Category Archives: Aging

Laboring On

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Mary continues in her fight against cancer, breathing slowly and with greater effort than a few hours ago. The rattle in her throat tells us her struggle will soon be over and her victory won.

funeral-bookMary has always been a planner, making to-do lists and faithfully checking them off. She has planned her own funeral and laid out the details of who she wants to do what. She’s chosen the music, Scripture passages, and soloists. She’s even written her own obituary. How many people are able to square off with their pending demise in this head-on way? Most have difficulty even drawing up a will.

All of us have enjoyed reading through Mary’s “funeral book” (as she called it) and her lists. She told me, “Don’t forget to consult this book. It’ll be sitting right next to my Bible on my nightstand.”

Two pages in her book are especially poignant.

img_4115Some good things about pancreatic cancer

  1. Get to “graduate” to heaven sooner rather than later
  2. Get to “meet” Jesus
  3. Finally meet two unborn children (1978, 1979)
  4. Reunion with loved ones that went before
  5. Avoid nursing home
  6. No more skin doctor, pap smears, etc.
  7. No osteoporosis
  8. No more worries about BP (blood pressure), cholesterol, weight, sun exposure
  9. Get the chance to show God’s faithfulness to others.

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Some bad things about pancreatic cancer

  1. Leaving Bervin and children and grandchildren
  2. Leaving loved ones and friends
  3. No more chances to live for the Lord
  4. Going thru the cancer death experience

 

 

These lists fall right in line with who Mary is, because the “good” list is longer than the “bad.” She was always a pro at counting her blessings.

“The Lord loves the righteous.” (Psalm 146:8)

Mary’s Light

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The days before someone moves from earth to heaven are sacred ones, and Mary is in the middle of this remarkable time. Because she is, her family is there, too. God’s close presence is evident in her calm, quiet demeanor, and the rest of us are taking our cues from her. Coming close to the most spectacular life-event she will ever experience has not unnerved her at all. That’s because she’s completely ready.

Although Mary has become quiet and spends most of her time sleeping, she still has a will to greet her loved ones with a gentle smile when they enter the room, giving each a few loving words as they do. She’s in no pain and needs meds only to hold off nausea and get solid sleep at night. But even as her body loses its battle with disease, her face grows more beautiful by the day.

Mary’s grown children, nieces, and nephews have been a steady presence, making meals, doing laundry, and encouraging one another. But her 11 grandchildren have been kept at bay. That’s because most are very young, and little people bring noise, commotion, and a general hubbub.

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But that hasn’t stopped these grands from sending a stream of words and drawings to encourage their grandma, the older ones describing in words what she means to them. As this person whom they adore so much becomes quieter, their messages of love become louder. And more descriptive:

  • You are my hero.
  • I love how you love candy and gum.
  • I love all the things you do and the person you are.
  • You have an amazing, godly heart that leads people to God.
  • You have all the right in the world to freak out, but you are calm and faithful.
  • In my mind you are super-grandma.
  • You make me think anything is possible. You make me want to run a 10,000 mile run, and I hate running!
  • Even though your troubles are big, you still are positive and love others and God.
  • Your heart is filled with joy, and you spread that joy to me.
  • You love when you are at your darkest days.
  • I love how you love the game of baseball.
  • You are very generous.
  • I will always and forever love you, even if you’re not here.
  • You’ve made me a strong Christian.
  • You mean so, so, so, so, so, so, soooo much to me.
  • You’ve been a light in the world, showing all the traits of a godly woman.
  • God has used you in so many ways in his plan.
  • You like to give gum to people from your car of wonders.
  • I will never, ever stop loving you.

And one more, my personal favorite:

  • Grandma, you are like a flashlight in a world full of darkness.

This grandmother has done a good job “shining for the Lord” in front of her grands, and they’ve all seen this light in her. A while back she told me that her greatest concern in leaving them is not being able to continue coaxing them toward Jesus.

One of her older grandchildren wrote out Isaiah 14:27 for her, which says nothing can stop God’s plan for a person’s life. And apparently his plan is that Mary’s life, including her godly glow as a grandma, will soon end. Yet her influence will shine for decades to come.

When Mary was asked if she had any prayer requests, her whispered answer was consistent with the rest of her life: “Pray that I’ll finish strong and give all the glory to God,” a couple of brightly shining requests.

“Prove yourself to be blameless and guileless, innocent and uncontaminated…. in a generation among whom you are seen as a bright [flash] light in a world of darkness.” (Philippians 2:15, loosely translated from the Amplified version)

Wall-Art

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Years ago, Nate and I invited a couple over for dinner, friends since college. Through the course of the evening, we spent time in the kitchen, dining room, and living room, and as they were leaving the husband said, “You know, I just noticed something. The only thing hanging on your walls is your family. It’s all pictures of kids!”

Nate and I laughed and said something like, “And that’s some pretty valuable wall-art.”

Most parents enjoy showing off their children with photos throughout the house, and we were no exception. But what does a parent do when the group expands as grandchildren come along? Eventually we either take down the pictures of our own kids to make way for our grands, or we move to a house with more wall space.

As our family has increased, I’ve decided to solve the space problem by putting all my grandchildren into one frame with multiple openings. First it was 4 of them, then 6, and then 8, which meant buying a larger picture frame every year or two – a happy task.

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When purchasing my most recent frame, though, I got smart. As my 10th grandchild was being announced, I bought a frame with 12 openings, trying to get ahead of the game. My strategy paid off as grandchild #11 was announced less than a year later. But there was still one opening left.

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Recently, we were surprised with the thrilling news that another little face would, indeed, by joining the other 11 in that frame. Katy and Hans will be sending photos of a new baby-Nyman in January, completing the set of 12.

I look at these happy faces many times each day, wondering how their lives will go…. and also wondering where I’ll find a frame with 13 or 14 openings, if needed! But I thank God for each one and have committed to praying for them all, claiming glorious promises over them, even those yet unborn.

For example: “I pray that you, Lord, would never be far from these children. Be their strength, and always go quickly to help them.” (Psalm 22:19)

And another: “May each one trust in you, Lord, at all times and feel free to pour out their hearts to you, understanding that you are their refuge.” (Psalm 62:8)

One more: “Create pure hearts within each one, O God, and continually renew steadfast spirits within them.” (Psalm 51:10)

Gazing at my wall-art of grandchildren brings them close to me, even when they’re miles away. But praying for them does something even better than that. It transports us all into God’s throne room, a supernatural togetherness like no other.

So they are together in my wall-art, together in God’s hands, and together in my heart.

“Pray without ceasing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:17)