Category Archives: Children

Fines Appropriate to the Crimes

Posted on by

Yesterday we were reminded of how God views whining, complaining, and murmuring: all negative. Each of us has had experience with whiners, whether it’s our children, their friends, our friends, or ourselves. Though we discipline youngsters for incessant whining, we rarely abstain ourselves. After all, everybody has a right to vent, don’t they?

God says, “No.”

Sadly, his standard is the opposite of our natural inclinations. To comply with biblical instructions, we have to make a deliberate effort to stop old habits and think in new ways. Just like breaking any bad habit, the tools we need to succeed are fortitude and optimism.

But if that sounds too hard, we do have another choice: to willfully continue whining and complaining, knowing God will discipline us for it. It’s a sure thing he won’t ignore something he knows is bad for us, something that goes contrary to his wisdom. I can almost hear him say, “It’s for your own good, my child,” as he brings down his heavy hand. But if that doesn’t sound appealing, there’s still one other option.

When Nate and I were raising our 7 children, we were no strangers to murmuring, particularly at the dinner table.

  • From a 4 year old: “Why do you make us eat peas? I hate ’em.”
  • From a 9 year old: “Why can’t we eat with the TV on like normal families do?”
  • From a 13 year old: “Why can’t I eat in my room like my friends do?”
  • From a 16 year old: “Why do you torture us with family dinners?”

Nate used to say, “For the most part, we don’t drink alcohol, but somehow we end up with whine at every meal.”

Tired of hearing it, he finally came up with something he called the “Complainer Can.” He composed a short explanation and taped it to the outside of an empty hot chocolate container:

  • If you gripe and yell when there isn’t any, you owe me a penny.
  • If you scream and whine and further repine, you owe me a dime.
  • But if you yip and holler, put in a dollar!

Since the children received allowances (1/4th of their age), he knew they “had money” and insisted they pay fines appropriate to their crimes. This helped our dinnertime atmosphere for quite some time, since the kids spent less time complaining and more time trying to catch someone else whining so they’d have to pay a price for it. Of course inflation would have upped those fines quite a bit by now: a penny would be a dollar, a dime would be ten, and a dollar, $100.

So, there are 3 ways to handle whining: self-discipline, no self-discipline, and monetary discipline. The first one starts with difficulty but ends well. The second starts effortlessly but ends in stress.  And the last?  Maybe  if we put those inflated fines into the weekly offering basket instead of The Complainer Can, it would be the most effective approach of all.

“Set an example for the believers… in speech.” (1 Timothy 4:12)

Minimizing Murmuring

Posted on by

For several days now, my 7 grandchildren have been at my house making all kinds of racket and having all kinds of fun. Even though they’re only aged 4, 3, 2, 2, 2, 9 months, and 7 weeks, these young cousins (who live far from each other most of the time) are establishing sweet relationships, and it’s a joy to watch.

Today I saw 2 two-year Micah and Thomas wobble down the stairs hand-in-hand, chattering (simultaneously) about the toys they were going to find in the basement. Then 4 year old Skylar and 2 year old Evelyn joined forces to “help” Birgitta change Emerald’s diaper, adding kisses, head-strokes, and 12 extra wipes to the routine. This afternoon Nick and Skylar successfully completed an art project without bickering, and all of them regularly stop to pat crawling Autumn on her head.

Overall, the compatibility is impressive, at least most of the time. But then there are those moments of frustration, fatigue, and unadulterated, me-first selfishness when eruptions come lightning fast and pleasant children melt-down in seconds.

But there’s something much worse than screaming fits. Somewhere between harmony and discord lies the miserable zone of murmuring.

The word “murmur” is an example of onomatopoeia, a word that sounds exactly like its definition. To murmur is to whine or complain about something in an irksome tone, not especially loud or soft but droning on and on, with no end. And during these happy days at my house, we’ve also had big doses of murmuring.

But murmuring is nothing new. The children of Israel did it while following Moses through the wilderness, murmuring about being hungry, thirsty, about their leaders, about leaving Egypt, about the challenges of war, and about most of what God told them to do.

They weren’t the only ones, though. Years later the Scribes and Pharisees of Israel murmured against Jesus and also against his disciples. But New Testament believers murmured, too. None of us can justify pointing a finger.

Except God, that is.

God never murmurs and is disappointed when any of us do it, whether we’re 2 years old, 22, or 102, and he links his displeasure with punishment. As a matter of fact, the children of Israel weren’t allowed to enter The Promised Land for only one reason: their murmuring.

This afternoon Linnea tried to cope with a murmuring toddler as we talked about how difficult it was to listen to steady whining. Then she said, “But I guess since I’m complaining right now, I’m doing it, too.” We all whine sometimes, but God has the same opinion about it today as he did thousands of years ago.

So what can be done? How can we be good examples of “murmurlessness” in front of our children and grandchildren when complaining comes so naturally? Tomorrow Nate is going to give us the answer.

“Do all things without murmurings and disputings, that you may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke.” (Philippians 2:14-15)

 

Mourning in the Morning

Posted on by

This morning’s church service starred 25 youngsters who sang a story about the Christmas Star of Bethlehem. They were adorable dressed in Sunday finery that was enhanced with angel wings, sheep bonnets, and shepherd’s- wear.

But before their procession down the aisle to the sanctuary stage, Pastor Kyle took the mic and focused our attention on the 26 people who died in Friday’s elementary school shooting, most of them young children the same ages as those we were about to see perform in church.

Kyle did a masterful job of balancing intense grief with Christmas joy, telling us that God hates evil and knows how each Connecticut family feels, since he witnessed the merciless killing of his own Son. We were reminded that his plans include making all things right, in the end. In other words, we don’t have to grieve without hope that justice will be done. Meanwhile, we’re to turn our conversations and our questions into prayer, which is what we did next.

Twenty-six members of the congregation held 26 pieces of paper on which the names and ages of those slain were written, and during the pastor’s prayer for their families, each name and age was read aloud. Emotional sniffles could be heard amongst us, and thoughts of 26 families planning funerals today brought a mix of nausea and grief.

But Linda, our pianist, soothed us all by adding the comforting music of Braham’s Lullaby to her offertory, reminding us of the eternal, impenetrable safety of God’s arms.

Later, while waiting for lunch at a restaurant table for 17, my brother-in-law Bervin helped put things into perspective in a prayer. He made a request for those 26 heartbroken families by asking God to pull their thoughts toward Him. His important prayer was that the momentous losses of their loved ones would cause them to turn their lives over to the Lord of love and eternal security.

And that’s really the bottom line, not just for those involved in the shootings but for all of us, even the children in our church musical this morning. No matter what happens here on earth, especially in terms of bodily harm, it’s important to look to the condition of our souls, because it’s that part of us that can live forever where morning will never include mourning.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

(Horatio Gates Spafford, 1873)

“Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope…. We will be with the Lord forever.” (1 Thessalonians 4:13,17)