Category Archives: Adult Children

It wasn’t easy.

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Some men go through life without having children, and some have only boys. In both cases, they’ve been spared one of life’s more difficult moments. They’ll never have to “give away” a daughter on her wedding day.

Little girls idolize their daddies. That’s the way it should be, since Daddy is their first reference for what God is like. In a best-case scenario, fathers evidence God-like characteristics toward their daughters: patience, kindness, love, goodness. If a daughter grows up in a relationship with this kind of daddy, it’s twice as easy for her to later relate to God as her loving heavenly Father.

Most fathers are fiercely protective of their daughters. Heaven help the person who intentionally harms them! This is what’s behind a father’s mistrust of boys who come calling during the dating years. Fathers see themselves as earth’s best security force for their little girls, no matter how big they get.

Then comes the greatest of all fatherly challenges, a daughter’s wedding day. Even if a man approves of his potential son-in-law, that walk down a church aisle to place his daughter’s hand in that of a young man can weaken even the strongest dad.

I remember my own wedding walk down the long aisle of Moody Church. Clutching my dad’s arm gave me a sense of security, and I knew if I got wobbly, he’d stabilize me. But what was he thinking? I never asked.

I did ask Nate, though, about his similar experience. He walked our Linnea down the aisle wearing an expression that said, “This is hard!” When we talked about it later, he said, “It was much harder than I thought it would be.”

And that’s the way it is for fathers who love their daughters.

But even in cases of poor fathering, no one needs to be without a perfect Father. God invites us to be his children, an offer that didn’t come without a “giving away.” Unlike earthly fathers who give away their daughters on a happy wedding day, God gave away his Son to an awful fate, a wrenching death he didn’t deserve. There is no greater sacrifice. Surely that day was excruciating for the Father, and yet he followed through.

Today we are able to reap the benefits of being children of that perfect Father. He is devoted beyond human capability and will never make the wrong call on our behalf. And if we wobble, he will stabilize us.

Although I was eager to have dad give me away on my wedding day, I don’t ever want God to give me away. And happily, he has promised he never will.

“To all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God — children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.” (John 1:12-13)

Getting Old

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My folks were married 50 years and 1 month before Dad died after a fall, at 92. Mom was only 79 at the time, 13 years his junior.

Although 13 years is a big gap between husband and wife, we kids thought nothing of it, because Mom and Dad made it work well. I remember only one incident, one comment, when their age spread surfaced. It occurred a few months before Dad died.

After they had spent an evening at our house, the two of them were walking toward the front door. Suddenly Mom, who adored Dad, said, “Carl, don’t shuffle. You’re walking like an old man.” (He was 92.)

In a way it was a compliment. She was saying, “I don’t think of you as an old man, so don’t act like one.”

After her comment, Dad picked up his feet, a compliment to her. He was saying, “I’m glad you think I’m still spry.”

Interestingly, after Dad died, Mom lived 13 more years, so God gave her the chance to know 92 as he had. Her conclusion? “Now I know why Dad shuffled,” she said. “He wanted to be sure he didn’t fall.”

With age comes wisdom, but sadly, while we’re young, we rarely value it and don’t often ask advice of our elders. All of us need to know the difference between being worldly wise and spiritually wise. I’ll take the latter, any day. Though the world reveres youth and sets the aged “out to pasture,” God thinks quite differently. He tells us in Scripture we’re to stand in the presence of the elderly and to always show them respect. Then he links both of those to revering him.

He put old people in important roles throughout the Bible and in doing so, highlighted their accomplishments for all time. But what were those accomplishments? Each one dealt with kingdom business, the stuff of eternity.

The world prizes financial wealth, political power, external beauty, physical strength, all of which will one day disappear. God values the things that last: sacrificial giving, humble hearts, godly character, faithfulness to him.

Elderly Christians shine in these ways, which is why the Lord allows them to flourish spiritually, even while they’re declining physically. It behooves us to get close to these people and glean all we can before they’re taken from us. And if you have trouble identifying who they are, just watch for a walk that’s more like a shuffle. It’s a sure clue wisdom resides within.

“The righteous… will still bear fruit in old age; they will stay fresh and green, proclaiming, ‘The Lord is upright; he is my Rock’.” (Psalm 92:14,15)

Back, and Better than Ever

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Some people name their cars. We haven’t, with one exception: college kids and their first vehicles.

The Chevy Nova with the Toyota engine that was first given to Hans as a student in Tennessee, should have been dubbed “Kitty” because of its 9 lives. Not only has it moved through multiple owners, it’s also had a coat of many colors: beige, green, blue, red, bush camouflage, Swedish flag and now snow-camo.

It’s name? “The Bean,” dubbed so during its green-bean color phase. A better name might have been “Everlast” or “Humilitymobile.”

Currently painted white and grey, a snow-camouflage, The Bean wintered in deep drifts behind a Michigan garage and this week was put back into service. It is Louisa’s turn to climb behind the wheel and start the car with a screwdriver. As she heads to northern Wisconsin to counsel at a high school camp, it’ll be The Bean that gets her there.

This car begs to be pulled over by police and often is. However, outfitted with legal plates, tags, registration and proof of insurance, it charms its way out of every ticket. As one officer said after pulling Klaus over, “I knew there just had to be something illegal about this car.” But he drove away disappointed.

Over the years, The Bean has taught us three valuable lessons:

  1. Don’t judge a car by its paint job (or rust spots, or engine racket). Look instead at its track record.
  2. Fight the urge to buy a classy-car image, because the snazziest cars sometimes clunk before 100,000 miles.
  3. Although an unkempt interior can cause embarrassment, it can still get you where you want to go.

Those 3 lessons happen to be biblical, and they apply to people, too:

  1. No one should be judged by his/her appearance.
  2. Everyone should project only an image of who he/she really is.
  3. A person’s dependability is more important than looking good.

As of tomorrow, Louisa will begin bonding with the humble Bean, and she has magnificent plans to personalize it: silver paint enhanced with glitter.

“Is that legal?” she said. “Just think how it would dazzle in the sun!”

She’d better anticipate double-trouble with police pull-overs. And there’s one more possible snafu that may result in a debate with her older brother Nelson about The Bean’s next make-over. He has already refashioned it in preparation for his own next venture, a 750 mile drive to the School of Biblical Studies he’ll be attending this winter… in snowy Montana.

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” (Luke 6:37)