Category Archives: Children

Sneak Peek #16

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Excerpt from THRIVE AND SURVIVE, ZERO TO FIVE

Most young children are reluctant to end the day when it’s time to head for bed. Not only does it initiate isolation from other family members, it signifies putting toys away and ending playtime. That’s why children work to keep mommy in the room as long as possible. Unbeknownst to them, however, this strategy on their part becomes a powerful perk for mothers who want to take advantage of this tender time.

Your youngsters become especially warm to what you do during these moments, hanging on your every word. It becomes an optimal time to memorize a short line of Scripture or sing a song. I (Margaret) sang bedtime choruses to Nelson, our firstborn, starting when he was about a year old. As he learned to talk, he picked up the words, and by the time he was three, he had memorized (and could sing) fifty-five Sunday school songs.

These short choruses were full of God’s truth, simplified for children, and as the two of us continued singing, Nelson often asked questions about the words, attentive to my answers. Be sure to include a prayer of blessing over your child before you leave the room. God is there listening to you and loves to answer a mother’s heartfelt prayers.

These bedtime suggestions might sound elaborate and time consuming, but the whole thing can be done in just a few minutes. Think of it as the most valuable part of your routine, even more important than having a bath or brushing teeth.

As you step out of the room, along with your “night-night, honey,” conclude this time with something uplifting. “I love you very much, darling,” or “See you in the morning!” Staying positive is better than, “I hope you’ll do better tomorrow.” Try to express unconditional love . . . one more time.

SIDEBAR:  POTENTIAL FOR EVERY DAY

  • Hug your child.
  • Say I love you.
  • Praise your child.
  • Compliment your child for any job done.
  • Kiss your child.
  • Tell him you’re glad he’s yours.

Sneak Peek #15

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Excerpt from THRIVE AND SURVIVE, ZERO TO FIVE

Comparing kids as you decide which classes, teams, or activities to register for can yield a helpful list of reasons why or why not. Second-borns, for instance, almost always follow a path different from their firstborn siblings. A wise mother understands this and doesn’t attempt to make one childhood identical to another. If she insists on uniformity, at least one of her children isn’t being accepted for who he really is.

Studying your children can be a complicated business. After noticing their different leanings, moms automatically compare them to each other. But remind yourself often that from God’s perspective, each stands alone and no talent or gift makes one child superior to another. Even what appears to be a weakness can change into a strength in His hands.

One other caution: since logic says you’ll view your children through your own innate talents, it’s important not to elevate one child over another just because his bent matches yours. Though you may relate more naturally to that youngster, be careful you don’t favor him without realizing it. Both the favored and the unfavored will eventually pick up on it, and the result will be anger and resentment–toward you and the sibling.

Ephesians 6:4 says, “Do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them” (NLT). In other words, if you treat them incorrectly, anger will be the inevitable result. The last half of the verse describes how to treat them well. “Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.”

As you learn all you can about how each of your children is wired, what different instructions do you think God has attached to them? Ask yourself, which activities would work best for her? What encouragement from you will validate the way she was made? What approach will partner with what God is already doing in her life? Raising children is a difficult job, and doing it one by one makes it more so. But your frustrations will be less and disappointments fewer if you follow God’s lead.

SIDEBAR: RESULTS OF COMPARING

  • Feelings of inferiority
  • Unnecessary jealousy
  • Deep emotional wounds
  • A sense of being unloved
  • Extra stress in mommy
  • Denial of natural bents
  • Aggression between children

Sneak Peek #13

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Excerpt from THRIVE AND SURVIVE, ZERO TO FIVE

Disciplining children can be the most difficult part of parenting, and parents don’t automatically know how best to handle infractions without overdoing or underdoing. It’s tricky to hit it just right, since each child is different and each “crime scene” is unique.

That doesn’t let mothers off the hook, though. The Bible is replete with examples of what happens when children are left to discipline themselves before they’re old enough to know how. And Scripture gives plenty of info on how to do it right. The old idea, “Spare the rod and spoil the child” actually originates with God (Proverbs 22:15). But even after we’ve nodded in agreement, we often find ourselves in blurry situations.

Both of us have learned through our mistakes that the best way to discipline is to let natural consequences do it for you. I (Mary) remember my first experience with this and how well it worked. Julia was barely two years old, playing in the bathtub one day, when she repeatedly grabbed a bar of pink soap from the built-in soap dish. She badly wanted to take a bite, and I knew she needed to learn soap wasn’t for eating.

“No-no,” I said again and again, taking the soap from her and putting it back. “Yucky. We don’t eat soap.”

With typical toddler persistence, she continued to reach for it, and I knew I’d have to press my point. Either I’d have to remove the soap, despite my wanting it to stay there, or I’d have to slap her hand, which I was reluctant to do. Without one of the two, our soap battle would continue indefinitely—that is, until I realized I had one more option. I could let her eat the soap.

Leaning back, I watched her grab it, take a bite, make a face, and put it back. She never reached for it again. Done.

SIDEBAR:  WHEN YOUR CHILD PUSHES YOUR HOT BUTTON

  • Take a deep breath.
  • Refuse the urge to react.
  • Pray quickly.
  • Keep a calm demeanor.
  • Isolate your child.
  • Leave the room if you must.
  • Use natural consequences if you can.