An Important Preposition

Mary and I have been working through a challenging Bible study together in the last few weeks. Louisa and Birgitta have been doing it too, and all of us have become aware that the preposition “in”, though little, has big significance.

Believing GodOur study is titled “Believing God,” and one of the first things we learned was the monumental difference between believing God and believing IN God. Most people, if stopped on the street would say, “Sure. I believe in God.” But is that the same as actually believing him?

In our Bible study we’ve memo- rized 5 statements that are critical to God-belief without the “in”:

  1. God is who he says he is.
  2. God can do what he says he can do.
  3. I am who God says I am.
  4. I can do all things through Christ.
  5. God’s Word is alive and active in me.

In our Bible study we repeat these powerful truths aloud at the beginning of each session, reminding ourselves that if we don’t agree with these five, we’re believing IN God, not believing God.

I'm believing God.And that’s not all. Our video instructor asked us to find a blue ribbon or cord to tie around one wrist during our weeks of learning. Much like a string tied around a finger, it was to be a reminder of those 5 truths. When we saw our blue cord many times each day, we were supposed to say, “I’m believing God,” accompanying it with sign language: “I’m (pointing to chest) believing (pointing to head) God (pointing upward).”

Two Thursdays back, Mary had a fever and wasn’t feeling well, so she missed our study time. We decided not to proceed without her, hoping she’d be back the next week, but by then she’d learned about her cancer. Now we’ve pushed the pause button indefinitely, because our little band of believers wouldn’t be the same without her.

When I visited Mary the morning after her diagnosis, her blue cord was peeking out from under her hospital gown, not much more than a few threads now. But there it was, testifying to those 5 rock-solid reasons for continuing to believe God, despite pancreatic cancer.

Believing God, even nowI’m wearing my blue cord, too, and as we chatted that first painful morning, I quietly planned to do the finger exercise at an opportune time, pointing to chest, head, and upward. Mary would know what it meant. But she beat me to it. Only a few minutes into our conversation her arm went up, she pointed to her blue cord, and did the point, point, point: I’m – believing – God.

So how, specifically, is she believing him? Today, she said it was this way:

“The Lord will cover [me] with his feathers. He will shelter [me] with his wings. His faithful promises are [my] armor and protection.” (Psalm 91:4)

Mary’s prayer requests:

  1.  For God’s wisdom in making treatment decisions
  2.  For preparation of each family member for what they will learn this week
  3.  For comfort, especially for her children

Thank you!

Test of Faith

CancerWhen a life-crisis comes, it can test a person’s faith. Such is the case with the crisis of Mary’s cancer diagnosis 5 days ago. The Bible tells us, “You will have trouble.” (John 16:33) And yet when it comes, we’re never prepared.

Or are we?

In that same verse Jesus is talking, and just before his warning that we’ll all have troubles, he says that even while we’re in the midst of them, he wants us to experience his deep inner peace. He says he makes “his glorious power” available to us to produce endurance and that we’ll be given as much as we need. (Colossians 1:11)

Even though Mary hasn’t known about her cancer for very long, I’ve glimpsed that “glorious power” at work within her already. I look back at texts from Saturday, that long, frustrating day she and Bervin spent in the emergency room, and see how she was suffering: high fever, a bad belly ache, and the sudden onset of jaundice.

CT machine

As doctors began a string of tests and hinted at what might be wrong, Mary sensed the day wasn’t going to end well. The two of us were texting off and on, and midday she wrote, “Don’t worry. Just keep praying.”

 

As the diagnosis came closer, she knew it was more than just a bad case of the flu but wrote, “‘Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice.’ I’m glad God is near.”

Between those words I could hear the Lord’s strength growing within her and knew he was preparing her for what was ahead. Three hours later she texted, “The Lord is near.”

Hours after that, just after she and Bervin had heard the words “pancreatic cancer,” she texted this: “I’m sorry for how this will affect you and yours as I walk down the same road as Nate. I know this is hard all around, but amazingly I’ve been at peace all day.”

Those were the words of a woman who had been supernaturally prepared by God to stand strong even in the face of cancer. One of Mary’s last texts on that awful day, coming after the diagnosis and well after midnight, was, “God is good.”

God is good.How can someone who’s just been told she has cancer actually believe God is good? The only reasonable answer is that he had personally prepared her ahead of time by strengthening her faith in him. Though she may not have felt it while it was happening, it was. She has always trusted God to do what was best, so he readied her for Saturday’s events.

That’s not to say Mary’s “trouble” isn’t going to be hard. The enemy of faith, the devil, is going to do all he can to make her miserable and shake her trust in God, but I believe he’s going to be sorely disappointed. This faith-test is only going to polish her into brightly shining faith-gold.

“I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.” (Psalm 16:8)

Words from Mary

After 4 days in the hospital, last night my sister Mary got her greatest wish: to go home. Nobody likes the plasticized pillows or the unending interruptions. (…like the nurse who came in to take more blood: “Good morning!” she said in a cheery voice, flipping on the lights. It was 4:00 AM.)

The function of Mary’s stay was to complete a battery of tests so her team of doctors could make an accurate analysis and recommend treatment. Next week she’ll receive the news, whether good, bad, or somewhere in between.

???????????????????????????????Last night I promised we would hear from Mary today, and below are excerpts from a letter she wrote on Sunday, letting it be known for the first time she had cancer:

Last week I experienced three days of mysterious high fevers.  When I saw a doctor on Saturday, he sent us to the emergency room for tests.  It was a huge shock to [husband] Berv and me, and it will be a shock to you, to learn I have been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  The testing will enable them to stage the cancer.

As we learn more, I’ll pass it on to you.  Margaret has offered her blog to share any updates, and God has led me to say yes. If there are specific prayer requests, you’ll find them there too.

Having to tell my [7] children what I’ve just told you was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. No mother wants to cause her children pain. But Scripture promises great spiritual gain can result from suffering, and that is my hope and prayer. Please pray for my children, children-in-law, grandchildren, and for Bervin, who is holding up as well as can be expected, trying to stay strong for all of us. But he is understandably sad and upset.

???????????????????????????????Today Margaret brought me a beautiful beach stone, the most beautiful one I’ve ever seen. On it was inscribed Psalm 71:3. This afternoon six year old [grandson] Beck read it for us. “Be to me a Rock of habitation, to which I may continually come.  Thou art my Rock and my Fortress…my confidence from my youth.”  I know, without doubt, God will never leave me or forsake me, and I’m clinging to Him and His Word to carry me all the way through.

Thanking the Lord for you, 

Mary

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On Saturday when we heard the words “pancreatic cancer,” we all jumped to a radical conclusion: that Mary would follow the same path Nate did. (He died 42 days after diagnosis.) But with great joy we’re now believing we were wrong about that. Mary’s cancer is a very rare pancreatic, occurring less than 10% of the time. In cases like hers, surgery has been known to extend a person’s life for quite a while.

In the mean time, Mary is setting the example by not worrying about tomorrow, because just as Jesus said,

“Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” (Matthew 6:34)