Category Archives: Dying

A Dying Man?

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One of the best things about the Mayo Clinic is the constant communication  between doctors, nurses, and other medical personnel. They also communicate faithfully with us. Every patient can set up a portal on their phone that allows them to ask questions, arrange or rearrange appointments, and view test results literally minutes after the tests conclude.

Today’s appointment at the Clinic was the result of a question Ann Sophie had texted to the head oncology doctor. We’ve been concerned about the swelling in Nelson’s left arm/hand, and in both feet/ankles, and thought it was important that a doctor see him and make a judgment.

This afternoon we met with Dr. Oliver and his PA. Because of the frequent back-and-forth between them, both were well aware of the reason for our visit. They were current on everything that had happened to Nelson while he was in the hospital recently and in the days since then.

The three of us asked countless questions, and the bottom line of Nelson’s swollen limbs is that the cancer is causing fluid to build up not just in his lungs but throughout his body. When I asked if it would help to surgically remove the small mass in his neck, the doctor said, “We can’t do that because it’s not just that mass that’s causing trouble. The cancer is all over.”

We knew it had been growing but didn’t know how extensively. Just as we were absorbing that negative news, Dr. Oliver dropped a bomb on us. He said, “When I visited you in the hospital about a week ago, I took one look at you and thought, ‘This young man is dying. He won’t make it to the end of the week’.”

We were speechless. We had had no idea.

Dr. Oliver told us this, we believe, to encourage us, because he also said, “You were a very sick man. And now, a week later, here you are, looking a little better.”

All of us sat still, hearts beating fast, wondering what else he might know that he wasn’t telling us.

Later we talked about whether or not hearing the whole medical truth is good or bad. Would it have been helpful for Dr. Oliver to have come into Nelson’s hospital room telling him he thought he wouldn’t live through the week?

We concluded that it’s best if we don’t know everything the doctors know. They aren’t really in charge anyway.

God is.

As we arrived home this afternoon, we recalled the prayer we’d prayed over Nelson on the day Dr. Olivier judged him to be at the end of his life. Here’s part of our prayer over him that night, personalized just as we prayed it then:

“Let the morning bring Nelson word of your unfailing love, Lord, for he has put his trust in you. Show him the way he should go, because he has entrusted his life to you. Rescue him from this cancer, because he hides himself in you. For your name’s sake, O Lord, preserve his life.”

And God did.

(Psalm 143:8-11)

Best and Worst

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It’s been a year of non-blogging for me, since other things have taken precedence. Although much of 2020 offered up negatives, our family can also report a big 2020-positive. My 15th grandchild, Elias, was born.

This little guy arrived before his due date—well before. At 7 weeks premature, he was expected to need lots of assistance from the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, but he surprised us all. Though he weighed only 4 pounds 3 ounces, he was in great condition and hung around the hospital for just 18 days.

The nurses were impressed with his fast progress, marveling that he never even needed oxygen. Now, three months later, his development is right on schedule, evidenced by his crinkly-eye smiles and lots of direct eye contact.

His diligent parents, Louisa and Teddy, are delighting in this wondrous 2020-positive.

 

 

 

No year, however, is without its negatives, and 2020 delivered a big one to our family. My brother Tom and his wife Leslie were both killed in their own home by an intruder, a shock from which all of us are still trying to recover. The mystery remains unsolved, and our hearts are broken.

On Friday, a new calendar year begins—day #1, week #1, month #1. None of us knows what will happen on the 364 days that will follow, though we’ll probably try to guess. But as my mother used to say, “God only knows, and he won’t tell.”

So how can we move into the new year with confidence when so much is uncertain? There’s only one way—to believe that our omniscient God will tell us everything we need to know, when we need to know it. And all of it, what we’re surmising and what actually occurs, will be coupled with his promise that he’s got the whole world in his hands. That means we as his children have nothing to fear.

As hard as it is for us not to know what’s ahead, we should remember that in every year, there will be negatives but also positives. Our best bet, then, is to simply trust God, leaning on his power and wisdom instead of our own.

“Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.” (Hebrews 10:35-36)

Sneak Peek #23

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Excerpt from THRIVE AND SURVIVE, ZERO TO FIVE

Twenty-one years of mothering amounts to 8,760 hours. We’re in a marathon, not a sprint, parenting one hour at a time. Once we stop straining to figure out when our running will end, we can calm down enough to enjoy (or deal with) the moment. We can manage the race like a distance runner, not bolting at top speed unnecessarily but setting a comfortable pace for the long haul. Steady perseverance will get both mom and child where they want to go.

The Bible speaks about this in Isaiah 28:10 kjv: “For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little.” We don’t think there’s any other place in the Bible where an instruction is double repeated like that. As a matter of fact, this advice is so important that the Lord repeats it three verses later in exactly the same way, amounting to a quadruple impact.

Isn’t this a great description of mothering? A precept is only one statement; a line smaller yet; a little bit here, a little more there. That’s what mothers are called to do, and by the time children reach adulthood, much has been written on their hearts and accomplished in their lives.

Know this from the beginning, however: even though children grow up, mothering doesn’t end. When your newborn is placed in your arms, her whole world is you. As the old proverb says, “To the world you might be one person, but to one person, you are the world.”

As you move through the days and gradually the years with that child, the relationship will change. While her life broadens, you’ll become a smaller part of her world and be only one of many influencers. Even in the distant future, though, when one day you’re on your deathbed, you’ll continue to be her mother, hopefully still taking advantage of the chance to put precept upon precept, line upon line.

 

SIDEBAR:

TEACHING TACTICS OF THE MASTER

  • Love your pupils.
  • Accept them as they are.
  • Look them in the eye.
  • Keep lessons short.
  • Be gentle.
  • Tell stories.
  • Use visual aids.
  • Pray for your students.