Category Archives: Aging

Arms Wide Open

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There’s no friend like an old friend. As the world is shrinking and people become more mobile, maintaining old friendships gets tougher. Hanging on requires a deliberate effort to stay in touch, and not just through social media. There’s nothing like putting your arms around a good buddy to nourish a friendship.

???????????????????????????????This weekend seven of us recharged some long term women-friendships. For 25 years we’ve worked to stay current with each other, but recently it’s become increasingly difficult. A decade ago we met monthly, rotating in and out of each other’s homes for evenings of conversation, laughter, and good food. These days, however, finding monthly dates has been impossible, partly because we’ve become grandmas with 43 grands between us.

When we finally do get together, though (this time after 7 months), something special happens. And we’ve just had a very special 24 hours. This was the first time we’ve been together since Mary’s cancer, and during our prayer time today, voices were catching and tears were falling.

Sunny friendshipsBut one of the reasons old friends stay friends is the absence of secrets. Looking around the table at breakfast this morning, it struck me that we seven know virtually everything about each other. We can ask any question and know we’ll get a thorough, honest answer. No subject is off limits, no games are being played. No one is trying to impress another, and there’s no one-up-man-ship.

ConnieThese are the friendships that mean the most to women, and I think to God, too. He wants us to set aside the goofy notion that we can hide something from him or keep him from knowing the whole truth about us. He’s hoping for transparency.

In the Gospels Jesus invites us into open friendship with him, offering to reveal his true self to us. After such a magnanimous offer, how can we refuse to “wrap our arms around him,” preferring arm’s length instead?

This weekend we began to understand that maybe the Lord wants us to view earthly friendships as a hint of what’s waiting for us in Paradise. One day we’ll have a camaraderie with Jesus that will far surpass even what we seven had this weekend. And it will satisfy our longing in an overwhelming way to finally be able to put our arms around Jesus, our true Friend.

5 of 7“I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:15)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Praise for a nourishing weekend with old friends, for sunny weather, and for feeling wonderful
  2. Pray for Monday’s chemo infusion. Mary said, “I know chemo is the right thing to do, but it’s a reminder of the difficult truth that I have cancer.”
  3. She said, “Pray I’ll find the right mental balance between denial (when I’m feeling good) and negativity (when I’m feeling nauseated).

This Day

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???????????????????????????????I have some note cards with an impactful Scripture on the front: “This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24) It’s a verse many have memorized because of its cheery philosophy, but I think the real reason we love it is because we hope some day we can do it.

Mary has been a champion at putting this verse into practice ever since she heard the words “pancreatic cancer” on February 15. Maybe that’s because when we’re healthy, we subconsciously think another tomorrow will always come.

Of course our brains know the truth. All of us will live a “last day,” and eventually another tomorrow will not come. But trying to apply it to the particular tomorrow that’s next in line is another thing altogether.

Hearing the frosty facts of possible terminal illness linked with our names, however, usually does the trick. That may be one of the many reasons God allows such frightening news to come to us. It’s an automatic jump-start to appreciating today.

I look back at Mary’s text messages from February and see how she has practiced being glad for each day. When I asked what she was doing one day she wrote, “I’m sitting in the sunshine that’s streaming through my windows. It feels great.”

Or when I said, “Is there anything you need?” she said, “I don’t need a thing. I’m surrounded by loving care every minute.” Or, one more example, “Are you nervous about today’s tests?” And she said, “My life is in God’s hands. He’ll get me through whatever comes.”

Mary’s behavior is a tutoring session in how to live out Psalm 118:24 (above). When our tomorrows become uncertain, we have no trouble ascribing greater value to our todays. I felt the same thing happen when Nate received his deadly diagnosis in 2009. Each new day brought new losses, but watching how fast he was changing caused each day to become enormously valuable, sometimes each hour.

One other group that’s good at being glad in their todays is children. They’re very adept at living in the now. This morning I found a picture (below) lying on my basement floor.

???????????????????????????????I have no idea where it came from, but the message was rich. I don’t remember who wrote it or what that particular day was about, but the gladness was so strong it funneled through that child and right onto the sidewalk.

As Mary and Bervin head into an uncertain future, it’s comforting to know she’s already mastered the art of appreciating each day. She’s following God’s specific instructions, and I’m confident he’ll reward her accordingly.

“I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me. No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice.My body rests in safety.” (Psalm 16:8-9)

Mary’s Prayer Requests

  1. For continued weight gain
  2. For peace of mind about the future, especially during the night
  3. Praise that pain from feeding tube is almost gone
  4. Praise for being able to travel to Michigan tomorrow

Weapons of War

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60-something baseballMy sister Mary has led a healthy life. She’s made wise decisions along the way, not smoking, drinking, overeating, or under-exercising. She’s avoided aspirin, Tylenol, and antibiotics whenever possible. The combination of those choices along with good genes, has resulted in a healthy life. No hospital stays except for giving birth, and no surgeries. She didn’t even have a doctor of her own.

Till now.

Suddenly she’s got a whole team of doctors. Cancer slammed into her life a month ago, and at a bare minimum, she’s majorly disappointed. If she let herself go to the maximum (which she hasn’t), she’d be scared stiff.

Mary’s healthy body has begun behaving badly. She might say, “That’s ok. I’m due.”

But in the dark of night anyone who’s experiencing a fresh challenge as she is can be emotionally jet-propelled to the disturbing thought, “What’s going to happen?”

But God is always way ahead of us and is ready for that question. When we’re lying in bed wide-eyed with anxiety, God steps out of the darkness and whispers, “Listen carefully. I’m well prepared for this, and if you’ll let me, I’ll get you ready in time for every new experience. And I’ll do that all the way through. Yes, ‘through’. You and I together will get to the other side of this crisis.

“I realize I’ve programmed you to plan ahead and make lists, which makes it all the harder to hear that your plans and lists must come beneath mine now. But here’s a new way to look at it. The reason I’ve let this crisis come is so you’ll learn more about Me and want to intensify your personal relationship with Me. I want you to want that as dearly as I do.”

God says all that and then waits for our response.

When we get sick, particularly with something as forceful as cancer, God is trying to teach a hard lesson about independence and dependence. In a health failure, for example, he’s letting us know we can no longer depend on our bodies to be a source of well-being. He is the only One who can consistently and permanently provide that, without failure.

Horses and chariotIn ancient times when kings needed to make a show of power and superiority, they turned to the biggest, swiftest resources of strength known to them: horses and chariots. With enough of those, they could win any war. At least that’s what they thought.

We know from Scripture that God conquered those horses and chariots in all kinds of unexpected ways: with confusion, loud noises, water, darkness, fire, and much more. With him it’s never about human weapons or strength but always about himself.

So we can view a health crisis as an ideal chance to discount a worrisome lack of resources and use it to get to know The Resource to end all resources: God All-Mighty.

“Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD himself, is my strength and my defense.” (Isa. 12:2)

Mary’s prayer requests:

  1. Praise for a loving, caring family, including those who have gone before
  2. Praise for long-standing prayer partners
  3. Pray for unwavering faith and trust in the Lord
  4. Pray for courage as surgery gets closer