept Nate and I from regular vacations after 1990, Mary’s family continued the Sanibel tradition.

Actually, they’re supposed to be on the island right now.

Plane tickets had been purchased. Road trips planned. Deposits paid. Twenty-two people had all but put their clothes into suitcases when cancer was found. As Mary and Bervin pursued medical facts and an accurate diagnosis, they encouraged the rest of their family to head for Sanibel anyway. “All of you should go,” they said.

But not one of them would.

Instead, they rallied around their parents and committed to staying close by and available through the cancer journey. Not once have I heard a complaint or an if-only from any of them.

I had one, though: “If only they could have had their time in Sanibel before finding cancer…. Or maybe afterwards.”

That’s when God brought me up short, as he often has to do. “Did it ever occur to you I kept them from going to Sanibel on purpose, for My purpose?”

Here are the thoughts the Lord gave me: “There’s virtually no medical help on that island. Even the hospital located off the island couldn’t compare to the world class medical care Chicago and Rochester gave them. You didn’t see it coming, but I saw Mary’s 104.6 fever. And I saw her cancer. And I kept her home to facilitate immediate, expert help.”

He went on: “I also structured it so that 20 family members would have an ideal opportunity to show love to Mary and Bervin by setting their own disappointment aside and rallying around them.”

Oh.

When something in life blindsides us, it’s important to note the timing. In the Bible we see God unfolding all kinds of intricately timed plans in the lives of his people, and he’s still doing it today. My knee-jerk reaction about a missed vacation was, “What a shame.” A better response would have been, “I trust you to know best, Lord.”

Thankfully Mary’s entire family reacted with nothing but love.

7 kids minus Jo“Put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” (Colossians 3:14)

Mary’s prayer requests:

  1. For the newly-prescribed antibiotics to work well on the infection that’s developed around Mary’s feeding tube
  2. That God will work it out to head home Thursday to receive Marta (flying into Chicago from Arkansas Friday morning).
  3. Praise for some tomato soup today. Mary said, “It tasted so good!”
  4. Praise for reminders of God’s presence at Mayo’s. Today a volunteer piano player was singing and playing “How great is our God!”