Category Archives: Aging

Getting to Know You

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About a year after Nate died, I discovered something new about him. Actually, two things.

FlashbackA guest at our home stumbled across a copy of “The Flashback,” a school yearbook published in 1958. It has Nate’s name printed on the inside flap, and his picture is on several of its 55 pages. Apparently Churchill Junior High School was brand new that year, opening its doors to 1000 students 57 years ago, on September 3, 1957. I went on line and learned the school is still functioning, although today it isn’t labeled “state of the art” as it was in the fifties.

Paging through the yearbook is a visual of American history. Girls wore skirts or dresses with saddle shoes and rolled down socks. The rule, wrote one girl, was “blouses tucked in or a trip to the advisor’s office.” The boys had short hair, tucked shirts, belts, slacks, no blue jeans.

Football teamSo, what did I learn about Nate?

First, I never knew he played football! I did know of his interest in the high school newspaper (the editor) and the debate team (the captain) but was surprised to see him kneeling in the second row with the team (far left). In 40 years of marriage I never saw Nate toss a football, and he attended school games only to see Hans play in the marching band.

The second surprise was his keen interest in girls. At the age of 12, he was already watching carefully. His yearbook has a penciled X next to the faces of those he considered cute and a line under their names. He’d highlighted eight girls in all.

I loved reading the farewell messages on the autograph pages, particularly the note from a buddy who mentioned one of the X-ed girls: “Nathan. To a good friend who kept me up (April 12, Sunday morning) to 2:00 AM on Marilyn and her features. Lots of Luck. Bruce.” Had I seen this gem a year ago, I would have asked Nate a few questions.

None of us can know everything about somebody else, not even a long-term spouse. That’s because we’re good at covering things up, and we don’t especially want to be fully known. But Scripture tells us God does know us fully, like it or not. It doesn’t affect what he feels about us, though, and what he feels is intense love.

Nothing we do surprises him or changes his mind about us. This is a huge relief, because it means we don’t have to play games or hide anything from him.

Yearbook photoI’m sure the 12-year-old Nate hid his feelings from Marilyn and never let her know how enamored he was of her “features”. But all in all, it’s probably best that she never knew.

“God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Chemo #8 went as usual today. I’m thankful for answered prayer about side effects continuing to be mild. Thank you!
  2. I praise God for generous, encouraging friends!

Flight of Time

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One of my favorite singers, Eydie Gorme, sang a song so thought-provoking that several years ago I wrote out the lyrics and filed them in a manila folder under “Time”, which was the name of her song.

She sang, “Back when I was young and summer was forever, ‘good’ was your first name.”

Nate on Healey StreetFor most people, good times fill their youthful years, along with hope for a happy future. I love looking at this picture of Nate taken in early 1971, because seeing him there in our first apartment, dressed as he is, floods my mind with good-time-memories. He was finishing law school, and I was teaching first grade. Although we had very few possessions and minimal money, it was all good times.

And then the clock began moving, ticking even as we slept. Nate graduated, we moved, he became a lawyer, I became a stay-at-home mommy. Seven kids grew up, went to college, moved away, and made us proud. We had weddings and then grandchildren. And in what seemed like a quick minute, time ended, at least for Nate. And my time as his wife ended, too.

Eydie sang, “Time, when did you begin trading your tomorrows for worn out just-todays?”

In January of 2010, when I’d been a widow for three months, I remember sitting in a chair at twilight, my hands in my lap, doing absolutely nothing but listening to the tick-tock of a wall clock. Immobilized by sadness, I didn’t know what to do. It seemed appropriate to just listen to time slipping away. I was worn out by grief, and life had morphed into a series of “worn out just-todays.”

The same wall clock is still ticking today, but I’m feeling much better. Sitting in a chair doing nothing isn’t something I want anymore. I remember Mom saying, as a new widow, “Life will never be the same.” I’m sure that thought floats through the mind of every new widow or widower who has had a satisfying marriage. It dominated my thinking for a long time, too.

It’s true that life can never be the same after a mate dies, and I know I’ll never stop wondering what today, tomorrow or next year would have been like, had Nate been with us. But today, tomorrow and next year can be good again. It’ll just be in new ways.

Eydie sang, “Time, you rolled into years, years that left me walking, when you began to fly.”

WalkingTime is indeed flying, and I may be walking rather than flying, but sometimes a long walk can turn out to be a really good time.

“The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong… but time and chance happen to them all.” (Eccl. 9:11)

Praying and Praising with Mary

  1. I’m thankful my nausea is mild after today’s chemo. Also, my painful feeding tube will most likely be replaced next week.
  2. Pray for strength and energy to cope with non-stop commitments for a week or so.

Learning or Leaning?

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This week I’ve been thinking a great deal about someone precious to me, someone I love dearly, my sister Mary. We’ve all heard the expression, “You can’t out-give God.” I can say the same about her.

Hard workerMary is a giver. She never “arrives” anyplace without something special to give, a flower, a small package, a framed photo, cupcakes, or any number of other things. She’s creatively thoughtful and not just with material gifts. Her greatest giving is of effort: a willingness to sit with someone who’s hurting or to serve others by chauffeuring, making a meal, or running errands. That gift of effort also demands time, and Mary cheerfully gives big chunks of that to others, even if it means quietly setting aside her own agenda.

Youthful sistersShe’s my older sister (not by much), and ever since childhood I’ve followed her around, counting on her to have the good idea or take the lead. For example, when I was three and still sucking my thumb, my parents tried to solve the problem by pinning my pajama sleeves over my hands. Mary had a better idea and took off the pins. No wonder I wanted to stick with her.

Now that we’ve grown up, had 14 children between us, and lived separately for more than 50 years, you’d think I could maneuver through life without leaning on her, but no. I’m still calling for advice, still loving time with her, and still appreciating when she comes up with an efficient plan to reach goals… even my goals.

She’s forever organized, the kind of person who doesn’t lose track of her phone, her keys or what’s written on her calendar, and while I’m often caught scrambling, she brings calm to every storm. After decades of watching her give to others, I’m still hoping some of it will eventually rub off on me.

Mary is an excellent example of doing what God wants us all to do. He set the original standard, then sent Jesus to model what earthly servant-leadership should look like. Mary takes time to study the life of Jesus and learn from him what she’s supposed to do. But beyond that, she’s willing to actually do it. The result is a demonstration of what faith in God looks like on an everyday basis.

???????????????????????????????When we gravitate toward people like Mary, in the process we’re actually leaning toward the Lord, because godly people have become godly only by living close to him first. Their counsel is a reflection of him, and their actions mirror the behavior of Jesus. I didn’t deserve such a fine sister, but I sure am glad to have her.

“Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.” (Hebrews 13:7)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. So thankful for answered prayer about the nausea! Today I had none and ate normally!
  2. Pray I will feel real gratitude for each good day God gives.
  3. Praise for the many cards and letters I’ve received, some of which I re-read today. A great blessing!