Letting Go

Most parents face a bit of angst when it comes time to let a child go. The first really big “go” is off to college, a tough goodbye for most of us. But it helps to recognize we’ve been letting go in small ways during the 18 years leading up to that, each one a bit of training for the bigger go-moments.

The first is letting go of our babe-in-arms, encouraging him/her to grow into a toddler who prefers to walk. Little by little they go – to the church nursery, preschool, kindergarten, summer camp, and we find ourselves on the outside looking in. As time passes, they go farther and farther from us, the natural order of things. But they aren’t the only ones we have to let go of.

We also say goodbye to parents, mentors, friends, pastors and others. Each positive relationship that ends includes a negative go-moment. But the old expression, “When God closes a door, he opens a window,” is true. Again and again he shows us that letting go of one thing brings us to something new.

Two Ton BakerWhen I was a grade-schooler in the 1950’s, I loved a 350-pound TV personality who called himself Two-Ton Baker. We became friends through a tiny, round screen, because Two-Ton loved kids. Occasionally he’d have one on his show, and the child was always invited to grab a handful of candy from a giant glass jar. But a clenched fist of goodies could never fit back through the small opening, requiring him/her to let some of the candy go to pull out of the jar.

The same thing happens when we hold onto someone or something after it’s time to let go. Our loss seems greater the tighter we cling. By hanging on, we lose the chance for a positive send-off, which is like losing all the candy, not just a bit of it.

There are some go-moments, though, that just never go well: when they’re next to a casket. The slam of that closed door really hurts. A window may be opening, but we can’t see it through our tears.

Lonely JesusGod knows how difficult it is to let go. He let go of Jesus for 33 years after they’d been joined in a closeness we can’t comprehend. And Jesus let go of his Father while simultaneously imposing human limitations on himself. He also let go of royalty and riches to live in poverty. The reason? Love for us.

Letting go is always emotionally draining. For a Christian who lets go of a loved one through death, however, the emotional pain will one day abruptly end.  The separation is only temporary, just as it was for God the Father and God the Son.

They endured. We can endure.

Because some day all our go-moments will be gathered into one eternal coming-together.

“God blesses you who weep now, for in due time you will laugh.” (Luke 6:21)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Thanks for prayers about tomorrow’s chemo infusion, for a good vein and no nausea.
  2. Praise God this will be #16 of 18 infusions!

Keep Talking

I know my prayers are often blotted with selfishness and are off the mark. God must smile at my efforts the way I smile at a child trying to write her name for the first time. The effort is sincere, but the result is skewed. But she keeps trying, and so do I.

Why? Because talking with the Almighty, the One who has power over all things and owns the Universe, is a privilege beyond price. It’s a luxury more valuable than talking with President Obama, Bill Gates or Brad Pitt. God is the only One who can affect change not only in the world but also in the human heart.

Praying handsChuck Swindoll said, “There is no more significant involvement in another’s life than prevailing, consistent prayer. It is more helpful than a gift of money, more encouraging than a strong sermon, more effective than a compliment, more reassuring than a physical embrace.”

When Nate and I were first married, we didn’t understand each other very well. I expected things from him that he couldn’t give, mostly because he didn’t know I wanted them. For example, when I got emotional about something and started to cry, I’d long for him to come and sit next to me, put his arm around me, and sympathize. Instead he came with a list of ways to fix the problem.

I could have told him he was missing the mark and described what I wanted from him, and he would have delivered. But I thought he should have known it already, instinctively, or should have been able to read my mind, which of course he couldn’t.

But that’s the remarkable thing about prayer. As I’m babbling away trying to find the words to express my longing, God has already got it. He knows my passions, frustrations, wants, and needs. I talk to him because I love him for that and for how many ways he’s demonstrated his love to me. Also, I know he has the ability to affect internal changes, something even a powerful world dictator can’t do.

It’s difficult talking to someone who is dear to me but who I cannot see or audibly hear. The Lord knows this is hard but doesn’t want it to become a stumbling block to our continued conversation. Jesus even mentioned this dilemma to his disciples when he said, “Blessed are those who believe without seeing me.” (John 20:29) That’s us.

And so I know he knows, which brings comfort as well as a desire for me to keep talking. It won’t always be this way, though. Some day I’ll get to see him exactly like the disciples did, as a mentor and friend, visible, audible, and talking directly to me. And I can’t wait!

“Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.” (Isaiah 65:24)

Almost the Duggars

The DuggarsLast week while driving from Michigan to Chicago I listened to a fascinating radio interview of Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar, the Christian family with 19 children and TV fame. Our family had its own Duggar-esque experience in 1989 when my sister’s family moved in with ours for a while.

Sorting socksMary and Bervin’s family was adding a second story to their ranch home, and without water, heat or benefit of a roof, they needed a place to stay. We begged them to bunk with us, knowing how much fun it would be, and they agreed, but with one stipulation: that they buy all the food for the duration. Of course Nate and Bervin wrangled over this, but I saw it as God’s lavish blessing. Our family was at its low point financially with Nate’s business collapsing that very year.

A watermelon...I’ll never forget the night Bervin walked in our front door after work carrying a fresh watermelon. Nate and I hadn’t splurged on fresh fruit for many months, and the sight of that big watermelon refreshed my soul. With 18 around the dinner table that night (my folks included), that melon came and went pretty quickly, but it tasted sweeter than any I’ve had since.

Chicken poxDuring the weeks we were together, the chicken pox hit, as well as the school science fair, but we also celebrated several birthdays, a couple of graduations and a few blue ribbons for those science projects. There were no squabbles, despite having to sleep on the floor, cram into vehicles and wait for meals. It was a happy time for all 16 of us, and when my sister’s house was ready for them to move back, we mourned the separation.

Not everyone likes to “live large.” Having to wait for the shower or being without private space can be frustrating. But God is deliberate in putting families together. He matches up husbands and wives and calls some to be single. He sends biological babies or not, sometimes choosing to bring children from the other side of the globe to complete a family.  He asks some couples to be childless in order to parent the children of others. His creativity in grouping us knows no limits.

Off to schoolWe can arrange or rearrange things to suit ourselves, but stepping away from God’s lead is risky. His best may seem endlessly “just around the bend,” but we can trust that whatever he’s preparing will be worth our wait. Putting people into families was his idea first, and he knows how to satisfy our needs to love and be loved.

Though I’m single now, I’m not lonely, because God has called me into it. Remembering our Duggar-esque weeks as a mega-family, though, makes me grin… and want to take a nap.

“Father to the fatherless, defender of widows—this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families. Rejoice in his presence!” (Psalm 68:5-6,4b)