Category Archives: Adult Children

Life Wisdom

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Mentoring programs are big nowadays, but they’ve existed since ancient times. Elijah mentored Elisha. Moses mentored Joshua. Naomi mentored Ruth. Paul mentored Timothy. And of course Jesus mentored his 12 disciples.

I’ve had several impactful mentors through the years, my parents among them. But the one who walked me through my youthful immaturities and stuck with me until she died at 92 was Aunt Joyce (married to my Dad’s brother). She let me live with her family three different summers in the 1960’s, gently counseling, instructing, and (yes) chiding me as needed.

My respect for her grew as I aged and took on more common characteristics with her: marriage, motherhood, and other adult ups and downs. Aunt Joyce never preached. Instead she coaxed me into new ways of thinking for myself. She shared examples from her own life and was careful to include failures as well as successes. The fact that she would disclose her personal struggles to me always felt like a gift.

Aunt Joyce never labeled herself as a mentor, and it wasn’t until we’d been “working together” for years that I realized I was her mentoree. She had others, too, and in her later years complete strangers approached her through church contacts, requesting mentoring. She never turned them away and viewed each relationship as a holy privilege.

One of the reasons Aunt Joyce was an effective tutor was that she never said, “You should… do this or that.” Instead she’d say, “Here’s something you might want to try,” or “I found this approach worked for me in similar circumstances.” She made it seem like the two of us were in it together, a team, even equal at times, though I was always the one getting the benefits. But if my steady stream of questions and needs drained her, she never let on.

Of course the ultimate mentor is God, and he’s willing to partner with any of us desiring to be his mentorees. As with all good mentors, though, he leaves it up to us to take advantage of it.

Adam and Eve had it made with their daily mentoring sessions in the cool of each Eden evening. But despite their Mentor’s flawless guidance, they only agreed with 90% of it. The 10% they tossed aside made a radical difference in their quality of life. We can contradict what our mentors tell us, ignore their counsel, or follow their advice and watch our lives change for the better.

Aunt Joyce lived a long, fruitful life and was a valuable mentor for one reason: her advice was always right-on. That’s because it came down to her from her own mentor, God. Since he was her foundational source, she could give an opinion with confidence.

I tried to follow her example in lots of ways, but the one she most hoped I would emulate was looking to God as the ultimate Mentor… exactly like she did.

“One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts.” (Psalm 145:4)

Pink or Blue?

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Tonight I attended a party that will always rank in my top 10. It was small (only 4½ guests) but extraordinary. The younger generation would call it a “Gender Reveal,” but the rest of us would just say, “We learned the sex of the baby!”

Since Birgitta’s last doctor appointment 3 weeks ago, we’d been eagerly looking toward today’s ultrasound. They said we’d discover if the baby was a girl or boy, and Birgitta was bursting with anticipation. By the time she was on the table, we were all giggling with expectation.

Louisa had driven from Chicago to get in on the fun and had told us about Gender Reveals. Birgitta said, “Why don’t we have one! It’ll make a great story for the baby some day.” And so the Reveal was scheduled for after dinner.

We planned to ask the ultrasound tech to keep the baby’s gender a secret from the girls, but to let me know. Then, after the appointment, I’d bake a batch of cookies, decorating half with blue sprinkles, half with pink. After dinner I’d hand Birgitta a cookie with the baby’s correct color on it, thereby revealing the gender.

During the hour-long ultrasound we were reminded of the medical purpose for the test: to check each organ, measure bones, confirm the due date, and amass baby-data for Birgitta’s doctor. Learning the sex would come last, if at all.

With strained patience we all studied the fuzzy black and white computer screen, squinting in an effort to make sense of the tech’s comments. “See that dark spot? A kidney. And that bright one? The knee cap.” Complicating the process was a busy Baby Nyman, all four limbs continually in motion.

We ooohed and aaahed over glimpses of a hand, a button-nose, a rib cage. When a tiny foot came into view, the tech said, “See those five toes?” We did, asking how big they were. “Well,” she said while measuring, “the entire foot is one inch, so you can imagine the toes!”

When reveal-time came, the girls turned from the screen, and I leaned in close. But baby kept us guessing. “The legs are tight together,” she said, bobbing her scanner up and down on Birgitta’s tummy. “C’mon, little one. Let us see!”

Ten minutes of persistence paid off, and when she said, “There!” I couldn’t tell what I was looking at. “I’ll show you,” she said, and with her keyboard she spelled out the sex on her screen. I was ready to squeal, learning the baby was the gender Birgitta was hoping for, but managed to quietly say, “OK, I’ve got it,” and the image was quickly erased.

At home the girls poured over name books while I decorated cookies, and by dinnertime when Mary arrived, I’d managed to hold the secret without giving any clues. Finally the time came to give Birgitta her special cookie. I’d plucked one from the bunch and wrapped it in tin foil for this important moment. Handing it to her you’d think we were about to announce the winner of a Nobel Prize.

When she peeled off the foil, she screamed with delight, putting both hands to her face in shock. The sugar was pink! And she was carrying the little girl she’d hoped to have.

Thank you, Lord, for this child of blessing. Although Birgitta is carrying her, she’s really all yours.

“The desire accomplished is sweet to the soul.” (Proverbs 13:19)

My First Mother’s Day (By Birgitta)

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Technically, today is my first Mother’s Day. I haven’t met my baby yet, but I think motherhood began for me about 3 months ago when I learned I was pregnant. I found out on February 14th, and it was quite the unexpected Valentine. My fears and worries eased as I gradually shared the news with family and friends and was surrounded by their love.

Tonight my family went out to dinner and enjoyed a Mother’s Day celebration together. Among other things, my mom gave me a pack of diapers, and I realized that I’ve never changed a diaper before. It’s hard not to feel a little defensive when people tell me I have no idea what I’m in for or how difficult this will be for me. My life has already changed quite a bit. I think it’s important for me to look for the good, happy, and beautiful things all around me as I move forward.

My mom has been a tremendous example to me of always focusing on the positive things. Her upbeat attitude is contagious, especially when it comes to my baby. I can’t forget how delighted I felt when I first saw my baby dancing around inside of me or heard that precious heartbeat for the first time. It’s amazing to think about the brand new life I’ll be a part of and the intense connection and joy I’ve experienced.

One year from now on my second Mother’s Day, I’ll probably have experienced some of what others have “warned” me about. But just the thought of being able to hold and kiss my baby has me eagerly awaiting that day and the whole year ahead!