What’d ya say?

Posted on February 4, 2014 by Margaret

Fifteen month old Emerald learns a new word virtually every day now, and yesterday she came up with this one: “Gar!”

At first I didn’t know what she meant. When she said it, she was on the kitchen floor focusing on something very small, which turned out to be a rice-sized tidbit of paper. Using her petite thumb and finger, she managed to pick it up and held it high for me to see. “Gar!” she said, smiling broadly.

Though I wished I’d had an interpreter, she let me know what it meant by acting it out. Crawling to the cabinet door under the kitchen sink, she opened it, stood up, and dropped her smidgen of paper into the trash basket there. “Gar!” she said, and of course she meant “garbage.”

It’s an important benefit to any relationship if we can fully understand what a loved one is trying to tell us. But what happens if the words we hear aren’t an accurate representation of the opinion or feelings of the speaker?

Gary Chapman says part of why we misinterpret each other (which can cause arguments, hurt feelings, or confusion) is that different people “speak” in a variety of languages. He calls them love languages, and we hear best when the one communicating with us is “saying” it in our language.

Sadly, when someone tries to explain to us what they’re feeling, we often receive it differently than how they mean it, or at least differently than they think they’re saying it. When that happens, our conversation is headed for trouble.

Learning to be a good listener is tricky. First we have to want to be one, and a prerequisite for that is to willingly set aside our preconceived opinions about the subject at hand, while the other person is talking. This can be a monumental challenge and requires lots of practice. (Take it from someone who has frequently flunked this part.) If, however, we can accomplish that and then listen carefully, our original opinion about the person or their message will probably have changed, and improved communication will be the result.

Working hard to develop good listening and speaking skills has another benefit, too. It trains us to become better at our back-and-forth with God. Thankfully he always knows the perfect language to get through to us, and no matter how inept we might be at our conversational efforts in return, he interprets our heart’s intentions correctly 100% of the time.

Practice may not make us perfect, but it’ll get us closer. As for Emerald, later that same afternoon I followed her back into the kitchen where she was doing some practicing of her own. “Gar!” she said again. And I rounded the corner just in time to see her stuffing a clean dish towel into the trash. Smiling up at me she said, “Gar!”

Maybe the two of us still have room for some conversational improvement.

“If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” (Proverbs 18:13)

Guard Duty

Posted on February 3, 2014 by Margaret

During recent babysitting gigs with Emerald, she’s refused to take a nap. Despite my following the same pre-bed routine as her mommy, she clings to me, refusing her bottle and wailing about going into her crib. Though I’ve let her “cry it out” for as long as 25 minutes, she just doesn’t settle.

So today I decided to do things differently. After putting her in the crib amidst loud objections on her part, I put myself on the twin bed nearby and said, “Shhh…. Grandma’s going night-night. Shhh….”

When that didn’t work, I pulled her crib right next to me, reaching through the bars to pat her back. “Night night, Emerald. Grandma’s going to sleep, too. Shhhh….” But nap time was still a no-go.

Most grandmas are wimps when it comes to being strict with a grandbaby, and I’m no exception. I pulled her out of her crib and said, “Let’s go night-night in grandma’s bed then, ok?”

Her crying stopped, and she quickly cuddled up to me, pointing out (and poking into) my eyes, nose, mouth, teeth, ears, and hair. It wasn’t long, though, before she put her head on the bed and was fast asleep. While I worked to gently extract her fingers from my tangled hair (without waking her), I watched her sleep, a spiritual experience if there ever was one.

But then it was time to inch off the bed and leave the room, but how could I be sure she wouldn’t fall off as she slept?

I spent the next 20 minutes building a fence around her, tip-toeing in with a row of dining room chairs, followed by more chairs to make sure the first chairs wouldn’t slide. I put pillows between her head and the stucco walls and then stood back to assess my work. It still wasn’t good enough. The only sure thing was to stay in the room, watching over her until she woke up.

It occurred to me that while I was watching over Emerald, God was watching over both of us, not just during that 2 hour nap time but always. He remains at his “guard post” 24/7, not so much to prevent adversity or keep us 100% safe but to maintain a level of control over what happens to us. He may allow trouble to come but will only let it go “so far.”

This afternoon while on guard duty, I watched Emerald move in her sleep, rolling onto different sides, fumbling for her pacifier with eyes closed, stretching out on her back. She rolled near the edge of the bed once, but I was right there, in case she fell. Yet she had no awareness of the security I was providing by being in the room.

Sometimes we’re unaware of God’s protection, too, despite him having told us he’s always watching. But on those days when we believe he’s there, it makes all the difference in the world.

“The ways of a man are before the eyes of the Lord, and He watches all his paths.” (Proverbs 5:21)

Embracing Instruction

Posted on February 2, 2014 by Margaret

The other day I was walking down our narrow stairway with Emerald in my arms. She pointed to the wall in front of us and “verbalized” the familiar squawk she makes when she wants to stop and examine something. Posted in my stairwell is 2 Corinthians 5:7, God’s advice for us to walk by faith and not by sight.

Emerald and I stopped and stood on the steps while I read the words to her, pointing to each one. At 15 months she has no understanding of their meaning, but I put lots of animation into the reading, and when I finished, she put her pudgy hands together and applauded. We laughed and moved on down the stairs. And that was that.

Later I thought, why can’t I read those words to her every single time we go down the stairs together? Eventually she’ll begin expecting me to stop and read, and one day (after she learns to talk in more than single words) she’ll start reciting the words along with me. Though she still won’t understand them, a lovely thing will have been accomplished: the memorization of an important, practical piece of God’s truth. And eventually she’ll want to know what it means.

How great it is that the God behind Scripture’s words is the same Person today in 2014 as he was 2000 years ago when that letter to the Corinthian church was put on parchment. And his unchanged nature is the reason we can post pieces of the Bible in our homes (or anywhere else) with confidence in its value and power.

Of course we should be careful never to take verses out of context or twist their meaning to fit personal purposes. But when we post these verses with a sincere desire that God himself permeate our homes and families, I believe it pleases him.

He strongly encourages us to do it in Deuteronomy 11 where he says, “Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds… Teach them to your children… Talk about them when you sit, walk, lie down, get up… Write them on the door-frames of your houses.”

It’s that last part that has motivated me to hang up bits of the Bible in every room.

If we intentionally soak our minds in these potent words, it’ll gradually shape our thinking and then our lives, how we act and what we say. And when we miss the mark (as I often do), visible Scripture can bring us back to center.

Every time I walk downstairs, with or without Emerald in my arms, my eyes fall on God’s advice to walk by faith and not by sight. And even a thick-headed person like me eventually finds herself folding this principle into her life.

I pray it will one day be the same for Emerald.