Category Archives: Adult Children

Preparation Day

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Yesterday was Labor Day, but today felt more like it as we labored to pack for a family vacation. Although I’ve put more than 16,000 miles on my Highlander in seven months, there’s been no restful retreat. Beginning tomorrow, however, we’ll start an official pleasure trip to the Wisconsin Northwoods, a week together after the most strenuous year of our lives.

Our destination is nearly 500 miles from the Michigan cottage, so perseverance will be tomorrow’s byword. We’ll be heading for Afterglow Lake Resort in Phelps, Wisconsin, a destination dear to all of us. Nate chose it 33 years ago when Nelson was four, Lars two and Linnea a newborn. We’d never been so far north and were astonished by the striking beauty of aspen forests full of wild blueberries and quiet lakes reflecting clean skies.

We loved our week “up north” so much, we returned for 25 summers in a row. Unlike the unpredictable waters of Lake Michigan, Afterglow never varied with its still surface, absent of motorboats and their noise. The lake was always stocked with fish, and each cabin came with a rowboat for young fishermen to try their luck. Nate taught all our kids to fish at Afterglow, spending as many hours in a boat with them as on terra firma.

The freedom that was afforded children at Afterglow was a big draw, since they could roam endless acreage in safety. We required life jackets until age 12, after which we knew they’d survive if they capsized a canoe, slipped off a Sunfish or fell from a boat.

Five of our grown children will be on this trip, each one keen to revisit Afterglow. Lars mentioned that he and Nelson used to hide trinkets in the woods before we left each year, eagerly running back to check for them the next summer. They’ll be checking again this year, although nine harsh, northern winters will have worked to dislodge whatever they last hid.

As we leave, all of us are hoping to meet with the fun of yesteryear, but we know we’re taking a chance. Without Nate leading our pack, we may be in for some tear-filled surprises. But I firmly believe it was God’s idea in the first place that we return to Afterglow. Last Christmas, with Nate’s November death still so fresh and painful, I didn’t have the heart for Christmas shopping. Our spirits were flagging, and the only thing any of us wanted for Christmas was to have Nate back.

So I cried out to the Lord and asked him what to do. The idea for coupons under the Christmas tree promising a week at Afterglow Lake in 2010 was God’s answer. (See “Lowering Expectations” Dec. 26, 2009) The kids had been thrilled at the time, and we all looked forward to that distant day, hoping we’d be well on the way to healing by then.

And here we are, departing in the morning. Healing has been checkered at best, and none of us is sure how this will work. Our expectation isn’t to cling to the past or reestablish Nate’s tradition without Nate. We’re just trying to put a period at the end of a long, happy vacation story.

Or… because we’ll have the effervescent Skylar along with us, instead of a period, it might just be an exclamation point!

“Then Jesus said, ‘Let’s go off by ourselves to a quiet place and rest awhile’.” (Mark 6:31)

Welcome home!

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Our family has looked forward to today for many months. Nelson was scheduled to arrive home after literally traveling to the other side of the globe and back, leading a Youth With a Mission team most of that time.

We practically had to draw straws to determine who would get to make the run to O’Hare Airport to collect him, each of us wanting that quiet car-time to talk with Nelson before rapid-paced group activities and conversations began. Klaus “won”, so he and his girlfriend, BrookeLyn, did the honors.

When Nelson finally walked in the door at 9:00 PM, we were so wound up, we didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so we did both. What joy there is in reuniting with a loved one who’s been gone a long time! When Nelson left, it was still 2009. Now the end of 2010 is coming into view. Much time has passed, all of our lives have continued to move along, and we’ve missed having Nelson sharing in it!

But that’s the fun part of reuniting, catching up on all that’s occurred during the separation. On our end, since Louisa has spent a week organizing a shopping bag full of photographs, we can “show” Nelson what’s happened in his absence. But tonight, over a late casserole dinner, we heard Chapter One of his story, part of which was a description of life in unsafe countries. When the leader of a mission trip thinks it’s important to Google “the five most dangerous countries in the world,” that journey is bound to have some harrowing moments. We were grateful to be sitting across the table from our Nelson.

In thinking about reunions, I’ve often put Nate’s face and voice into those thoughts. But tonight as I considered this phenomenon from God’s point of view, I couldn’t help but think of Jesus. The Father and the Son, mysteriously united from eternity past in a way we cannot fathom, were separated only once: when Jesus left glory to be confined to time and space in a human body on earth.

How difficult was that for both of them? What did they say to each other as Jesus left his Father’s presence to become the babe of Bethlehem? How frustrating was it for them to be limited to conversing only through traditional prayer for 33 years? And there was the all-inclusive, supernatural separation that occurred when Jesus became sin for us on the cross, indescribable anguish for them both!

But… then came their reunion. As joyful as it was for us to put our arms around Nelson today, it couldn’t possibly compare to what must have happened between the Father and the Son when Jesus returned to heaven, his work completed. Surely this reunion was accompanied by the music and worship of every angel and saint in paradise! He was home, and the rejoicing probably filled the universe!

I have a hunch, because we’ve become children of God through Jesus, that we’ll receive an unusual welcome in heaven, too. It will be unmerited and overwhelming, but when we finally get there, we too will be… home.

“I heard a loud shout from the throne saying, ‘Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them’.” (Revelation 21:3)

Family Updates, Part II: Grandchildren

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Our family patriarch died of cancer on November 3, 2009. Within six months God had increased our ranks by bringing three new grandchildren to us. Nate and I have five grandbabies altogether, and I believe he knows more about each of them than I have yet learned.

A few years ago, when I was in my early sixties, I’d complained to more than a few friends that I was getting old without any grandchildren. Everyone I knew seemed to be “ahead of me” having the time of their lives with their little ones. Nate encouraged me by saying, “Don’t worry. When they come, it’ll probably be in a litter.” To my great joy, that’s what happened.

Skylar Grace – This sparkly little ball of fire was born in July of 2008, a miracle of God who came to be after doctors insisted a child would be impossible. She banished tears and brought laughter, and calls me Grandma Midgee. Because she’s been an early talker, we now converse over the phone like two regular people rather than an adult to a baby. In September she’s coming from Florida to visit, and I can’t wait!

Nicholas Carl – This little guy, born in January of 2009, already has dual citizenship in both the United States and the United Kingdom. His father took a British bride, and we are all wondering if Nicholas will have an accent like his daddy or his mummy. He arrived with a compliant personality and has been going with the flow ever since, giving his parents no trouble and learning life’s lessons with optimism and a smile.

Micah Nathan – Round as a butterball, Micah came to us three months after Nate died, in February of this year. He bears his grandfather’s name and will hear stories of who this man was, knowing him at least in this way. Watching a lively older sister is Micah’s favorite pastime, although mealtime runs a close second. I was hoping for at least one redhead, and Micah’s head-fuzz is hinting toward that end.

Evelyn Sarah – This little one, the female half of a double surprise blessing, arrived four months ago. The petite one of the pair, she makes few demands and finds security in the presence of her twin brother. They still sleep in the same crib, and when one wakes during the night, the other wakes, too, sharing meal time with mummy as a threesome.

Thomas Nathan – Since the name Thomas means twin, this little guy is aptly named. The fact that he’s a second baby-Nathan is double-joy to me and I hope one day to him. Thomas arrived weighing a pound more than Evelyn and has kept the weight-lead since then, growing tall well ahead of his petite sister. Several of us will be visiting the twins and Nicholas in October, refreshing relationships that span an ocean.

In Scripture, Job experienced losses in every life category including ten family deaths in one day. Ravaged with grief, he turned toward God and said, “The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away.” In our case, although our losses were not as catastrophic as Job’s, we say the same thing, only in reverse: “The Lord has taken away (Nate’s life), and the Lord has given us what we have (three new lives).”

Five little ones in 21 months? Now, that’s a litter! Job’s bottom line is ours, too: “Praise the name of the Lord!”

“ ‘The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!’ In all of this, Job did not sin by blaming God.” (Job 1:21b-22)