Category Archives: Children

Seeing Eye-to-Eye

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A week ago while I was visiting Linnea and her family of 6 in Florida, I marveled at how she got so much accomplished each day. Maybe that’s because she’s a goal-setter and a list-maker, but I think it’s more about knowing that her life as a wife and mother is a high calling.

I enjoyed watching Linni deal with 4 young children, home-schooling 2 and keeping careful track of the others. Somehow she manages to spend one-on-one time with each of them, each day.

Linni and kids.

Of greatest interest to me was her method of discipline, probably because I was never much good at that as a young mom. When Linnea was about to reprimand one of the kids, she’d always start the same way. Bending down to their level she’d say, “Skylar (or Micah or Autumn), look at me.”

The child might take a quick glance at Linnea’s face but then, inevitably, would look away, knowing that whatever was coming next wouldn’t be good. But Linni wouldn’t deliver her message before she’d gotten their full attention. “Look at my eyes,” she’d say again. “Here,” pointing to her eyes. “Look here.”

The child often took another quick peek but then repeatedly looked away until Linnea absolutely insisted. “Eyes,” she’d say. “Right here,” pointing to her own. When finally both pairs of eyes locked in, she’d “deliver the goods.”

God does the same thing with the rest of us. Though I can never physically look him in the eyes, I can always “see” what he’s trying to tell me through what Scripture says. But watching Skylar, Micah, and Autumn automatically look away from Linnea was a powerful object lesson for me.

How often do I do the same thing with the Lord, glancing left or right or even worse, right past him, pretending not to notice he wants me to pay attention? Of course trying to dodge the gaze of the Almighty is ridiculous, even more so than children trying to avoid their mother’s eyes.

The Lord goes to great lengths to connect one-on-one with us. And thankfully he perseveres, because he has important things to say. The only way to move forward in the Christian life is to listen to him and then heed his words.

Hebrews 12 offers a warning: “Be careful that you do not refuse to listen to the One who is speaking,” meaning Jesus. (v.25) Even if we know his message is going to be one of rebuke or correction, we can take comfort in knowing his discipline comes from a heart of love. (vv.5-6) So there’s never reason to fear receiving his focused attention.

As for Linnea’s children, one day they’ll thank her for taking the time and making the effort to always look them in the eyes.

“Let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus….” (Hebrews 12:1-2)

Me, Myself, and I

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The Christian life is all about being other-oriented. Jesus put it this way: we’re to love others as much as we love ourselves.

That’s a tough one, simply because we come into the world all set to put ourselves first. If we aren’t sure of that, all we have to do is look at young children. Their behavior shouts, “Me first!”

Take two-year-old Emerald, for example.

EmeraldOnce in a while she’ll crawl up on my couch just to gaze at herself in the mirror behind it, the only mirror she can reach. She’ll talk to her reflection, make faces, tip her head back and forth, and jump up and down, all while intently watching her mirror image. And she smiles long smiles at herself as if to say, “You, Emerald, are my very favorite!”

This natural egocentricity is something we try hard to diminish in our children as we raise them. As soon as they can understand, we insist they say please and thank you, even when they aren’t feeling it, just to force them to focus on someone else. As we continue to train them, resistance to “me last” is common.

Truth be told, though, all of us have one foot in that camp. To put others ahead of ourselves we have to make a conscious decision, since even in adulthood it doesn’t come naturally.

Jesus was a faithful example of putting the needs of others ahead of his own. Following him through the Gospels, we see he was often hungry, tired, burned out from ministry, and stretched thin by nonstop commitments. He was so busy doing for others that he rarely did anything for himself.

Yet he never lost sight of his overarching purpose: to bring salvation to people like us. Without him and his willingness to put us ahead of himself, we would have been left to save ourselves, a setup for disaster. We could talk to our mirrors around the clock and never come up with a way to cleanse ourselves from sin.

If Jesus had refused to put others ahead of himself, we would be in a fix for which there was no repair. Instead he set self-interest aside and focused on us, enduring the cross.

Morning mirrorAs I look into a mirror at the beginning of each day, maybe I should talk to my reflection and say, “Subdue your me-first attitude today, just like Jesus did for you. And then do something for someone else as a thank you gift to him.”

“The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.” (1 Timothy 1:5)

Less is much more.

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Whenever I visit the homes of my grandchildren, I encourage each mom to line up projects for when my extra pair of hands might help facilitate. Last week while I was in Florida, Linnea was ready with her list. As she worked her way through it, I got to play with my grands.

Autumn with toysOne job that’s impossible to do with children around is to organize their toys, which means tossing out broken ones and those with missing parts. Since new toys come in with each birthday and Christmas, Linnea also looks forward to gathering bunches of still-nice toys for Good Will.

As she was getting ready to tackle the project this time, we reached under each bed, behind closet doors, and in every dark corner where we found stray cars, plastic princesses, and building blocks. When she finally went to work, the living room floor was piled high with colorful playthings, along with a variety of plastic bins with lids.

By the end of the day, the toy stash had been forced into submission and most of it put away for only occasional use. And the children would never miss all that had been removed.

MicahEvery so often it’s a good idea to do the same thing with our spiritual lives. Taking inventory of where we stand with the Lord motivates us to trim away anything that gets between us and him. We can also rearrange our priorities so the main thing becomes the main thing again.

Once in a while we have to look in those hidden places of our thinking for the clutter we’ve allowed to accumulate there, just as we had to hunt in all the hidden places for toys. Without making a close inspection now and then, our lives can become disheveled.

But we often shy away from this introspective process because it can be painful. Just like children resist parting with broken toys, we have trouble letting go of certain things too, like bad habits we’ve become comfortable with. Rather than route them out, it’s easier to make excuses for them much like children try to justify keeping bits and pieces of incomplete toys.

But once we’ve done the hard work of taking stock and putting our internal houses back in order, gains will always outweigh losses. That’s because the process has made room for the Lord to give us “new” and “better.”

In orderAs for my grandchildren, playing with a manageable amount of toys (all of which work right and are complete) makes play time less frustrating and lots more fun.

Less turns out to be much, much more.

“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” (Colossians 3:2)