Category Archives: Aging

Give and Take

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My dad was a conservative Swede. Wanting to minimize risk, he decided to wait a while before marrying. When a firecracker of a young woman came into his life and proposed, he fell to cupid’s arrow and married her. He was 42, and his bride was 13 years his junior with the energy of a young kid. Even as an old lady, Mom’s incredible pace was a marvel. Dad would shake his head and say, “You should have seen her when she was young!”

When Dad grew older, he shared his thoughts on getting married in middle-age. One of his comments has always stuck with me: “Since I got such a late start, I never expected to live long enough to see my children graduate from high school.”

But God took care of that, and Dad saw his three kids graduate from high school, college, get married and bring 15 of 17 grandchildren to him. His greatest joy was studying each one and alerting their parents (us) to special character qualities he saw in them. He reminded us of the importance of new life and was a model of exercising patience with children.

“Before you judge them, look at it from their point of view,” he’d say. He relished his role as a grandpa.

Fifteen months ago, Nate and I had the spectacular joy of becoming cousinsgrandparents, too. Skylar Grace came to our Linnea and Adam through remarkable circumstances. (See Linnea’s “bio” page on her blog: www.KissYourMiracle.com ) Five months later, Nicholas Carl arrived through Hans and Katy and is now a nine month old citizen of both the UK and the US.

Eight months after that, Linnea and Adam surprised us with the news that Skylar would have a baby brother in February! And now, during this stressful month of cancer discovery and daily sadness, God has surprised us again (and also Hans and Katy) with news of twins arriving in April! And the frosting on this family cake is that Linnea’s baby is due on her sister-in-law Katy’s birthday, and Katy’s babies are due on her sister-in-law Louisa’s birthday. God’s creativity and gift-giving leaves us speechless!

As Scripture says, the Lord does take away but he also gives. (Job 1:21) To think of three new babies arriving into our family during this time, a season of adversity and mourning, is nothing but God’s lavish outpouring of blessing.

“For the Lord is good. His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation.” (Psalm 100:5)

“Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?” (Job 2:10b)

baby twins N

baby boy C

Three score and four

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Today I turned 64. All I can think of is the Beatles’ song:

“Will you still need me…

will you still feed me…

when I’m sixty-four?”

Those words, recorded by Paul McCartney in 1966, have been on a loop in my head since I got out of bed this morning. Trying not to feel threatened by the number 64, I’ve comforted myself knowing Paul couldn’t have been very old when he wrote it. Most sixty-somethings can still feed themselves. (In researching it, I learned he was only 16. It figures.)

The Beatles song is said to have been the longing of one young lover to another, the expression of a hope that their relationship would be a marathon, not a sprint.

Feeling nostalgic, I took a look at my own young loverhood via youthful diaries. Reading through the “capers” of my teenage self dating seven boys at once, reminded me of the biblical tag, “youthful foolishness.” But that was me. In searching for the perfect date, I was really looking for the perfect mate. So did I find him?

My “Dear Diary” pages about Nate’s and my early marriage resounded with a happy “yes”. But memories of the 40 years between then and now force a tempering of that enthusiasm. Hard times have been sprinkled over happy ones, and we’ve gradually learned to find blessing in ordinary days.

Viewed in a rear view mirror, the most difficult seasons of our marriage, the times labeled “hard” or even “awful” when going through them, can now be seen as having been for our good. We didn’t learn much when life was all laughter and fun. A preacher once said, “God isn’t interested in our happiness. He’s interested in our growth.” I believe it.

Despite being able to point back to periods of sadness, disappointment and pain, Nate and I are still together as we cross the threshhold of 64, ten days apart. We see personal growth and lots of good coming out of life’s occasional “bad”.

In 1983, I hung a plaque on our bedroom wall:

“Coming together is a beginning.

Keeping together is progress.

Working together is success.”

That year we celebrated our 14th anniversary with five children around the table and an overly busy family life. The plaque exuded encouragement to keep going.

Today, having traveled 26 additional years down the marriage road, we still look at that plaque every day. And we really get it now. That middle line about keeping together is a required stepping stone to a Golden Anniversary party. In marriage there are points for just showing up.

The last line about working together eliminates the option of working against each other. Satisfying marriages get really good at side-by-side.

So, what’s the bottom line about reaching 64? Paul sang, “When I’m sixty-four, you’ll be older, too.” When a husband and wife buy into this truth, life calms considerably. Pressure is lifted, and expectations line up with reality. This has been our experience.

Looking back, I think each of us did pretty well in the search for a perfect mate. Yes, sixty-four is off to a good start. And by the way, we even ate our birthday cake without anyone having to feed it to us.