Category Archives: Dying

Where are you?

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Although traveling has its perks, arriving home is best of all. But there’s one thing that trumps even that: greeting those we love when they’re coming home to us.

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Recently I’ve had the joy of making several trips to the airport to collect Birgitta, Emerald, Nelson, Linnea, and baby Nelson (5 months) as they arrived from a variety of places on different days.

Airport connection.Each time while waiting, I scanned the mob of unfamiliar faces, squinting to find those special ones I knew and loved.

And each time, suddenly there they were, emerging from the crowd – my people.

I wonder if that’s how it’ll be when we travel from earth to heaven. None of us knows exactly what that will be like, but leaving familiarity and entering this new realm surely must include at least one nano-second of searching for the face of Jesus.

Scripture tells us that as soon as our souls leave our bodies, those of us who believe in him will be with him. But how will we know which one is him?

Long ago when I was 8 or 9 years old, I remember asking Mom that very question. It was bedtime, and she was kneeling next to me after having prayed. “What does Jesus look like?” I said, having tried to envision him as we talked to him.

“Well,” she said, “he was Jewish, and the Bible says he didn’t have any special look that made him stand out from the crowd. My guess is he had dark hair, brown eyes, and a beard as most men did then. And that’s about all I know.”

Later she read a verse to me from Isaiah: “He… had no form or majesty that we should look at him, and no beauty that we should desire him.” (53:2)

As a child I found that fascinating, because others in the Bible had been given good looks. For instance, King Saul was “as handsome a young man as could be found anywhere in Israel.” (1 Samuel 9:2) But Jesus, who could have created his own body and face to be exceptional in every way, chose instead to make himself plain – nothing special to look at in either form or beauty. So, I wondered, how would I recognize him among the heavenly crowd?

Today I’m still wondering. The marks of crucifixion won’t identify him, because many others died that way and will have similar scars.

Airport connectionSo I thought of all my recent trips to the airport. Maybe recognizing Jesus will be much like recognizing my loved ones in a crowd. I know them well enough to identify them anywhere. Maybe as I continue to know Jesus better, I’ll recognize him easily when the time comes.

But even if that doesn’t happen, 1 John 3:2 says, “We know that when Christ appears… we shall see him as he is.” So, just as when I spot my people at the airport, seeing them as they are, I might recognize Jesus the same way.

And if all else fails, I’m confident he knows what I look like, so maybe if he notices my confusion, he’ll simply call out my name and wave me over.

“I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.” (1 Corinthians 13:12)

When All the Choices Are Bad

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Everyday life forces decisions on all of us, some of them lightweight, others very heavy. But what’s the best way to make a decision when every choice is bad?

Tired JackieOur canine friend Jack is nearing the end of his life, handing us a heavy question. What’s the most loving way to deal with him, now that he’s old and infirm? In other words, when is pet-euthanasia kind, and when is it not?

Though technically Jack belongs to Louisa and Birgitta, they grew up and left home, which is when he became “mine.” God’s timing was perfect in that, since it happened simultaneously with Nate’s going to heaven. But for Jack, that was half-a-lifetime ago, and much has changed for both of us since then.

As my pain has calmed, his has climbed, which is why the girls and I are sensing we’re coming up against this rough decision. And we’re having lots of trouble making it.

Is there ever a right time to schedule that last appointment with a vet? Or should we wait? But then, wait for what? for one more thing to go wrong? for Jack to stop eating? or go into hiding? or fall down the stairs (again) and do damage this time?

In one week Birgitta, Emerald, and I will be leaving home for an extended period of time, me for about a month, she much longer. [Next blog] Though we’ve worked diligently to find daily care for Jack, we’ve been unsuccessful. But even if we had succeeded, we know being alone at all is very difficult for him right now. He claws at doors and howls to get close to us, new signs of his decline.

Besides, what if he had a crisis with no one nearby to help him? Would it be fair to abandon him while he’s so needy? And even if we could find good care, would we wrongly be transferring our difficult decision to someone else?

Though I’m filled with joy as I share this week with our daughter and her family in Florida, my pal Jack back home (with Birgitta caring for him) is constantly on my mind.

IMG_0801Yesterday I called Jack’s vet to talk about end-of-life issues for him. If we decided on euthanasia, exactly how would it go for him? For us? Though she patiently answered my questions, she couldn’t help me with the timing problem. The pressure of our upcoming trip makes us think no decision should be made right now. But simultaneously that same trip is forcing one.

Yesterday someone suggested God might have lined up these exact circumstances for just that reason – knowing we’d be unable to make this decision for Jack any other way.

As the Creator (of Jack and us) often does, He sent wise counsel through others who have had to make this same “bad” decision. And each of their stories has helped lighten our heavy thoughts. Most have ended their comments with the same advice: “Don’t wait too long.”

Before I hung up with the vet, I made an appointment – Jack’s last. In my heart I know it’s the best of our bad choices, but it still felt pretty bad. The only thing that made it tolerable was knowing we do have an option to cancel….

The righteous care for the needs of their animals. Proverbs 2:10

 

A Widow’s Need

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All this week my thoughts have taken up residence down the street with my newly-widowed neighbor, Betty. She has begun her adjustment to life as a no-longer-married woman and realizes it’ll be a change unequalled by any other in her life.

Thankfully she knows many women who’ve already walked this route, myself included, and we are ready, willing, and able to hold her as close as needed.

As I’ve prayed for Betty, my mind has been flooded with examples from my early days of widowhood when God let me see him afresh. Though I ‘d loved him dearly before Nate died, I came to love him more personally afterwards.

The closetIn particular I remember a morning standing in front of my closet, trying to decide what to wear. Looking back and forth across the hanging clothes, I felt powerless to choose. I’d been bombarded with decisions for a couple of weeks, some small, some large, and hadn’t done very well in making any of them.

Friends and family had moved in to assist, but choosing an outfit that morning was all up to me. I felt sad and very much alone standing in front of my closet and asked myself if I should just go back to bed. I could keep my ‘jammies on and escape the clothing decision altogether.

Starting to weep, I knew the only thing to do was pray, and the only prayer that came to mind was, “Help me, God.” I’d prayed that prayer a thousand times in my few weeks as a widow, but never over choosing clothes.

Such a request seemed beneath God, but I had no other option. “Lord, what should I wear?” And then I just stood there, not expecting him to answer me.

Suddenly my eyes fell on a shirt I hadn’t “seen” in a while, and as I stared at it without moving, God put a thought into my head. “How about that one? It would go good with those pants over there, and why don’t you add that sweatshirt from the shelf above?”

Most people would laugh at this, since praying that way seems like a dumbing-down of our almighty God. But after a wife has leaned on a husband for decades, her first dilemma is wondering how she’ll stay standing without him. That’s the moment when God offers to be her supportive other-half.  He is practical, knowing each need and delivering flawless advice to any widow who wants it.

That’s why, when I dressed in the clothes God chose for me that day, I knew no crisis would be too small for his involvement. And because he was willing to choose my clothes back then, I know he’ll answer Betty’s needs in the weeks and months ahead, no matter how large…. or small.

“The widow who is really in need….  continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help.” (1 Timothy 5:5)