Category Archives: Aging

Siblings History Tour

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I believe God is in charge of putting every family together. That’s just the natural outcome of believing he’s also in charge of creating every life. He has a specific plan for who should live with whom, and sometimes he has to go to great lengths to gather specific family members together.

SiblingsIn our case, he set up a sibling group of two girls followed by one boy. Mary, Tom, and I knew that no matter what happened, our folks would always love us. Being confident of this was a blessing we only fully appreciated when we became parents ourselves.

As happens to most families, we each went off to college and then into marriages, and our together-times as siblings became characterized by the crowds of children that followed. But yesterday the three of us spent a day together as siblings, tracing our shared childhoods in a meaningful trip down Memory Lane.

We recorded our reminiscences as we went along (should any of our younger relatives be inclined to listen) and even learned a few new things about each other. What a delightful day it was!

Mary and TomAs we wove a path through Chicago’s streets and into the suburbs, we stopped at each of our childhood homes, along with favorite old hang-outs and the houses of friends.

We visited our old schools, kindergarten through high school, and though security said no to our requests to wander the halls, we did coax the high school guard to take our picture in a hallway that had changed very little since the 1960’s when we attended there.

As for looking back and remembering, I think God is all for it. Reminiscing, I believe, is one of the purposes of his written Word. He frequently prompted the children of Israel to remember what he’d done, in an effort to convince them he would continue to do wonders in their lives if they would only trust him.

Sibling history tourThe same goes for us. He wants us to look back, especially when times are tough, recalling how he worked on our behalf in the past. From that we gain confidence in his continued efforts in the future. Just as he encouraged then, he will always encourage. Just as he strengthened then, he will always strengthen. Just as he provided then, he will always provide.

Those are comforting thoughts during these days of uncertainty for Mary (and thus for the rest of us). No matter the details, God’s encouragement, strength, and provision will always be present.

Mary, Tom, and I ended our time together yesterday with a meal at The Corner Bakery, purposing to travel through “Part Two” of our histories (colleges, early apartments, newlywed days) on another day. There are more memories to uncover and more blessings to recall.

Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way… (Deuteronomy 8:2)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Please pray for safe travel tomorrow as our entire family gathers in Arkansas for Thanksgiving, at daughter Julia’s home.
  2. Pray for each family member as we all try to adjust to this uncertain time. May each of us learn to count blessings every day, no matter what. 

Mary’s Question

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Last Saturday Mary and I shared an afternoon of meaningful conversation while sipping warm spiced tea on a blustery cold day. “Let’s sit in the sun,” she said, appreciating the extra warmth on the couch cushions.

Though Mary’s cancer and the threat it imposes is the #1 topic on everyone’s mind, it’s difficult to know how to best talk about it, or if we should bring it up at all. From her point of view, she doesn’t want to cause others to weep over the situation, and the rest of us don’t want to add to her burden by dwelling on it.

SistersBut on Saturday, the conversation of two sisters flowed in the usual way, and we found ourselves talking through some of the really tough stuff. Mary wondered what she ought to be doing during these days of feeling fine and having good energy. Though she’s made up her mind to live each day to the fullest, what does that look like, hour to hour, day to day?

As we chatted about her options, her conclusion was that she just wanted to do the “normal” things she’s always done: spend time with the Lord; care for her home, family, and friends; continue in her church ministries.

And that’s the thing about a life submitted to God. When time threatens to grow short, no additions, corrections, or changes need to be made. There’s no scrambling to get things right.  “Continuing as usual” is the high-road thing to do. Mary can simply keep doing what she’s been doing all along, and God will continue to bless her and also those she touches.

Oswald Chambers says, “A saint is never consciously a saint; a saint is consciously dependent on God.”

Mary doesn’t have to make big changes, because her M.O. has never been to get brownie points with the Lord by doing good deeds. She hasn’t been keeping score by consciously tallying up which “righteous acts” will please God most.

Instead she has spent decades studying the Bible to figure out what obedience looks like and then putting that into practice.  Whether she’s running a meeting from behind a podium or sitting on the ground comforting an ailing animal, it’s all the same to her. Obedience to God’s assignments releases his power into Mary’s life and also the lives of those around her.

The Holy Spirit living within a person becomes visible in the way that person spends her time. Mary has never worried about whether or not she’s being “used” by God but simply loves him with her whole heart, and day-to-day goes about loving others more than herself.

“Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” (Colossians 3:17)

Praising and Praying with Mary

Tonight Bervin is both my praise (he’s a rock!) and my prayer request (that he wouldn’t be consumed with my cancer to the exclusion of other activities). I thank God for him and love his heart through these many months. Pray for strength to match whatever is ahead.

The Little Things

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Since Mary let it be known that her cancer has returned, she’s received an inbox full of emails and a mailbox full of snail mail. Her heart is being well fed by these kind messages.

Mary and son-in-law DrewThe other day she said, “It’s interesting what people are writing. Many are thanking me for helping them in ways I don’t even remember, little things that in the big picture don’t even matter. It’s stuff like bringing someone a cold drink or giving them a ride. Why people are thanking me for this kind of thing, I don’t know. It’s not even worth remembering.”

After we talked about it for a while, we concluded that maybe the little things really are the big things. For example, if we hope to do “big things for the Lord,” we might be missing the point of what he wants us to do. If Mary’s mail is any indication, little things can have a big impact.

I remember Mom experiencing the same thing. She was in her late eighties and had begun receiving calls and visits from long-ago Sunday school pupils who by then were middle-aged. The reason for their attention was always the same: each was taking a look-back at their lives, and Mom had factored in significantly. They were calling and visiting to acknowledge her and express gratitude.

“Thanks for being glad to see us whenever we came around. Those chocolate chip cookies you made were fabulous. And thanks for helping us decorate for the high school banquets each year.” Inevitably they listed “little things” that stuck out in their memories. And just like Mary, Mom didn’t remember most of them.

That’s the thing about any life well-lived. What he/she does by helping people is so second-nature, it goes unremembered. Being nice, thinking of others first, offering help, all become automatic and play out in a lifestyle that leaves a trail of blessings all along the way. Everyone sees it except the one doing the blessing.

As Mary’s mail attests, she is one of those unusual people. As for the rest of us standing on the sidelines watching, we’re learning that it’s the little things that really matter most.

“Do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.” (Hebrews 13:16)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. I’m thankful for today, a very full, very good Sunday.
  2. Please pray for the ability to take one day at a time and not look too far down the road; in other words, to be content with a flashlight, not a floodlight.