The Best Years?

Every mother of babies and toddlers has been stopped by strangers who’ve said, “Oh honey…. these are the best years.”

When mommies hear that, they’re usually exhausted from getting up during the night, carrying a baby all day, dealing with toddler-tantrums, and listening to an exorbitant amount of whining. “The best years?” they say. “If these are the best, how will I ever cope with the worst?”

Of course what strangers mean is that these are the only baby-years: pudgy bodies, sloppy kisses, first words, first steps. In that sense, they’re good years, though they don’t happen without exacting a high price from parents.

When there were fiveI love little children, especially that amazing year between the first and second birthdays when they learn to walk, talk, eat, think, and so much more. Those developments usually come in a predictable order, but parenting has plenty of surprises, too.

One of them is the intense joy of relationships with our non-baby children, the ones who’ve grown into adults. We’re still their parents but no longer bear the burden of responsibility for them, so are free to interact as friends, too. The big surprise was how much fun that turned out to be.

For example, this weekend I got a call from our community mail house that a package marked “perishable” was waiting for me. It had come all the way from Hawaii, but from whom?

???????????????????????????????Inside a nest of shredded newspapers was a spectacular array of tropical flowers like I’d never seen before, amazing blooms with secondary blossoms growing out of those.

Nelson and TomFishing for the card, I found the signature, “From the Hawaiian Dynamic Duo, Nelson and Tom.” Our Nelson is operations manager on the Youth With A Mission base in Kona, Hawaii, and Tom is the head electrician there, a guy with “flower connections.”

I contacted Nelson immediately to exclaim over my gift and said, “But what’s the occasion?”

His answer was one of those lovely parenting surprises that come from grown children: “Just to say I miss you.”

Tropical bountyDecades ago when I was slogging through stores with young children and someone told me those were the best years, I never dreamed the years with adult kids would be in close competition. Even more than the exotic flowers last weekend was the joy of hearing that Nelson misses us as much as we miss him across the 4300 miles between us.

I’ve seen Mary and Bervin’s children elicit the same delight in them, especially during these days of cancer and chemo. Their grown kids have come alongside and expressed their feelings through words, gifts, and service, special perks genuinely needed and fully appreciated.

Happy mamaBTW, these unexpected pleasures from adult children are unavailable from our pudgy little ones, even though those are “the best years.” But God’s intention is that parents view each child as a  blessing always… at every age.

“Children are a gift from the Lord.” (Psalm 127:3)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. I’m grateful for a wonderful Monday without chemo this week.
  2. Please pray my feeding tube will stop acting up with discomfort/pain, though I’m thankful it nourishes me through the night.

A Good Deal

Many people say the human race is basically good. Though the Bible says otherwise, I do believe we’re all born with a desire to love and be loved, so maybe we could call that a bit of goodness.

Karl.Both bad and good are evident in young children as they play, snatching toys one minute and planting kisses the next. But because I believe each child is personally created by God, and because God is love, even babies know when someone loves them. They feel it through touch, voice, warmth, full tummies, and quiet environments.

My sister Mary has 9 grandchildren (Karl, left, is one of them), and so do I. We love all 18 of them and try to stay current with each one. Their 18 birthdays are on both of our calendars, and we pray regularly for them. Despite all that, though, most of our grands live far away from us and each other, which means the youngest tend to forget between visits, especially who the great aunt is.

But then there’s that beautiful moment when they finally remember.

???????????????????????????????Last weekend it happened to me with 5 year old Karl. We’d just celebrated his birthday and were all outside playing when suddenly he bounded up the porch steps and plunked down at my side, leaning into me for an extended cuddle with his head pressed against my cheek.

While nuzzling me like a contended kitty he said, “You’re a perfect ‘nother grandma that I will love, too!”

He grabbed my arm and held it tightly around him for quite some time. Those witnessing this got a kick out of it as much as I did, and his papa, Luke, snapped a picture. It was an example of love rising to the surface and bubbling over.

Thinking of this in relation to God, it’s astounding that he “bubbles over” with love for each of us much like little Karl did for me. There’s only one difference: with God it isn’t just an occasionally-inspired moment but the theme of his existence. And when You are love, You love every second.

If I had responded coolly to Karl, nudging him away, he would have been hurt, and our budding relationship would have suffered a set-back. The same holds true with the Lord. He’s longing to show love in countless ways, but we often prefer him to be an arm’s length away. I don’t know if this wounds him, but surely it’s a relationship set-back.

KarlAs for Karl, I don’t know if he’ll remember the tender moment we shared when I see him next, but if he doesn’t, I plan on reminding him, so we can pick up right where we left off.

“God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:5)

 

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Thanking God that the wave of nausea after infusion #3 has finally subsided.
  2. Thanking God for my prayer groups and the strong friendships linked through prayer.
  3. Please pray I will have an attitude of gratitude for the many blessings in my life.

Eager Expectations

???????????????????????????????Last week I took 18 month old Emerald to the beach, and though she’d been there last year as a baby, this time everything was new again. She experimented with different size shovels, enjoyed the toys we’d brought, and worked hard to stay upright on a steep dune. Best of all, though, was touching the sand.

She spent at least 15 minutes picking up fistfuls and rubbing it between her fingers, feeling its texture, watching it fall. Every so often she’d squeal, bubbling over with joy over this new experience.

This morning while reading from Oswald Chambers’ My Utmost for His Highest, God showed me how Emerald’s behavior at the beach paralleled what is supposed to be our experience as Christians. When she stands up in her crib each morning, Emerald has no idea what her day will bring, and it doesn’t bother her in the least. She has no expectations and approaches each day with eagerness.

Chambers wrote, “We do not know what each day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness; it should be rather an expression of breathless expectation.”

???????????????????????????????His point? No matter what uncertainties we feel, we can be certain of God. “He packs our life with surprises,” Chambers said. And this is where Emerald comes in. He referred to Matthew 18:3 (“Except you… become as little children”) when he wrote, “Spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God but uncertain of what he is going to do next.” Emerald isn’t uncertain of Birgitta and her capable leadership, protection, and love. She just has no idea what it will look like on any given day.

We adults, however, often find that kind of certainty-in-God difficult to cultivate. It’s much easier to “sigh with sadness” when we can’t at least partially predict the future. This is the frustration Mary was experiencing when she couldn’t decide for or against chemotherapy. And it’s similar now as she approaches treatment. Will the side- effects be debilitating? Will I be able to participate in regular life? Will I lose my hair? Will the chemo kill the cancer? Will it add years to my life?

It seems incongruous to label cancer or chemotherapy “a life-surprise” since a surprise is usually good. But that’s how God wants us to see them.

???????????????????????????????If we’ve entrusted our lives to his care the way Emerald entrusts herself to Birgitta, we don’t need to know the specifics of what’s ahead.

As Chambers wrote, “When we are rightly related to God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy.”

Joyful uncertainty. Sounds like an oxymoron, but the Lord wants us to joyfully believe the certain things about him, and just let the rest go.

“The plans I have for you,” says the Lord “are plans for good and not for disaster.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Praise for a weight gain of 5 pounds!
  2. Pray for the decision about chemo location, which will probably be made on Wednesday
  3. Praise for good sleep at night