Really? No rules?

Posted on August 26, 2013 by Margaret

My sister, brother and I grew up in a house with very few rules. Actually, I can’t think of even one. Our mom operated at the extreme end of lenient, and of course we kids were happy about that.

Recently I wondered if my advanced age might not have tilted the truth on that, so I asked Mary. Since she’s 2 years ahead of me, her childhood memories are inevitably more accurate than mine.

“No,” she said, thinking back. “I can’t remember a single rule.”

Not having any rules didn’t mean Mom wasn’t teaching us. For example, I recall one moment when I was 11 and had developed the sloppy bathroom habit of stuffing wet towels into the towel bar in a ball-like wad. Then one day Mom walked in just as I was stuffing.

Rather than chide me, she took the towel out of the bar, shook it out, and said, “I’ll be interested to visit your house some day when you’re an adult. All your bathroom towels will be wet balls.”

She then carefully looped the towel over the bar, running her hand the length of it for extra smoothness. I stood there studying her work and realized for the first time why my towels had always been damp. But something else more important happened, too. I felt badly about stuffing my towel, because I’d been a disappointment to Mom.

Many years later I asked her, “Why didn’t you ever give us a list of rules or punish us when we did things badly?”

Her answer revealed her parenting philosophy. “Once you knew the right thing to do, I knew you’d do it…. because you loved me.”

Hmmmm.

I’ve often felt that same way toward God, wanting to please him with my daughter-behavior. When I fail, it impacts me greatly because of how much I love him. It’s interesting that after God set out 10 commands for his children to obey, Jesus condensed them into 2, both based on acting in love in response to his love for us. Maybe Mom had something there.

Nate and I raised our children with rules, insisting on regular chores, compulsory church attendance, spankings for defiant behavior, etc. Maybe we had to do it because there were so many of them. Or maybe the difference between our rules and Mom’s lack of them was that she was a kid-at-heart and we weren’t.

In any case, years after my towel-hanging exchange with Mom, I had acquired some bathroom towel bars of my own. And when she came to visit Nate and I, she always found neatly hung towels drying nicely.

But then 7 children joined us, requiring endless towel-hanging exchanges with them that were no fun to have. So we finally eliminated the whole problem. We took down the towel bars and hung 7 hooks.

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind and…. Love your neighbor as yourself…. The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:37-40)

If Walls Could Talk

Posted on August 21, 2013 by Margaret

A while ago Nelson and I were running errands and decided to take the back roads home instead of the highway (for 28 miles). He said, “There’s lots of interesting stuff off the beaten trail that nobody gets to see.”

Driving along winding roads past country fields, colorful farm equipment, and family vegetable stands, we rounded a bend and came to something significant: an old-fashioned, one-room school- house. Its foundation was of rocks, the rest of it built with small red bricks.

Nelson pulled over so we could take a closer look. A plaque verified its name (Spring Creek School), age (1886), district (No. 3), and current owner (Three Oaks Township Parks and Recreation).

We tried to imagine what students were like as they attended this school 127 years ago, wondering how many studied at once. Though the door was locked, through a window we saw a giant pot-bellied stove and later learned it was original to the school, along with the thick plank flooring and wood-paneled walls.

Immediately I thought of the “Little House on the Prairie” books, much-loved and often- read in our home. Laura Ingalls was a school girl in the 1880’s too, so the children who attended Spring Creek School probably lived lives very similar to hers. Later we learned the “modern” brick school had replaced a cherry-wood, one-room log school built in 1844 on that spot.

Far more important than how the little red schoolhouse came into being, though, or even how well it’s held up through the decades, were the connections made between those who passed through its door. Childhood friendships, student-teacher relationships, mentoring situations, and student-to-student tutoring all probably mattered longer than just school hours. When people left for the day, for the year, or even permanently, what remained?

We learn in Scripture that relationships are really all that matter: (1) God, Jesus, and the Spirit to each other; (2) members of that Trinity to us; and (3) people to people. How we relate is critical (both for now and for eternity) and the Lord steadily supplies opportunities for us to practice making wise choices on both counts. If and when we fail, he doesn’t give up on us but soon provides another go-round at exactly what we messed up the first time.

Children and adults alike can be kind to each other or act badly, choosing to either inspire or discourage others. But in wondering about the children and teachers who used the little Spring Creek School, I like to think that solid friendships were made during the 1880’s and beyond, positive influences that lasted through future generations, all the way till today.

Wanting to find out, Nelson walked to a nearby farm to ask a few questions. Approaching the stand of fresh strawberries out in front, he asked the woman there if she knew anything about the school. “Oh yes,” she said, handing him a pint of berries. “My grandfather was a student there, and our farm here was his farm.”

And she still lives there, just across the road from Spring Creek School.

“Live in harmony with one another…. Never be wise in your own sight.” (Romans 12:16)

It’s our choice.

Posted on August 20, 2013 by Margaret

Although I’m home after a 12 day trip to England, pieces of my mind and heart are still over there. Often during the day I’ll check the clock and add 5 hours to mentally get back into their routine for a few minutes. Also, looking at weather.com for what’s happening outside their windows is another way I can move closer while still being far away.

Any time I’m able to spend concentrated time with my grandchildren, I find myself newly appreciating the great variety among the 9 of them and see again the extent of God’s marvelous creativity. Though all humans have much in common, the diversity is astounding.

The other day in England Katy and I were having a lunchtime chat with Nicholas, Thomas and Evelyn when the subject of musical instruments came up. As we talked about Katy’s musical background and talents, Evelyn piped up, “I’m going to play a trumpet!” nodding her head for emphasis as if to say, “It’s a sure thing!”

Thomas quickly chimed in, “I’m going to play the tambourine!” and Nicholas calmly said, “I want to play a flute.”

Later, Katy and I talked about how the personalities God had implanted in these three children showed through in their instrument choices. Evelyn is vivacious, strong-willed, and spirited, a perfect match for the trumpet. Thomas is deliberate, friendly, and emotional, a good pairing with a tambourine. And Nicholas is detailed and soft-spoken with a quirky sense of humor, joining nicely with the flute.

Their choices of instruments that day were, in a way, outward expressions of their inner makeup. But isn’t that true for all of us? The choices we make reveal who we are.

The same holds true for God. If we read Scripture with the intent of understanding him better, all we have to do is study his choices. For example, he chooses to extend grace, though he lets us suffer consequences for what we do. He also chooses to discipline us when we rebel against him but to love us no matter what. But best of all, he chooses to save us from judgment rather than to let us experience what we deserve.

In looking at those choices and hundreds more in the Bible, we get a glimpse of who God really is, deep down. By that, we come to know him better (though I don’t believe we’ll ever know him completely) and love him more.

Interestingly, God wants to study the choices we make, too, and not just which musical instruments we choose to play. He’s far more interested in our spiritual choices, and in particular, whether or not we’ll choose him. And maybe part of deciding one way or another about what to do is to be sure we learn as much as possible about the One hoping we will choose him.