Category Archives: Disease

In the Classroom

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Mary has learned, as many of us have, that a health crisis can be the best of teachers. In her case, the instructor’s name is “CANCER” and the lesson plan is “WISDOM”.

mobile phoneTonight Mary and I shared a rich conversation on the phone. As always, I had pen and paper handy, ready to write down her prayer requests for tonight’s blog. But by the time we said goodbye, I’d taken two pages of notes. Her insights (below) poured forth without stopping, complete with appropriate Scriptures to back them up. I wish I’d had a recorder!

 

Here’s some of what she said:

  1. Doctors work with statistics, and God works with hearts.
  2. Good endings can come from bad beginnings.
  3. Irregular days cause us to value regular ones.
  4. Taking one day at a time isn’t just a cliché but a good philosophy.
  5. When God doesn’t withdraw a crisis, he partners with us through it.
  6. Future plans must be held loosely.
  7. Hospitals and doctor’s offices are great places to plant seeds of hope in hopeless people.
  8. No matter how serious the crisis, there’s always something to praise God for.

She revealed her new heart as she talked about #6 above, describing her changed point of view. “I used to think if I wrote something on my calendar, it was a definite. Whatever it said, would get done. Once cancer hit, I had to back away from all kinds of obligations I had been sure I was going to keep.”

ContentShe went on. “Now when I write something on the calendar, I can’t be sure it’ll happen. It’s all up to God. If I can meet my commitments, it will be because he willed it that way. If I can’t, it’s also because he willed it. It’s all up to him.”

We talked about the Scripture passage in James that says something like this: “Don’t say, ‘Today or tomorrow we’ll go here or there’ when you don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Instead you should say, ‘If it’s the Lord’s will, we’ll do this or that’.” (4:13-15)

She explained how she “gets that” now in a way she never had before and wants to hold everything loosely in the future. Applying it to her choice of hospital and chemotherapy team, any of the 3 would have been fine, she said, because wherever she landed, God would still be in charge. “So the choice was really between good, good, and good.”

She and Bervin chose the University of Chicago Hospital, and whatever is accomplished there will be because God accomplishes it through the chemo team. Such thinking lifts what could have been a heavy burden before going into treatment, which will begin on May 12, and last for 6 months.

I loved being in Mary’s cancer-classroom tonight, listening to all she’s learned. And as incongruous as it may seem, because of her cancer, she’s better than ever.

“The things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:18)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Praise for the chemo decision having been made
  2. Praise for a “regular” day, participating at the Mom-to-Mom Ministry at church
  3. Pray that God will guard my heart when I can’t sleep and fears try to creep back in

Eager Expectations

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???????????????????????????????Last week I took 18 month old Emerald to the beach, and though she’d been there last year as a baby, this time everything was new again. She experimented with different size shovels, enjoyed the toys we’d brought, and worked hard to stay upright on a steep dune. Best of all, though, was touching the sand.

She spent at least 15 minutes picking up fistfuls and rubbing it between her fingers, feeling its texture, watching it fall. Every so often she’d squeal, bubbling over with joy over this new experience.

This morning while reading from Oswald Chambers’ My Utmost for His Highest, God showed me how Emerald’s behavior at the beach paralleled what is supposed to be our experience as Christians. When she stands up in her crib each morning, Emerald has no idea what her day will bring, and it doesn’t bother her in the least. She has no expectations and approaches each day with eagerness.

Chambers wrote, “We do not know what each day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness; it should be rather an expression of breathless expectation.”

???????????????????????????????His point? No matter what uncertainties we feel, we can be certain of God. “He packs our life with surprises,” Chambers said. And this is where Emerald comes in. He referred to Matthew 18:3 (“Except you… become as little children”) when he wrote, “Spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God but uncertain of what he is going to do next.” Emerald isn’t uncertain of Birgitta and her capable leadership, protection, and love. She just has no idea what it will look like on any given day.

We adults, however, often find that kind of certainty-in-God difficult to cultivate. It’s much easier to “sigh with sadness” when we can’t at least partially predict the future. This is the frustration Mary was experiencing when she couldn’t decide for or against chemotherapy. And it’s similar now as she approaches treatment. Will the side- effects be debilitating? Will I be able to participate in regular life? Will I lose my hair? Will the chemo kill the cancer? Will it add years to my life?

It seems incongruous to label cancer or chemotherapy “a life-surprise” since a surprise is usually good. But that’s how God wants us to see them.

???????????????????????????????If we’ve entrusted our lives to his care the way Emerald entrusts herself to Birgitta, we don’t need to know the specifics of what’s ahead.

As Chambers wrote, “When we are rightly related to God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy.”

Joyful uncertainty. Sounds like an oxymoron, but the Lord wants us to joyfully believe the certain things about him, and just let the rest go.

“The plans I have for you,” says the Lord “are plans for good and not for disaster.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. Praise for a weight gain of 5 pounds!
  2. Pray for the decision about chemo location, which will probably be made on Wednesday
  3. Praise for good sleep at night

Just say it.

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Sleepytime IsaacToday Linnea, baby Isaac, and I drove the 90 minutes from SW Michigan to Chicago’s Midway Airport. Sadly, it was time to see them off after a visit that went by way too fast and was far too short. But 3 excited children were waiting in Florida after 5 days that seemed far too long without their mommy and little brother, not to mention one eagerly waiting husband.

Helping Linnea into the airport with her baby, luggage, carry-on, and stroller, I was glad we could enjoy a few extra minutes together in line for a boarding pass. Suddenly a woman walked up to me from the side, touched my arm and said, “That color blue looks really good on you!”

The color blue.I looked at her, a traveler pulling her carry-on bag, wanting to do nothing more than uplift me. She smiled when I thanked her, and as she and her bag rolled away, she nodded as if to say, “Really… I mean it.”

Looking at Linnea with raised eyebrows I said, “Wow. That was really nice!”

I’m ashamed to say I probably wouldn’t have done the same for a stranger in similar circumstances, not wanting “to intrude” or make a person “feel uncomfortable.” But the woman’s compliment felt good, certainly not intrusive or uncomfortable.

I’ve often chided myself for thinking positive thoughts about someone but failing to get them out of my mouth. Pastor George Sweeting used to say, “Never suppress a generous impulse,” but passing up an opportunity to speak approving words is exactly that.

When Nate was struggling with his cancer, it slowly dawned on us he wasn’t going to live through it. As soon as we figured that out, we could effortlessly voice words of admiration and love, messages that probably wouldn’t have come out so readily or powerfully, had we both been healthy.

Modeling.Now I see the same thing happening with Mary and those of us who are “satellite-ing” around her in her cancer fight. This can be counted as something positive emerging from all the negatives.

It’s also a strong nudge to get us delivering words of praise to others, whether healthy or sick, whenever we think them. Our words carry great power and can accomplish some really good things, not just in others but in us, too. Maybe that’s one of the reasons God instructs us to adore and praise him with words.

It’s been 12 hours since the airport lady spoke to me, but I’m still thinking about it. And if given a choice, the next time I go shopping for clothes, I’ll be scanning the racks for blue.

“Encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

Praising and Praying with Mary:

  1. Pray for tomorrow’s meeting with the 3rd hospital about chemo, and for sensitivity to the Spirit’s leading in the decision
  2. Praise for praying people who are still at it!
  3. Praise for 2 months worth of cards, notes, and packages arriving daily (“The milk of human kindness is flowing!”)