Category Archives: Dying

One Year Without Mary

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September 24, 2017

One year ago today, Mary left us, although that isn’t the accurate way to say it. She didn’t willfully leave us but allowed her departure to be orchestrated by God.

Trusting God.Scripture says Jesus has the key to death (Revelation 1:18) and that whatever he opens, no one can close. (Revelation 3:7) A year ago he opened death’s door for Mary, and her spirit walked willingly through it, right into eternal pleasure. It was God’s perfect plan for her.

That’s the encouraging thing about a loved one’s passing. If we, like Mary, have loved and followed Jesus in our earthly lives, death’s door is simply a passageway to a glorious new life we can’t possible picture now.

Knowing that, however, doesn’t ease the sorrow in the rest of us. Throughout this day, our minds have been filled with Mary – sweet remembrances and the thousand-and-one-ways we each miss her.

Bervin initiated a time of sharing tonight, to take place at the beach Mary loved so much. A bunch of us gathered to talk and let our eyes freely fill with tears, if need be. From a wide circle of beach chairs, we shared bits and pieces of who Mary was to each of us by way of things we hold dear about her now – memories from silly to serious.

Bervin prays

Bervin coaxed Scripture from us by asking if anyone could recall Bible passages that Mom/Grandma had taught them. As 7 young children played in the middle of our circle, the verses came forth. And in reciting those, we remembered how much Mary loved the Word of God.

It’s mindboggling to realize she is now loving THE Word, face-to-face. (John 1:1) And as one of her children said tonight, “She’s also got all the answers to all the questions the rest of us are still asking.”

SunsetLater, as we warmed hot dogs over our fire on a perfect weather-evening, the sun set over Lake Michigan. And we concluded that none of us knows who will next join Mary or when that might be.

But if she had walked up to our circle on the beach tonight with a bit of advice from her life “on the other side,” she probably would have said something like this: “Trust God with your life… and death. Study your Bibles. And be sure you say these words to others often: I love you.

“Because after all, you never know…”

On the beach“The way of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, which shines ever brighter until the full light of day.” (Proverbs 4:18)

Seven Years Ago

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November 3rd will always be an important day for our family. It’s the day we encircled Nate’s bed and released him from this world to head into the next – a most painful experience.

Today, 7 years later, our grown children and I can talk about Nate without that pain. Instead we’ve shared memories and expressions of gratitude today. We’ve enjoyed a spirit of celebration connected to the man who played such major roles in our lives. And we’ve acknowledged that he was given to us just for that time. On God’s calendar, everything worked out perfectly, which included Nate’s November 3rd departure.

img_0636-1Recently, as I cleaned a small store room in our basement, I came across an old, stained cardboard box. I’ve kept careful track of this box for nearly 50 years, because I’ve known what was inside: letters written between Nate and I from the time we first met till we were married. It was the chronicle of our love story – detailing how it grew from friendship into love, then from dating into marriage.

And so, these many decades later, it seemed like a good time to open the box and re-read the narrative.

I cleared the dining room table and cut the old tape, allowing the letters to slip out – a treasure trove of communication sent between Nate and I from 1966 through 1969.

Since we lived many miles apart when we first met and later while we were dating, the only option back then was to wait in line for time on a shared telephone or to write letters. Besides, phone use was expensive, but mail needed only a 3-cent stamp. As a result, our love story is all in writing.

Since the letters weren’t in any special order, the first thing to do was organize them by date. Luckily, Nate was a guy who dated virtually everything. And when I was finished sorting, I counted them all – 438!

438-letters

What a delight it was to take several days to read through them, remembering things I hadn’t thought about in decades. Nate knew he wanted to marry me shortly after we met. But I was just getting involved with someone else, not ready for any serious commitment.

img_3938So, going through these old letters reminded me of three of Nate’s finest character qualities: endurance, perseverance, and faithfulness. Though he knew what he wanted (me), he patiently endured my year-long uncertainty about him. Even when I wrote about the virtues of the other guy, Nate persevered with kindness, giving me the freedom and time to make my own decision. He never tried to “talk me into” liking him best, but simply waited…. and waited…. faithfully sending a letter every single day.

(Tomorrow: excerpts from a love story)

Love “….always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:7)

Far-Reaching Influence

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My sister Mary’s life and death have caused quite a cyber-stir. Literally hundreds have responded to blog posts about her, and not just those who knew her. Equally as many strangers have reacted to her story.

Yesterday I received an insightful comment in response to the post about Mary being a hard worker. (Hard Workin’ Woman) My friend Terry (who didn’t know Mary) wrote, “Mary’s influence continues. Because of this post, there are a few things I am going to do, because I should do them.”

Then she added, “I am mindful of a verse as I think of this, ‘She did what she could’.”

At first reading, that simple statement might describe someone who couldn’t do much but at least did a little – maybe trying hard but falling short. I knew that wasn’t what Terry meant, so I decided to look up the Scripture to see who “she” was and what she “could do.”

What I found astounded me, and Terry’s linking of that sentence with my sister was a connection of highest praise.

It’s a familiar story found in Mark 14. Jesus had been wearing himself out, walking long distances, ministering to the poor, healing the sick, and teaching his disciples. In a few short days he would be hanging on a cross, and he was well aware of it.

On this particular day, as Jesus and his followers continued walking toward Jerusalem, one of the people he had healed decided to host a dinner in his honor. Three of Jesus’ close friends had been invited, too: Lazarus, Martha, and Mary.

alabaster-jarAs Martha helped out in the kitchen, Mary approached Jesus, who was already seated at the dinner table. Then she surprised everyone by purposely breaking a valuable alabaster jar and revealing its contents — worth about $22,000.

She proceeded to pour the expensive nard, a powerfully- fragrant ointment, on Jesus’ hair and feet, wiping his feet with her own hair.

alabaster-jarScripture says the fragrance filled the entire house, no doubt capturing the attention of every guest and even Martha in the kitchen. Some found it odd. Others were speechless. Several objected to the financial waste, voicing criticism.

But Jesus highly approved and defended Mary. “Leave her alone,” he said. “Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. She did what she could.”

That’s when I realized that my friend Terry’s comment had been one of utmost admiration for our Mary, who had gone through life doing what she could for her Lord and others.

But Jesus wasn’t finished.

He venerated the biblical Mary by saying, “Wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her.” Although she hadn’t intended to draw attention to herself, Jesus turned the spotlight on her, announcing to the dinner guests (and us) that what Mary had done was so important, it would never be forgotten.

Many of us will never forget some of the things our Mary did in her lifetime, either. That’s because she always did what she could.

Jesus said, “She poured perfume on my body…” (Mark 14:8)