Category Archives: Aging

Happy Healing

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I became a widow at 64, and in the 22 months since then, it seems there have been endless new beginnings. It’s likely the first 64 years held more firsts than the last 2, but during early widowhood, everything seems problematically new.

Last week I got my first flu shot. I hadn’t planned on it, but the pharmacist was available, no one was waiting, and he advised me to take advantage of the protection. It was one more “new thing” without Nate. Had he been with me, we would have been doing it together.

As I left the pharmacy, I thought about the many vaccinations available these days, beginning with 6 week old babies. My children got more injections than I ever did, but as a result they didn’t have to suffer through mumps and several kinds of measles like my generation did. They also escaped more serious health issues like diphtheria, whooping cough, and polio. My grandchildren won’t even have to experience chicken pox.

These days adults can be vaccinated against pneumonia, shingles, hepatitis and the human papilloma virus. And I’m sure scientists are on the hunt for vaccines to prevent every ailment known to man. Too bad laboratories can’t come up with a hypodermic fix for the emotional ills of life. That’s almost certainly what the drug epidemic is about, an effort to inoculate against painful feelings.

Many of us would choose a bout with mumps or measles rather than suffer the sting of battered emotions. In taking a small survey of which psychological troubles people want most to be vaccinated against, fear was #1, because fear can precede all of the others: fear of heartbreak, fear of rejection, accidents, failure, sadness and many more. Fearing the unknown can be a disease, too,  assuming negative possibilities over positive. We’re all good at that.

Widowhood and fear go hand-in-hand, evidenced by our quick participation in the what-if game. What if I run out of money? What if I can’t get a job? What if I collapse and no one knows about it? What if there’s a break-in? No vaccination exists that can immunize us from these mental barbs, but we actually do have a remedy.

It’s a Someone.

God is the ultimate vaccinator. He can cure physical diseases when he so desires and also heal emotional malfunctions. With a thorough knowledge of our bodies, especially our minds, he’s a champion of understanding. His Rx is his Word, source of supernatural provision and endurance through everything that ails us. Scripture also includes prevention for much of it.

Just before I got my flu shot, the pharmacist handed me a pile of papers entitled, “What you need to know about the influenza vaccine, 2011-12.” Forewarned is forearmed. And in the case of emotional health, forearming ourselves with the instruction of the Word of God is the best prevention of all.

“For you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its rays.” (Malachi 4:2a)

It ain’t over yet.

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When I was in high school, I analyzed my parents’ lives as being nearly over, at least the good parts. Their days seemed boring, devoid of fun or freshness.

Now that I’ve traveled into and nearly through those same years, I have an amended viewpoint. As long as we’re still alive, new experiences will present themselves, some welcome, some not. But each is a chance to stretch, learn or overcome. Yogi Berra had it right: “It ain’t over till it’s over.”

While walking Jack last night the sky was crystal clear, and a full moon was nearly too bright to look at. My LED flashlight was unnecessary, and moon-shadows on the road created stunning free form art. As we returned to the cottage, I had a hard time ending the walk. It seemed wasteful to opt out of such a dramatic night.

Once inside, Louisa and I decided we needed to see what the beach looked like drenched in such bright moonlight. Jack was delighted with a bonus creek cocktail at 1:15 AM, and we were awed by the sand, aglow in silver. The lake bounced with light, flashing glimpses of colorful stones beneath the water. We wished out loud we’d brought our pillows and blankets.

What other wonders go unnoticed every day because the easier choice is not to go searching for them? And does it have anything to do with middle-age?

We all know older people who routinely plant themselves in front of challenging experiences. They’re committed to trying new things and lead lives marked by adventure and enthusiasm. Fresh conversational topics make it rewarding to be with them, and they focus on what’s possible rather than on what’s not. Youthful energy surrounds these seniors like bees circle a hive.

I’d love to be just like them.

There have always been oldsters characterized by forward-thinking optimism. God introduced us to 3 of them, Caleb, Joshua and Moses, in the pages of Scripture. These geriatrics had a fire for life well into their 80’s, each one eager to take on new beginnings whenever they could. No La-A-Boys or TV for this crowd.

I think God often waits for us to initiate something new. He’s looking for a willingness to embrace change or risk. After we take step 1, he might respond with steps 2-6, then present us with step 7. But he accurately analyzes hearts and loves a willing spirit. Who knows what wonders may be in store if we press forward rather than stand still.

Last night when I finally put my head on the pillow, it was into a pool of moonlight that had followed us home from the beach, squeezed through the trees above our cottage, and slipped through my window to remind me, “It ain’t over till it’s over.”

“Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when… challenges come at you from all sides. Don’t try to get out of anything prematurely.”  (James 1:2 The Message)

 

Fairy Tale Living

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When Nate and I got married in 1969, Pastor Sweeting asked each of us for a favorite Bible verse he could incorporate into our wedding ceremony. As a 24-year-old, I looked ahead to the fairy tale life Nate and I would lead, unaware of the twists and turns we would have to take. So I told the pastor my favorite verse was 2 Samuel 22:33: “God is my strength and power, and He makes my way perfect.” And that, along with Nate’s favorite, was the Scripture he used.

Life was perfect back then. I was a bride with a handsome groom looking toward endless bright tomorrows. Although I had only a perfunctory relationship with God, I thought my wedding verse summarized exactly how life would unfold: perfectly. At that moment, “my way was perfect,” though I don’t recall crediting God for any of it.

As the Lord would have it, though, life wouldn’t be the fairy-tale I’d envisioned. He loved me too much not to put some bumps on our road. In his view, hard times would be the reason I’d step closer to him.

Since those idyllic days of 1969, I’ve learned life may have brief moments of fairy tale happiness, but this side of heaven, that can’t be the theme. I’ve also learned that rough patches do have the capacity for joy buried in them.

In 2004 I was asked a second time about my favorite verse. Mom surprised us at her 90th birthday party, arriving with 23 gifts for her 3 children, 3 children-in-law, and 17 grandchildren: a Bible for each one, the style, translation and cover chosen to match the different personalities. Then she said,  “Next year when I turn 91, the only birthday gift I want is for each of you to write down your favorite verse from your new Bible and tell me why.”

I didn’t have to think long. Although 2 Samuel 22:33 is still God’s inspired truth, the verse I’d needed most often in the 35 years since our wedding, had been a different one. Despite my fairy tale expectations in 1969, troubles had, indeed, found us, and I’d needed God’s practical help, as well as a way to find joy within struggles.

I found both by claiming my special verse: James 1:5.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”  

God hopes his Word will come in handy for us. He says it’s alive and able to empower us to get through each dilemma that comes. As we use Scripture for everyday purposes we’re actually linking up with eternity, because God’s Word is established in heaven.

And maybe when we get there, instead of relying on one favorite verse, we’ll automatically have the whole Bible memorized, a grand finale’ unmatched by any fairy tale.

“Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.” (Matthew 24:35)