Category Archives: Dying

God’s Balancing Act

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In communicating with my children today about their father on this 5th anniversary of his death, several of them asked if I was sad or happy in my rememberng. The accurate answer is “yes”. Sad in wishing Nate was still here, but happy because of a very special photo that came my way via text message.

British Baby 5Hans and Katy, busy with their young family across the ocean, sent a good report about their unborn baby by way of a picture taken today during their first ultrasound. When I opened the photo, I gasped a bit of delight over the high quality and good angle of this image, the perfect profile of a new family face.

Hans and Katy’s 5th child, my 10th grandchild, is expected in May of 2015, and seeing that little person so clearly today was a joy that balanced out the lingering sadness about Nate. Rather than having a roller-coaster day of ups and downs, it was a day planted between the extremes. And isn’t that the way God usually does things?

When we receive bad news, it’s often followed by something good. The opposite is true, too, good coming first, and bad after that. Our heavenly Father works at balancing our days, and if we watch for it, we’ll see it. But that part, the watching part, can be a problem. Making note of the bad things is easy. We don’t miss a one. Noticing the good ones doesn’t come as readily. Why is that?

Maybe it’s because in our deepest hearts we think we ought to experience one good thing after another, and when something bad happens, we feel we have every right to object. “Why did God let that happen? How could he be so harsh with me? What did I do to deserve this?”

At the root of our reasoning, though, is a pride that says, “If I was God, I would have done that differently.” In other words, “I think I know better than God on this issue.”

Never.

Admittedly, it’s difficult to accept the bad stuff with a good attitude. I know I’ll be working on that for the rest of my life. Just this afternoon while running errands, tears came while I was driving, when I recognized a way in which I’d acted pridefully toward the Lord by thinking the opposite of the way I should have. I need much more practice, and thankfully God is willing to give it.

Just right

And so, as this emotional day ends, God has me solidly in the middle of sorrow and joy, bad and good, sad and happy, in a balance that feels just right.

 “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” Proverbs 11:2

Five Quiet Years

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November 3rd is the day Nate left earth for heaven, or, as some say, changed his address. We’ve all missed him for 5 years, and I still wish we had him back.

It’s too bad I can’t mail him a letter telling him so. If I could send something to his new address, I’d be writing every single day, just like any couple in a loving relationship who find themselves separated by distance. I’d tell him what’s going on in his family and describe the many ways each of us misses him. I’d keep him up-to-date on current events and on this blog, telling him of the many readers who have come to know him through its posts.

imagesVYN70TTNBut of course trying to send a letter to heaven is even sillier than trying to reach Santa Claus. Even if I could fling a letter heaven-ward and somehow get it to Nate, I’d still have the frustration of never getting one back from him. In my 5 years without him, it’s talking to him that I miss the most. But our communicating has come to an end, at least until I rejoin him one day.

Nate was a good conversationalist and enjoyed everything from table talk with family to chit-chat with strangers. He was always willing to hash over problems, and no subjects were off limits. If I could count the discussions we would have had if he’d been here these last 5 years, they would number a thousand-plus.

And yet God hasn’t left me or any of us without people to talk to during these years, chief of which is himself. Naturally, talking to the Lord isn’t the same as talking to Nate, but in certain respects, it’s better. God is “open for business” day and night and is an expert listener. And since no time is a bad time to approach him for a talk, those thousand-plus conversations are still available.

When I think of Nate’s advice and how I wish I knew what he would say about this or that today, I can go to the Lord and voice the same longings or problems with the same openness and honesty, knowing he’ll hear my heart’s intention and never misunderstand me. I won’t be criticized, and the counsel he’ll give will be flawless.

???????????????????????????????Someday I anticipate looking into Nate’s face again and having a fresh conversation with him. We might even be able to pick up where we left off. More than likely, though, it won’t be anything like I’m envisioning, but God definitely promises eventual togetherness.

As I move into the 6th year of being separated from Nate, I’m hoping God will teach me to communicate with him better and better. And I hope one day he’ll completely fill the void left behind when Nate changed his address from earth to heaven.

Jesus said, “You can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it.” (Matthew 21:22)

Taking the Lead

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Last week I enjoyed writing about my mom, thankful for the upright heritage she left behind. Judging by worldly standards, Mom died an old lady of 92 who never worked outside her home or accomplished anything of note. Strangers might have said, “Hers was a wasted life.”

 Fun-loving MomBut those of us who knew her, know otherwise. Before Mom died, we used to joke she’d have a big funeral, and we were right. The crowds came in droves, filling the large room where her body lay, spilling out into the halls and out the front door. The funeral director came running just before the service began with alarm on his face. “Why didn’t you tell me!” he said.

What he meant was, “Why didn’t you tell me this woman was popular? We don’t usually see this for old ladies like her!”

As we greeted guests, Mary and I noticed how most were from the generations behind Mom, people our age and younger. These were the “children” she’d loved and influenced throughout her life, loving all of them as her own. Rather than wasting her life, she’d used it for lofty purposes, leaving footprints that led them all to Jesus.

Here’s an important question for each of us still marching along on this side of our funerals: “Where will my footprints lead?”

FootprintsSteve Green’s song “Find Us Faithful” says,

“As those who’ve gone before us,
Let us leave to those behind us
 The heritage of faithfulness passed on through godly lives.”

God gives us a simple but effective way to leave footprints others will find it worthwhile to follow: just track the steps of Jesus.

IMom and Linnin Mom’s last year of life, she continually had her nose in a Bible. One day I asked if she’d looked at the biography of Julia Child I’d just given her, or her new book about hymn authors. She said, “Honey, I don’t have any time for those. I’m studying for my finals.”

Despite not owning a trophy case or being written up in periodicals, Mom finished well.

“After all our hopes and dreams have come and gone
And our children sift through all we’ve left behind,
 May the clues that they discover and the memories they uncover
 Become the light that leads them to the road we each must find.” (Steve Green)

“God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in his steps.” (1 Peter 2:21)