Category Archives: Adult Children

Satisfaction and Joy

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ChefThe day Hans met Katy, he had no way of knowing how radically his life was about to change. In the 7½ years since then, he’s moved to England, been embraced by a British family he hadn’t known before, married their daughter, put down roots in a town in north England, and fathered 4 lively children. In less than a decade his life has changed in every category. Had he been given the details ahead of time, he wouldn’t have believed it.

Handyman

 

During these years, Hans has loved learning to cook, to fix broken things, to bathe and read to children, to preach sermons, to wash dishes, to teach percussion, and a wide variety of other things. And this 30 year old guy is a happy man.

Hans didn’t always walk closely with God, having several years of “crazy” in his past. But when he finally gave his life over to the Lord for his purposes, a world of satisfaction and joy became his. Today he’s a walking, talking example of Luke 6:38:

“Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full — pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.”

Who wouldn’t want God’s blessings “pressed down, shaken together, and running over?”

Bedtime story readerThe way to get that is in the first word: “Give… and you will receive.” Give first. If I had to summarize Hans’ life in  one word, it would be “giver”. From waking at 5:30 AM to give the best hour of every day to his Lord, until he and Katy fall into bed expecting to give to children during the night, Hans is a giver. What motivates him?

There was nothing unusual about Hans in his growing-up years, and as his mom, I can’t point to anything I did to contribute to his success story. If his father was here, he’d say the same. What, then, set him up for the satisfaction and joy he’s experiencing?

I decided to ask him tonight, and here’s what he said: “Discovering the Gospel continues to change everything for me. My identity is in Christ, and it’s essential to know who you are, and to be at peace. I’m forgiven by God and adopted into His family by the grace of Jesus Christ. Also, knowing that the Holy Spirit is keeping me gives me confidence, even when circumstances are difficult – which they often are.”

The teacher plays.Hans is an example of how lavishly the Lord is willing to bless anyone who is fully submitted to him, not necessarily with money or possessions but with abundant satisfaction and joy. And the good news is, God will do it for any of us.

One of Hans’ favorite verses: “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20)

You decide.

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Brand newWhen a new baby comes into the world, his or her needs must all be met by someone else. Newborns have no ability to help themselves, and if a baby bottle of nourishing milk was lying an inch from his or her mouth but wasn’t fed by someone else, the little one would starve.

Because of that complete helplessness, parenthood is a massive undertaking. Moms and dads can choose to do a thorough job or none at all, though thankfully most choose wisely and care well for their little ones.

 

Deciding what she'll hearSlowly but surely children take over the pieces of their lives, starting with holding up their own heads. Later they sit, crawl, walk, and feed themselves. But for many years, what they see, hear, taste, and touch is controlled by parents.

Why did God set it up this way? Why are babies so helpless and parents so powerful?

Surely he wanted families to bond, and serving the needs of another is a good way to start. (Babies are especially good at forcing that one.) But the best possible reason God did it that way was his wanting us to mimic his fatherly role in our earthly parenting so we’ll better understand why he fathers the way he does. That reasoning works with both the pluses and minuses of a parent-child relationship.

As parents we learn to love our children intensely (as he loves us) and discipline them fairly (as he does us). We figure out how to provide for our kids (as he provides for us) and learn to let them make mistakes (as he does with us).

These parenting parallels and many others help us understand God and his ways a bit better than we otherwise might. Even if we haven’t had children, referring back to our own childhoods is a good way to better appreciate our bond with God the Father. And it’s especially helpful when life isn’t going our way.

TantrumWe don’t like the negatives, the same way a child doesn’t like to be told no. But when we consider that most of our no’s to children are for their own good, it gets easier to cooperate with (and eventually appreciate) God’s no’s to us.

And as we let our children pay the painful natural consequences of their decisions, whether it’s a toddler’s or a teen’s poor choice, it dawns on us that many of the messes we still get into as adults are our own doing, too. And God lets us foolishly move into them “for our own good.” Stumbling through miserable natural consequences of mistakes we’ve made is a guarantee we’ll do better next time.

Eventually our kids do grow into conscientious adults. We aren’t responsible for them after they turn 21, but as we all know, none of them are left out in the cold after they launch. Instead, God takes over from there. And what happens after that can be exciting to watch…. in their lives and in our own!

“Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” (Colossians 3:20)    [….which applies to the adult children of God, too!]

Sense or Non-sense?

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Nate's album of carsBlogging yesterday about Nate’s photo album full of car pictures got me thinking. In every family a car purchase is a big deal. Sometimes the biggest deal isn’t a fancy new car but a “junker,” significant because it’s someone’s first car, bought with their own money as a teenager. Other times the big deal is a first new-not-used car, or someone’s first sports car.

As I thumbed through the album pages yesterday, my vote for biggest-deal cars went to the ones that had been in accidents. Though cars were damaged, drivers and passengers weren’t.

Nelson was safe.Like the time Nelson was driving on a country road as a college senior, studying a map. When he looked up, it was too late to avoid hitting a phone truck parked half-on and half-off the road. The car was totaled, but the driver’s seat and driver were intact.

Or the time Hans fell asleep behind the wheel driving home for a family reunion, rolling his car 3 times before landing upsidedown. A totaled car but not a scratch on Hans.

Or a potentially fatal accident when a car turned in front of Linnea, causing her to crash head-on into a concrete bridge support.

Birgitta was safe.Or the time Birgitta’s hood flew up against her windshield, blinding her view at 70 mph. It could have been fatal, but she was unharmed.

Or Klaus, unable to stop when a lady turned in front of him, crashing into her. Another totaled vehicle.

Or the time Lars was driving and his wheel dipped into a ditch, coming to an abrupt stop on a concrete pipe in the ground. The rounded imprint of his head and his passenger’s (Nelson) remained in the shattered windshield.

It’s those pictures that mean the most, difficult as it is to look at them. None of us can prepare for accidents which are, by definition, unexpected. But can we be ready in the sense of knowing what we’ll do in the aftermath?

Any one of our family accidents could have turned out differently, and there’s no guarantee they won’t in the future. I lost a close cousin to a car crash when she was 17 and a precious niece at 23. The question is, how do we cope with such seemingly random, unfair tragedies?

News reports are full of them every day, and none of us are exempt from accidents and the damage and loss they cause. (Ecclesiastes 9:12) When they happen, the first thing we want to do is make sense of the circumstances, and  that’s often impossible. But there is one rational thing we can do, and that’s run to God. He calms and comforts whether things make sense or not. Maybe especially when they don’t.

So as I closed the album, hoping no further accidents will ever occur, if they do, I know exactly what to do.

Ugh“I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.” (2 Corinthians 12:10, The Message)