Category Archives: Disease and dying

Plumb Crazy

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The big gunsWe’re taking showers again at our house. After losing repeatedly in a war against the elements (i.e. roots and soil in our basement pipes), we finally saw victory. Two drain-clearing experts arrived with their mega-machinery and extensive know-how, and now our floor drain flows freely.

Amazingly, the whole thing was probably my fault.

It turns out that when this house was built in 1938, the city sewer system didn’t exist. Most houses had septic systems. In the 1970’s, sewers arrived, but many homes (ours included) left basement drains emptying into the ground. That worked well until the year 2000… when we arrived.

While doing yard clean-up one day, I noticed a mini-gulley in the back yard beneath the ivy. Each time I raked, swept, or collected debris, I’d throw it into that long, narrow depression in an effort to level off the ground. Unbeknownst to me, that little ditch was the exit route for our basement shower.

Piled debris

By the time the plumbers figured it out last week, they’d dug through four feet of dirt, leaves, and twigs covering the hole where water had always flowed freely. I’d unwittingly made my own compost pile over the opening, facilitating rapid growth of surrounding roots. As the roots searched for water, they moved directly up the pipe, bringing their soil base along with them. Pretty clever on their part. Absolute idiocy on mine.

This saga is a first-rate example of what a tangled mess can result from making decisions based on wrong information. If I’d have taken one minute to look for a reason why that little ditch was there, I might have seen the edge of the pipe. The plumber actually found a rim of bricks in a semi-circle around the opening, which surely would have tipped me off to the reason for the gulley.

Rushing ahead without thinking (like me) isn’t a sensible way to bounce through life, since it leaves the results open to chance. Scripture speaks to that kind of slapdash approach in a disapproving way: “The wise are cautious and avoid danger; fools plunge ahead with reckless confidence.” (Proverbs 14:16)

Thankfully, this time it was only a plumbing problem. There is one category of life, though, where reckless confidence can lead to permanent catastrophe: our relationship to God. Where do we stand with him? Are we confident we’ll be with him after we die? Or are we recklessly leaving it to chance? These are questions we all need to answer for ourselves.

My plumbing problem was a mystery for a long time, but our whereabouts after we die need never be a mystery. If we put our trust and confidence in God according to his Word, we’ll end up in his presence, exactly as he promised.

The rescue vehicle

And I’m sure there’ll be no plumbing problems there.

“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise… Do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.” (Ephesians 5:15,17)

Mourning in the Morning

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This morning’s church service starred 25 youngsters who sang a story about the Christmas Star of Bethlehem. They were adorable dressed in Sunday finery that was enhanced with angel wings, sheep bonnets, and shepherd’s- wear.

But before their procession down the aisle to the sanctuary stage, Pastor Kyle took the mic and focused our attention on the 26 people who died in Friday’s elementary school shooting, most of them young children the same ages as those we were about to see perform in church.

Kyle did a masterful job of balancing intense grief with Christmas joy, telling us that God hates evil and knows how each Connecticut family feels, since he witnessed the merciless killing of his own Son. We were reminded that his plans include making all things right, in the end. In other words, we don’t have to grieve without hope that justice will be done. Meanwhile, we’re to turn our conversations and our questions into prayer, which is what we did next.

Twenty-six members of the congregation held 26 pieces of paper on which the names and ages of those slain were written, and during the pastor’s prayer for their families, each name and age was read aloud. Emotional sniffles could be heard amongst us, and thoughts of 26 families planning funerals today brought a mix of nausea and grief.

But Linda, our pianist, soothed us all by adding the comforting music of Braham’s Lullaby to her offertory, reminding us of the eternal, impenetrable safety of God’s arms.

Later, while waiting for lunch at a restaurant table for 17, my brother-in-law Bervin helped put things into perspective in a prayer. He made a request for those 26 heartbroken families by asking God to pull their thoughts toward Him. His important prayer was that the momentous losses of their loved ones would cause them to turn their lives over to the Lord of love and eternal security.

And that’s really the bottom line, not just for those involved in the shootings but for all of us, even the children in our church musical this morning. No matter what happens here on earth, especially in terms of bodily harm, it’s important to look to the condition of our souls, because it’s that part of us that can live forever where morning will never include mourning.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

(Horatio Gates Spafford, 1873)

“Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope…. We will be with the Lord forever.” (1 Thessalonians 4:13,17)

Hey Mom: from Nelson

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Although our family is more than a week past the anniversary of Nate’s death, our children continue to share how they’re coping now, 3 years later. The 7 of them range in age from 22 to 39 and thus are all adults, but they’ll always be their Papa’s children.

We widows (and widowers) sometimes become so focused on managing our own seismic changes that we might forget to ask family members how they’re doing, too. Perhaps thoughts from my grown children can encourage other families who are also working to stay close as a group, despite having lost one parent.

Nate’s and my firstborn, Nelson, is currently far from home in Armenia, where he works full time with a global mission organization, Youth With A Mission. Distance on the globe, however, doesn’t translate to distance of heart:

Hey Mom,

I thought about Papa and you, of course, when we crossed over the Nov. 3 anniversary of his death. I have talked before about how that was the time I re-entered missions with YWAM [Youth With A Mission] with my team. It was a totally unique time.

Seeing the pic of him on your blog this morning really made me miss him. Interestingly, I was struck with regret about how I was as a teenager and beyond, and how I wish our relationship had been “more.” Whatever that means, I don’t know. Maybe it just means that I miss him, and it’s easier to beat yourself up for the past than it is to move on in a healthy way.

Here in Armenia, I hear Russian spoken all the time, and it reminds me of Papa. I still can’t believe he could speak it.

You have demonstrated the right way to move on to all of us and so many others. There is an American guy here who works at the US embassy, who did a DTS a while back. [Discipleship Training School with YWAM]  He lost his mother a month ago, and they were really close. He wanted to hear from me about losing a parent, so he took me to a fancy French restaurant the other night, and we “debriefed” a little about it.

God is faithful to use all our experiences for his glory.

Love,
Nel

Our God is a global God, yet he’s also focused on the details of our lives and is “faithful to use all our experiences for his glory.” That includes widowhood and losing a father, as well as youthful mistakes with their consequences, and every other “wish-I-hadn’t” from our pasts. Our heavenly Father is in the business of redeeming our mess-ups by restructuring them as set-ups for positive purposes in the lives of others. Although the devil hopes to immobilize us with ropes of regret, God is always way ahead of him, taking our spiritual lemons and making divine lemonade.

Thank you, Nelson, for your love across the miles and your insightful reminder today.

“Godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted.” (2 Corinthians 7:10)