Category Archives: Children

The Best Laid Plans

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SanibelThe last week of March is normally the pivot of my sister’s year because her entire family gathers to share a long-standing tradition: a vacation on Sanibel Island, Florida. That’s 1 husband, 7 children, 4 in-law children, 9 grandchildren, and her.

We can credit Nate with “finding” Sanibel, though it’s been on the map for quite some time. He first visited the island in 1966 on a college spring break with his roommate. Promising himself he’d return one day, he finally did in 1979, with a wife and 3 children in tow. Sanibel’s unsullied beauty charmed us all and brought us back year after year.

???????????????????????????????Mary’s family, vacationing on Marco Island farther south, occasionally visited Sanibel, and eventually we convinced them to vacation there, too. The island became our extended family gathering spot where even our elderly parents joined in. Though a family financial crisis kept Nate and I from regular vacations after 1990, Mary’s family continued the Sanibel tradition.

Actually, they’re supposed to be on the island right now.

Plane tickets had been purchased. Road trips planned. Deposits paid. Twenty-two people had all but put their clothes into suitcases when cancer was found. As Mary and Bervin pursued medical facts and an accurate diagnosis, they encouraged the rest of their family to head for Sanibel anyway. “All of you should go,” they said.

But not one of them would.

Instead, they rallied around their parents and committed to staying close by and available through the cancer journey. Not once have I heard a complaint or an if-only from any of them.

I had one, though: “If only they could have had their time in Sanibel before finding cancer…. Or maybe afterwards.”

That’s when God brought me up short, as he often has to do. “Did it ever occur to you I kept them from going to Sanibel on purpose, for My purpose?”

Here are the thoughts the Lord gave me: “There’s virtually no medical help on that island. Even the hospital located off the island couldn’t compare to the world class medical care Chicago and Rochester gave them. You didn’t see it coming, but I saw Mary’s 104.6 fever. And I saw her cancer. And I kept her home to facilitate immediate, expert help.”

He went on: “I also structured it so that 20 family members would have an ideal opportunity to show love to Mary and Bervin by setting their own disappointment aside and rallying around them.”

Oh.

When something in life blindsides us, it’s important to note the timing. In the Bible we see God unfolding all kinds of intricately timed plans in the lives of his people, and he’s still doing it today. My knee-jerk reaction about a missed vacation was, “What a shame.” A better response would have been, “I trust you to know best, Lord.”

Thankfully Mary’s entire family reacted with nothing but love.

7 kids minus Jo“Put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” (Colossians 3:14)

Mary’s prayer requests:

  1. For the newly-prescribed antibiotics to work well on the infection that’s developed around Mary’s feeding tube
  2. That God will work it out to head home Thursday to receive Marta (flying into Chicago from Arkansas Friday morning).
  3. Praise for some tomato soup today. Mary said, “It tasted so good!”
  4. Praise for reminders of God’s presence at Mayo’s. Today a volunteer piano player was singing and playing “How great is our God!”

Thinking Alike

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???????????????????????????????Mary and I were born 20 months apart, close sisters but opposites in many ways. Maybe that’s why we’ve had a good partnership all these years, since people often gravitate toward those who have what they lack. Strangely enough, though, after thinking through a decision in opposite ways, Mary and I often land in the same place.

Twin cardsTake clothes, for example. Our kids laugh at how often we turn up at family gatherings wearing near-identical outfits without any prior planning. Gift exchanges are often more like matching swaps, and this Valentine’s Day we sent each other identical sister-cards purchased in different stores at different times.

Maybe this kind of think-alike is true of most sister-combos. After all, we were raised in the same home by the same parents who used the same tactics on both of us. But maybe sisters think alike because their attachment over years of time has allowed them to become more alike, by watching each other and learning.

Scripture tells us we ought to hang out with people we admire and hope to emulate. Maybe sisters learn what to do and what not to do just by growing up together.  The same can be true in long marriages, which is why couples who’ve been together 20 years or more have learned to dismiss the bad and imitate the good.

Spiritually speaking, all Christians are encouraged to become more like Christ. He’s our sibling-example, the one we should follow around and try to copy. Ephesians 4:15 advises us to do this, suggesting that each day we ought to be making small-but-steady progress.

None of us will have become enough like Christ to be ready for that momentous meeting face-to-face. It’s only through his gift of salvation that we’ll have that privilege at all. I have a hunch, though, that he’s going to commend the efforts we made (no matter how paltry) to think and act like him.

The Lennon SistersMary and I enjoy thinking alike, but there’s one project we can’t undertake as sisters: singing duets. We like listening to the unique blend of synchronized sister-voices, but Mary’s and my only hope for that would be in the next world. Maybe Jesus will give us the ability to sing like other sister-groups, like the Andrews Sisters and the Lennon Sisters. We could be the Johnson sisters! Sounds like sweet harmony to me.

“Walk with the wise and become wise.” (Proverbs 13:20)

Mary’s prayer requests:

  1. Praise for Bervin’s patience. As Mary says, “It’s hard being cooped up in a hotel room this long when you’re healthy.”
  2. Praise for the live streaming of the Moody Church service this morning (Mary and Bervin’s home church), which was uplifting
  3. Pray about the sharp abdominal pains Mary has had throughout the weekend in her feeding tube area, that tomorrow’s hospital appointment with the “tube expert” will resolve the problem.
  4. Please continue to pray for weight gain.

When Unnatural Becomes Natural

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This week I’m writing from Florida, where I’m lending a hand to daughter Linnea and her family of six. Though I bought my plane ticket last October, I had decided to cancel my trip, wanting to stay close to my sister Mary as her cancer drama unfolded.

Autumn, Micah, Isaac, SkylarBut she and Bervin wouldn’t hear of it. “Don’t call off your plans to help Linnea,” they said, ever-conscious of the needs of others. “You should go.” So here I am, 1600 miles from Mary, getting reacquainted with Skylar (5), Micah (4), Autumn (2) and Isaac (8 weeks). Despite non-stop action, my mind hasn’t been more than inches from Mary.

The other day I mentioned that to her. But ever-positive she said, “Enjoy all that youth down there!”

Last week when I asked if she was worn out after many of her adult children had been over for dinner she said, “It’s encouraging to be around their youthful energy!”

I admire her for her upbeat comments during a very down time. She could just as easily have said, “I wish I was young again, too” or “What I wouldn’t I give to have that kind of energy,” or “If only I was as healthy as they are.” But her positive comments give a glimpse into her intentional bright-side thinking.

???????????????????????????????When you’re born a natural worrier as Mary was, landing on life-positives and plugging them into the words you speak is no small effort. But as Mary’s example demonstrates, the more we work at what doesn’t come naturally, the more we succeed.

God asks all of us to do difficult things now and then. For example, he wants us to ditch unhealthy habits and establish healthy ones. When neither of those appeal to our stubborn wills, we rebel and say, “I can’t do that, Lord, because…” and follow that with lots of reasons why not. God sees that as an unwillingness to obey.

I’ve witnessed it repeatedly here in Florida. Linnea will say to Micah, “Two more minutes on the trampoline, and then it’s time to come in.”

???????????????????????????????“But Mommy!” he’ll say. “I didn’t have enough jumping yet! Skylar was bothering me! It’s not fair! I can’t come in! I have to do more jumping!”

Micah’s response to Linnea is much like ours to God. The only difference is we hide ours behind labels like “an expression of my opinion” or “a defense of my legitimate feelings.” The results are the same: “I won’t do it your way.”

Which is why I admire Mary so much. Years ago she made up her mind to look on life’s brighter side, putting away complaining and substituting gratitude instead. It was something God wanted her to do. After she’d worked hard at it for years, what was once unnatural became natural. And now it’s who she is.

???????????????????????????????Maybe that’s because whenever we willingly follow God’s instructions, he blessed us richly for it.

“Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed.” (Proverbs 16:3)

Mary’s prayer requests:

  1. Peace for her children and that they’d turn to God’s Word for strength and comfort
  2. Praise for the flood of support and encouragement received through prayer, gifts, cards, calls, emails, visits.
  3. Thanks for Bervin who is faithfully staying beside Mary through all of this. For peace and courage for him.