Threescore and Ten

Today my sister Mary turned 70. Although she and Bervin were in Minnesota, I was thankful for the phone conversation we were able to have about this special day. Time on the phone was no small favor, since her loving, loyal children all checked in with her, too, making extra chat-time hard to come by.

My only question was, “How do you feel about turning 70?”

MaryBased on Scripture’s verse about a good length of life being threescore and ten years, her immediate response was, “As of today, I’ve had my allotted 70 years, so anything after this is a bonus. My overarching emotion is gratitude for the years I’ve had.”

She talked about the high quality examples in the generation ahead of us, our parents, aunts, and uncles. “They all got old, but none of them got old-and-crotchety. They didn’t complain but instead did a great job modeling how to positively handle aging.”

She talked about the skill of counting blessings. “It isn’t easy when life seems to be falling apart, but the Bible tells us to rejoice always and give thanks in all circumstances. It’s a mandate for us to dwell on the positive. God has been good to me, but he is good to everyone,” she said. “And he wants us to watch for his goodness.”

Mary and I have weathered a number of setbacks together, and I know she’s had reasons to worry during the night. But as she reminded me today, it’s best if we don’t brood too long over the hard times but choose instead to look for marks of God’s involvement. “They’re always there.”

Of course we couldn’t talk about turning 70 without touching on the physical losses. She said, “Yesterday we were watching little kids sled down snowy hills with abandon. I had to admit those days are over for me. But we oldsters get nearly as much pleasure from watching them as they get from sledding.” In other words, it’s not a bad thing to act our age. “I’ve decided I’m not going to dwell on all the things I can’t do, but all the things I still can.”

Then she added, “As the years go by, I know the aches and pains will begin piling up, and we have all that ahead of us. But we also have God’s promise that we won’t go through any of it alone. I agree with that blog post back in 2009 (Flashlight or Floodlight?) that it’s best if we don’t know what’s coming,” she said. “Worrying about tomorrow can subtract the happiness from today. It’s not wise to look too far down the road.”

Happy Birthday!Amen to that.

“All glory to God, who is able to keep you from falling away and will bring you with great joy into his glorious presence without a single fault.” (Jude 1:24)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MARY!

Bend and Stretch

Easy....No one is more flexible than a baby. The way they contort and pretzel themselves makes us wonder if their joints are made of bubble gum. At 11 months, Emerald has no trouble bending her legs straight up to her mouth and nibbling on her toes. She does it often, just for the fun of it. Somewhere along the way, though, gum-like joints change to stiff ones, and unless we’re constantly pursuing the training of a gymnast, we’ll never again put our toes in our mouth (which is not to say we’d want to).

Flexibility should continue to be, however, an important feature of our adult lives in ways other than physically. Take personal opinion, for example. How many of us stubbornly cling to our views even after someone else has made a different but valid point. Sometimes we rigidly refuse to listen at all, leaving others with a negative impression of us.

Older people are often labeled as “rigid”, most frequently by younger people. Since I’m a senior now, I’ve seriously considered this negative reputation, wondering if it’s true. Maybe our refusal to change the way we think is simply a result of more accumulated life experiences than the young. We might feel we “know better” and therefore resent the label.

The truth is, younger people aren’t the only ones doing the labeling. Don’t we oldsters sometimes see their flexibility and call it “youthful foolishness?” So who’s right?

Both groups are probably wrong. The trick to appreciating each other’s points of view is just to listen in love. But do I do that?

Last Sunday our pastor challenged us to insert the pronoun “I” into the Bible’s love chapter (1 Corinthians 13) as a way to assess whether or not we’re showing love to others. Here’s what mine sounded like: “I am patient. I am kind. I don’t boast. I’m not proud. I don’t insist on my own way. My love never ends.”

Ouch.

The holes in my supposedly loving flexibility were as evident as the holes in a young person’s professionally ripped jeans. I knew I had work to do.

For more than half my adult life I’ve lived under the same roof with teens and 20-somethings, and we’ve had our share of clashes. But God has tried to teach me all kinds of things through them, not the least of which is to be flexible in my thinking when hearing them out.

The older I get, the more this phenomenon of learning from the young proves to be a practical way to combat opinion-rigidity. They are pros at listening without judging, seriously considering one another’s take on things. I’ll never be as good at it as they are, but the more I’m willing to bend and stretch to listen lovingly, the greater the chance I won’t get opinion-stiff.

Nibble nibble!As for ever again being flexible enough to suck on my toes? I’d much rather be nibbling on Emerald’s!

“Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.” (Proverbs 18:2)

Which is best?

Yellow leavesThis morning outside my bedroom window I saw the usual leafy-green canopy but something else caught my eye: a branch of bright yellow leaves. Like it or not, fall is coming. I’ve always been a summer girl, but I guess every season has its grandeur, and it’s wise to recognize that.

Lately I’ve been trying to do the same with the seasons of life, recognizing the positives of each stage. Most of us have to fight wanting to be in a season other than the one we’re in, starting with childhood. Which of us didn’t long to be one year older than we always were? The privileges and perks of older ages seemed like carrots in front of a horse, forever just out of reach.

One more birthdayAt the other end of years we wish we were young again, facing the future with what we’ve learned in the decades since. Mom used to say, “I’m a 25-year-old trapped in a 90 year old body.” If wishing made it so, she’d have “stuck” at 25.

Why is it so hard to find contentment where we are? The answer is in a great quote I read the other day: “We need to get rid of expectations that don’t fit into this season of life.” It’s all about accurate expectations.

When we’re 45 years old and (as Dad used to say) “running the rat race,” it’s logical our time will be tightly budgeted, we’ll be working long hours, and our commitments will be many. When we’re 85, we’ll have to figure out how to use all the extra time we have. Different seasons require different expectations.

Wise people plan ahead for seasonal changes by figuring out what realistic expectations they should have. Then they think and act accordingly.

All of us have seen people unwilling to admit which life season they belong to. The other day at the beach I saw a woman close to the end of her winter age-season. She was wearing a micro-bikini, and it was difficult not to stare. I wished I could have heard the logic behind her choice of swimwear, but surely it was somehow connected to false expectations.

Scripture has interesting examples of God’s instructions to people in different seasons of life. For example, in Numbers 8 he says, “Men twenty-five years old or more shall come to take part in the work at the tent of meeting, but at the age of fifty, they must retire from their regular service and work no longer. They may assist…. but they themselves must not do the work.” (vv. 24-26)

That wasn’t to say God’s plans for the 50 year olds weren’t good ones though. He was just stating that he expected different things from people in different seasons. It wasn’t about right or wrong, good or bad, superior or inferior but only about different expectations.

Hint of fallAs for those yellow leaves outside my window? They hint that a new season is about to arrive. And my expectation is that it’ll be beautiful.

“Enjoy what you have rather than desiring what you don’t have.” (Ecclesiastes 6:9)