Category Archives: Adult Children

A Healthy, Happy Husband

Posted on by

As we’ve moved through our last vacation day at Afterglow, I’ve missed my husband. When our family used to travel from home in years past, Nate wasn’t just my spouse. He was my same-age buddy, a pal, someone I could talk to and share with, knowing he’d see things from my same-age perspective.

Today for example, our last chance to pursue Northwoods activities, my vote was to travel 20 minutes into Upper Michigan to revisit the spectacular Bond Falls, but with the complication of baby naps and the guys wanting to fish, there were no takers. But if Nate had been here, he’d have gone with me.

This week of family time has brought several unexpected jolts related to the problem of not having Nate with me as a vacationing peer. Last night as we finished a late dinner, I watched and listened to our adult kids talking, laughing, moving in and out of topics, and suddenly I felt like a fifth wheel. It was a quick flash of, “I’m the odd-man-out here.”

I know the kids weren’t thinking like that, but as I looked around the table, my mental status made a major shift from co-parent to single mom, something that hadn’t occurred to me yet. And it felt awkward. Although the label “single mom” is accurate, it doesn’t dictate I’m now a fifth wheel around my children.

I miss my partner a great deal, especially at our shared vacation place. But would I have wanted him here this past week with piercing back pain, struggling to maintain his composure with crying babies and crazy schedules?

Would Nate have been able to cope with sleeping in a set of bunk beds as I have this week? Would he have been ok with the two young families using the two bigger bedrooms?

Would I have been glad he was with us if he’d had the cancer death sentence hanging over his head and ours?

“No” to all of the above.

The Nate I’ve been missing was the one who stacked all our vacation debris on a makeshift trailer and towed it behind a station wagon for 350 miles each summer. I missed the guy who taught the kids to bait a hook, cast a line, reel in a fish and fry it in a pound of butter. I longed for the man who’d been happy to ride double on a horse with a toddler, triple on a motorcycle with two pre-schoolers and who’d run off the high dive like he was a kid himself.

But that man, that pal, that father… can’t be here.

The bottom line, as always, is that our family scenario worked out this way because God orchestrated it as such. But I trusted him back when Nate was healthy and happy at Afterglow, and I’m trusting him now.

After all, Nate is, indeed, healthy and happy again. He’s just not at Afterglow Lake.

“Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” (Romans 12:2)

Is it an oxymoron?

Posted on by

Becoming a parent is to sign on for 20 years of intense, fatiguing work that ages a couple before their time. Why then do people say that having children “keeps you young?”

During these days at Afterglow, I’m observing this parental oxymoron up close, young parents in the throes of exhaustion while simultaneously gaining energy from their lively offspring. Children bring sparkle to life. God certainly knew what he was doing when he made babies so adorable. Dog-tired parents staggering toward the crib for the fifth time in one night melt when they see their little one, even when viewed through the fog of fatigue.

Watching all this baby-action at Afterglow, such a familiar location, brings back floods of happy memories of past vacations here when our children were young. They grew from babyhood to adulthood during our 25 years of visits to the Wisconsin Northwoods, and the photo albums bulge with proof of those joyful days together.

Last night as the 15 of us were finishing up a dinner of pork chops, baked potatoes, veggies, brownies and ice cream, Linnea disappeared and returned carrying a big gift-wrapped package, tied with a glittered bow. Skylar zeroed in on it right away. “Grandma Midgee! Open that blue present right now!”

She helped me unwrap one of the most precious gifts I’ve ever received, a scrapbook-sized, hard-bound book all about Nate. Beginning months ago, Linnea had gathered photos and texts from each of her siblings, including our daughter-and-son-in-law. Many of the pictures had been taken through our years at Afterglow, and the theme of the album was Nate’s love for his family.

I studied it carefully a second time after everyone was asleep, savoring the beauty of our family past and letting tears of gratitude come as I read again what each one had to say about their father and father-in-law. When I put my head on the pillow later, the thought resounded, “I have much to be thankful for with no cause for complaint.”

God wants us to have gratitude in all situations, throughout every day, and that’s all-inclusive. It includes the day we learn of cancer, the moment a husband/father dies, the hour of his funeral, the weeks of sadness that follow, and every circumstance we might encounter through the years. In recent months I’ve learned we can even be thankful while weeping. On its surface, this seems to be an oxymoron, but following these biblical instructions turns out to be the path of healing.

Although some things are harder than others to thank God for, I know one that’s always easy: my children/children-in-law. I’ve got the best kids in the world, despite every parent saying the same thing. Last night that truth was underscored when they presented me with their beautiful album.

Of course none of us will ever forget Nate, but now we have the treasure of this custom-made book chronicling his life in both words and photos to keep it all fresh… another reason for me to be grateful during this season of healing.

“Make thankfulness your sacrifice to God.” (Psalm 50:14a)

Preserving Traditions

Posted on by

Every family has its traditions, and most families work hard at creating happy memories through them. Children find security in routine, and part of that is revisiting traditions, “… because we always go there… always visit them… always do that…”

Just as children love to read and reread the same story book, they also love to repeat times of family togetherness. When our kids were growing up, they’d ask, “Are we going back to Afterglow this summer?”

What they were really asking was, “Are we the same family we were last year? Does everybody still love everybody else?” Establishing and repeating traditions is a first-rate family stabilizer.

Wednesday we traveled 475 miles to Afterglow Lake in the Wisconsin Northwoods to resurrect a week of family traditions and togetherness. Although we vacationed here for 25 summers in a row, we stopped visiting the year we bought our own summer cottage in Michigan, nine years ago. I’ll never forget the unsettled looks on our kids’ faces when we told them we wouldn’t be returning to Afterglow after that. Their objections were so strong we had to bottom-line the discussion with, “…at least for now.” Well-established family traditions don’t die without a fight, which proves their worth.

God has valuable family traditions, too. As his children we eagerly participate and are thankful for his consistency in these. When we take part in prayer and Scripture reading, we’re joining in on his well established traditions, put in place for our benefit. He’s also invited us to take part in the tradition of attending church with other believers, something else that benefits us with the gifts of fresh understanding and insight. God’s faithfulness in keeping his traditions is a tribute to his perfect character.

The Nyman traditions have never been on as high a plane as the Lord’s, of course, but some of the family-stabilizing ones we’ve loved most have been connected with the warmth and joy of past Afterglow vacations. For example, one favorite tradition born here was “Ice Cream for Dinner Night.” We’d all get good and hungry, and then pile into the station wagon for a big meal at Eagle River’s elaborate, old-fashioned ice cream parlor.

Round One might be a sundae or banana split, Round Two a malt or float. Only the brave went for Round Three, which could have been a loaded waffle cone with sprinkles as we walked out the door. The result of all this sugary goodness was sweet memories.

When we count traditions as important, in a way we’re modeling what God does for us as he demonstrates parenting perfection by being faithful to his own supernatural traditions. When we participate in these, he’s answering our question,  “Do you still love us, Lord?” By challenging us with Scripture, teaching us in church and answering our prayers, he’s saying, “Yes!”

So the next time we’re tempted to let a tradition go because it’s too much trouble or because obstacles get in our way, we should think twice and persevere. Our families will grow through these regular customs and experience a small sample of the security we feel as children of our tradition-oriented heavenly Father.

And now… what will I order first at the ice cream parlor?

“Every year, [Jesus’] parents went to Jerusalem for the Feast of the Passover.” (Luke 2:41)