Category Archives: Disease and dying

A Happy Ending

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It was back to the cemetery for our family today, a tradition of nearly 50 years. If we count our parents’ visits, it’s much longer than that.

Rosehill Cemetery

So, in this morning’s cold rain, 8 car-loads of relatives left Michigan and headed toward Chicago’s Rosehill Cemetery located at Bryn Mawr and Western Avenues. Though we have no formal program there each Memorial Day, the family historian (Mary) encourages people to prepare memories, even silly ones, about any of those buried in the family plot.

Today our brother Tom started, having brought a book detailing the history of this interesting cemetery, including its Civil War veterans. He read aloud, describing the notables buried nearby, and we were reminded of the care some take to leave detailed burial instructions for their heirs. All of us hope to be remembered well, and in an effort to shape the thinking of those still living, Rosehill burial monuments range from fascinating to bizarre.

Explaining who is buried.

This morning Mary brought photos of past cemetery visits when the adult children present today were still babies. Her notebook included large photos of each deceased relative, and she showed the children how to match the pictures to the tombstone names. The idea of death being a part of everyone’s earthly life is a topic we’ve all been encouraged to freely discuss.

We talked about Nate (the most recent death) and his loyalty to his law clients, his infectious laugh, and his soldiering on through difficulties.

We also talked of Dad bringing Mom to this spot on some of their first dates in 1940. He was letting her know that family was a top priority with him, and it might even have been a test to see if she felt the same. Now, after 50 years of marriage, they’re buried side-by-side.

Dad had also mentioned that since his brother and mother both died in the early 1900’s before effective embalming and weatherproof caskets, their bodies had probably decomposed. He told us, ”Most likely their remains are feeding the roots of this big oak tree here.”

We found his comment odd and also funny, but it revealed an acceptance of death as part of life. Dad believed, as the rest of us do, that those buried in the family plot had gone ahead to better lives.

Key words? “Gone ahead.”

These deceased relatives now know far more than we do about life after death. Though their bodies may have deteriorated at the end of their lives and after death, their spirits  soared to life-spectacular. That’s why we can stand at the cemetery every Memorial Day and talk openly of their lives and deaths without spooky feelings, uncertainty, or fear. We’re confident each of them is privy to a happy ending. Thankfully, the rest of us can be sustained by the same hope.

Prayer of gratitude

Traveling 200 miles today to be reminded of that was well worth the drive.

“In [God’s] great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you.” (1 Peter 1:3-4)

Loss or Gain?

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Nate's mailThis week Nate got two pieces of mail, reminders of someone who used to live with us but now is missing. One envelope even said, “We want you back!” It used to hurt when this kind of thing happened, but after 3½ years, it doesn’t zap me like it used to. I know my heart is healing, and I’m grateful.

But there will be more pain-producing moments in the future. It’s true for all of us, since no life is without its share of grief. If we aren’t dealing with a loved one’s death, we’re processing other losses – a job, a prodigal child, a bank account, an opportunity, a friendship, a home.

Of the billions who’ve lived on the earth, not one has escaped travail. We can trace that back to the first humans when they lost Eden, and that was just for starters. Never, as long as we live, will there be a loss-less life.

So how do we cope with such a dismal prospect?

Surely God doesn’t want us to live on red-alert beneath a banner that says, “WATCH OUT!” Scripture tells us, “The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning.” (Ecclesiastes 7:4) This probably means that as we move through life’s losses from grief to healing, we somehow gain wisdom along the way. If life is hunky-dory, we don’t learn much.

The biblical Paul insisted that every struggle he endured (when persecuted for his faith) was minor compared to what he gained in the way of salvation. This was quite a mouthful, considering all he’d experienced:

  • temporary blindness
  • 195 lashes (He kept track.)
  • 3 beatings with rods
  • 1 stoning with intent to kill
  • 3 shipwrecks at sea
  • multiple robberies
  • unnumbered whippings
  • intense physical pain
  • severe thirst and hunger
  • extreme cold without proper clothes
  • multiple imprisonments
  • the deaths of friends

Each of these included painful loss and a struggle to heal, physically and also emotionally. But Paul was willing, actually eager, to tackle trouble for two reasons:       (1) to testify to God’s bringing him through; and (2) to grow in wisdom.

Most of us won’t have to cope with such a list of agonies. But as we endure different losses, we have a choice: to respond as Paul did, leaning into God’s sustenance, or to resist healing, clinging to our losses.

Pregnant Katy

When I see Nate’s name in my mail, I miss him a great deal, but I no longer cry over the envelopes, a credit to God, not me. As the Giver of all gifts, he’s shown me he continues to give, in the midst of our losses. Hans and Katy’s new baby will be born in a week or so, and soon after that we’ll witness Klaus and Brooke’s wedding. Nate won’t be with us for either of these major events, but just like Paul, I have a choice. I can continue weeping over my loss, or I can rejoice in my gains.

The choice is easy.

“Do not say, ‘Why were the old days better than these?’ For it is not wise to ask such questions.” (Ecclesiastes 7:10 )

Studying for Finals

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Fun with MomSunday is Mother’s Day, and I’ve been reflecting on my own mom. Having grown up surrounded by her love, her prayers, and her non-stop good times, the only thing I can do is translate my thoughts to prayers of gratitude.

Mom lived to be 92, and of course she became more sedentary as the years piled up. She never stopped playing games with her grand-kids, though, and loved every encounter with them. But there was something she loved even more than that: reading her Bible. “I’m studying for my finals, you know,” she’d say, a statement that reflected her strong belief she would be in the presence of Jesus “pretty soon.” She wanted to be as well prepared to meet him as she could, and burying herself in his Word seemed like the right approach.

Beach party

In 2004 (her last summer), she stayed a while with us at our cottage in Michigan. As a crowd of us would pack up for the beach, she’d settle into a chair by the window, her Bible in her lap and say, “Have fun!” In her opinion, though, she was having the greater fun, with Scripture.

That summer I watched her repeatedly open to the first page of the Bible, Genesis 1, where day after day she’d be on the same page. One day I asked about that. “Why don’t you turn the page?”

Her answer was interesting. “Have you ever thought there might have been eons of time between Genesis 1:1 and 1:2?” She couldn’t turn the page, because the first one offered so much to think about.

As she sat hour after hour studying Genesis 1, she bounced back and forth from reading to meditating to asking God questions, trying to absorb everything she could.

It was during that summer she said, “The answer to every problem is in the Bible, and that includes the cure for cancer.” Her favorite example of Scripture’s practical information was in Exodus 2:3’s description of the basket that baby Moses’ mother made for him. The Bible says she waterproofed it with “tar and pitch.” Mom said, “That was to let people know where to drill for oil.”

Mom absolutely loved her Bible and fully trusted the Spirit of God to have led the men who wrote it. She often asked us scriptural questions and readily admitted she didn’t have all the answers.

Ya don't say!

I’m quite sure Mom never had to take any heavenly final exam, but if she had, she would have done A-OK. As I think back on her unflagging diligence in studying Genesis 1 that summer, it’s satisfying to know that now, in the Lord’s presence, she has had her questions answered.

And she probably even knows which Bible verses hold the cure for cancer.

Jesus replied, “Are you not in error because you do not know the Scriptures?” (Mark 12:24)