Category Archives: Children

Three Weeks Old

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Our little Emerald Louisa has been with us only 3 weeks, but now we can’t imagine life without her. She’s begun to notice her surroundings, which includes our faces, toward which she’ll occasionally flash a grin. Since she’s conservative with her smiles, we continually work to get “just one more.”

Part of the joy of having a newborn around is discovering who it is inside that tiny body. Amazingly, she already has her own opinions, and she’s gradually letting us know what they are. For example, during a fussy moment, she likes our singing. She also has a preference for the vibrating infant seat over the movement of her swing. She likes looking in a mirror at herself and loves stroller walks in the brisk night air from a cozy snowsuit. She prefers to be warm but doesn’t like to get undressed even if there’s a warm bath at the other end of it.

All of these opinions can be defined as Emerald already having a will of her own. Child care experts say the discovery of this self-will is what makes two year olds have tantrums. They’re simply realizing they’re a separate entity from everyone else. In my opinion, children learn that much earlier than two. Say, by 3 weeks.

But even though a child’s self-will oftentimes goes head-to-head with an adult’s, we can’t deny God has done something marvelous in the creation of a baby. And giving each of them a will of their own was a risky idea on his part. It would have been no risk to pre-program them as continually cooperative without any ability to buck the authorities.

Instead God lets babies make choices right from birth. Actually, ultrasound pictures show us they’re demonstrating their opinions even in the womb.

Why would God give self-will to such tiny little people? Or, for that matter, to us big ones? Probably because he wanted to see what we would do with them, especially where he’s concerned. As it is, each of us has a daily chance to love him or leave him.

We parents understand that reasoning. When children are in middle school, we take a small step back to watch what choices they’ll make. If they choose badly, we step forward again to rescue, discipline, or rearrange circumstances that will train them further.

A while later, we step back again, and then again, hoping they’ll make the right choices just as God hopes about us. Eventually, in both the parental case and in God’s case, final decisions are up to the individual. Parents should no longer insist their adult children do things one way over another, and God operates the same way.

So, at our house we continue to learn what little Emerald really thinks as she makes her likes and dislikes known. Her opinions will become more and more important as she grows, and we’ll be praying she’ll make wise choices. If she’s anything like the rest of us, though, she can look forward to some big-time adjusting.

Peter replied, “I see very clearly that God shows no favoritism.” (Acts 10:34)

Reach for it!

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When our Nelson was a toddler, he loved to climb. Finding contentment with toys and books at his own eye level was never good enough, and his goal was always to move higher. During his climbing phase I struggled to keep track of him while managing newborn Lars and would often round a corner to find him in high places: on the kitchen counter, atop his dresser, on the highest stair outside the railing.

For Nelson, everything he wanted most was out of reach. More accurately, whatever was out of reach was what he wanted most.

I remember watching his face turn upward, eyes scanning a high shelf or cabinet, and saying to him, “Nelson, there’s nothing up there for you. Why don’t we find your colored blocks?” (Or bouncy-ball. Or fire truck.) But nothing he could see fascinated him like the things he couldn’t.

Many of us who are non-toddlers are exactly that way. Just knowing something is out of reach can be reason enough to go after it. But isn’t perseverance and resolve frequently promoted in the Bible as good things?

Not always. It depends on the object of our pursuit, and God gives us a list. He tells us to go after godliness, kindness, peace, love, faith, single-mindedness, gentleness, righteousness… and to go after him.

Reaching for things not on this list might end the way most of Nelson’s climb-and-find projects did: a crash, a mess, and a reprimand. He usually ended up buried, bumped, or bleeding, and most often was disappointed when what he “just had to have” turned out to be a whopping disappointment.

Oftentimes God puts things out of our reach on purpose and for good reasons. He might be trying to save us from harm. Maybe it’s simply a not-yet thing being withheld to develop our patience. He might be holding something high so he can give us something else that’s even better than what we’re currently reaching for.

None of us likes to be told “stop” or “no.” Nelson certainly didn’t. If I aborted one of his climbing pursuits, he’d react by kicking his feet and howling with objections. Though adults aren’t as outwardly demonstrative, we usually do the same thing in our hearts.

God encourages us to reach for the things on his list, and once we commit to pursuing what he wants us to pursue, he gives his blessing for us to climb as high as we want to get it. And because we’re going after the things he’s endorsed, we can be sure that in the end there will be no crashes, messes, or reprimands.

“Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith.” (1 Timothy 6:11-12)

Why struggle?

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This morning I listened to a radio report on the different ways American and Asian children are taught. The study followed classroom instruction and parental messages to elementary age kids and found a glaring difference: American teachers/parents strive to keep learning positive, eliminating struggle wherever possible. Asian teachers/parents not only let children struggle, they promote it, designing lessons to make it happen.

An American mother might say, “Jamie, you got a good grade because you’re a smart boy.” An Asian mom might say, “Kim, you won the prize because you kept trying.”

The study included classroom and home observations during which researchers recorded what teachers/parents said to their children, along with their responses. One examiner in an Asian classroom of 8 year olds said he was surprised when the teacher chose a failing student to do his work at the chalkboard up front.

The student grappled with his problem for over an hour, during which time the teacher occasionally asked the class, “Does he have it right yet, class?”

The answer was always no, and the researcher couldn’t believe the young student continued without breaking into tears. When he finally did get it right, the teacher said, “Look, class, he got it. Didn’t he do a great job working for the answer?” Rather than praising the boy’s ability, she praised his perseverance.

Most Asian teachers and parents structure their educating to include tasks they know are beyond the reach of students, just to exercise their mental stick-to-it-tiveness. For example, the study asked children to see if they could find the answer to a math problem intentionally designed to have no solution. On average, American school kids gave up in one minute or less, deeming it impossible. Asian children worked up to an hour before giving up.

But what does God have to say about all this? Is one method right and one wrong?

Scripture definitely touts the value of struggle. We see it in Bible characters and also today, in both visible battles (physical) and invisible ones (mental). Perseverance is a character quality God esteems, and satisfaction comes after we’ve sorted through complicated problems. But what about the dilemmas beyond our reach, those with no solutions? Does God want us to struggle indefinitely with those?

No. At that point he hopes we’ll turn from our own efforts, admit we’re at the end, and request his help. Then we get to watch him do the impossible. As we concede weakness, he imparts strength.

But what about the study on learning? Does one group win and the other lose? Not necessarily. Though Asian children are being taught the value of struggle, educators share a growing concern for their lack of imagination, citing American youngsters as examples of creative strength.

Thankfully the Lord provides unlimited opportunities for all of us to struggle in all categories. The trick is in appreciating it.

The Lord said, “My power is made perfect in [your] weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)