Category Archives: Faith

Happy Birthday to Nelson

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Today is Nelson’s birthday. Well, it was.

Being in Paradise as he is, he’s been given the supernatural gift of agelessness. No matter how old the rest of us get, Nelson will never age past 49. But each year when his birthday came around, planning a party was always last choice on his list. He believed what his grandpa had told him long ago, that birthdays shouldn’t be a big deal, because everyone had one every year.

But as the years passed, Nelson touched lightly on growing older in his journal entries. He also used these diaries to puzzle through problems by way of written words. Each page, then, was a mix of thinking and praying “out loud.”  

 

These journals now belong to Ann Sophie, and though she wouldn’t have looked into them while Nelson was still with us, now she’s free to read . As she and Astrid, little Will and I have commemorated Nelson’s birthday here in Minnesota today, we’ve enjoyed reading aloud from his writings, sometimes laughing through our tears, and sometimes finding surprises. Here’s an entry from the day before his birthday, written one year ago, shortly before cancer invaded his world:

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Thursday 1/25/2022 7:08 PM

I turn 49 tomorrow. We’re having a baby boy in March, which is about to be next month. New things are happening, and yesterday a possible door opened for a career change I sort of looked for, but didn’t do more than talk about.

Tim, our electrical on campus has been working for us a lot. I’ve seen him, talked to him, and fantasized about getting a trade I could use anywhere to work and supply for my family, and have fun doing it.

I’ve been in “ministry” for a long time and You have supplied for me there without question, Lord. We have always more freedom and more than enough money. We have connections in YWAM all over the place, and it’s our home for now.

The apartment we have is great and the campus seems happy to have us. However, I have been praying and fasting about how to handle having a baby and if anything should change. 

Yesterday, I saw Tim walking by building D and asked him for a job, essentially, and he said he’s short guys and would work out a deal with me for between $18-25 hr. It would take me 3 years to get my journeyman’s license to go out on my own, if I wanted to. Really, that’s my goal.

I have thought about what it would be like to pastor the church and work a normal job, sort of a bi-vocational existence. You don’t know until you try. Annso says she has to be forced into her blessings, or something like that, and she trusts me to make the right choice. 

But it doesn’t seem possible to staff the Kokua Crew and work 7-3, M-F for another outfit.

I pray, Lord, that you would make it clear what I should do with this opportunity. Should I take it? Would that mean leaving YWAM altogether? Could Annso stay on staff technically and I be off? Could that work having a new baby? Didn’t we want her to be totally off staff? Would that mean we are done with BBC [Brentwood Baptist Church]?

I pray, Lord, you would expose any ulterior motive, but be merciful. We are all motivated selfishly and out of pride when it comes down to it. I have been given these premonitions before and you have led me when I didn’t know where I was going and it didn’t make sense.

Friday, 1/26/2022, Nelson’s birthday

Today is my 49th birthday. I lost track a little in there and thought maybe I was turning fifty. I am becoming a father at 49. How about that. Might even do a career change this year too. How crazy would that be?

Annso and I prayed about the offer with Tim to work and start becoming an electrician, and seemed to get a yes. She is reluctant because it’s a change, and I have to make it attractive to her, too. For me it helps us in lots of ways and gives us a break from YWAM, which we both need. Allows us to continue to pastor the Little Red Church, which I have always wanted to do. 

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Nelson recorded these notes/prayers one year ago today. He had no idea it would be his last birthday. But for him, the clocking of time has ended, and eternity has begun. Actually, eternity has begun for the rest of us, too. But with our feet still firmly planted in this world, we can’t yet see it as clearly as he does.

“This is eternal life, that they know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.” (John 17:3)

The God-Factor

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Ann Sophie, Will, and Astrid came back from Germany last night and I’m so glad they’re here again. They attended a memorial service for Annso’s grandmother who passed away last week among other things. I’m reminded that I also almost passed away earlier this year.

But at 49 years old, I thought I had lots more time. It turns out I might have been right at the end without even knowing it. 

Was I ready if the end did come? I’d like to think so. 

For now, I’m taking chemo meds every morning and every night doing whatever I can to stick around as long as I possibly can and the results are looking good. I have more to live for than ever before! 

On a different note, I got a follow-up call yesterday from a guy at the US Social Security office who wanted to work on finishing up my application for a disability benefit.

When he asked about my disability and heard me say “stage 4 lung Cancer”, he told me I would definitely qualify and that the payout would be labelled a ‘compassion benefit’. It would also carry on for Annso and Will in my absence. He didn’t come right out and say it, but thankfully, the benefit would continue even if I did not. 

What a wonderful thing, and for it, I’m very thankful, but it’s also sobering in another sense when statistically the world sees you as a man who will not be alive 5 years from now. Think about it. How would you feel if you knew that you would be gone within the next 5 years?

Then later the same day, Mom and I went to a check-up at the Mayo Clinic. My Mom is the queen of questions and she kept on firing away at the doc. One thing she asked was, “If the chemo meds have worked this good so far, can we expect them to keep working this way until the cancer is eventually totally gone?” 

We got more sobering news.

The doc said in her experience, there will be a plaining off then sometimes a turn before the cancer starts to grow again. But, at that point, we will come up with another plan.

“Wait a second, what?”

The effect this info had on me were strong reminders that I’m not out of the woods at all, that this kind of cancer is resilient and resistant to even the best treatment… and that most of the time, the medical community encounters some road blocks to a smooth, speedy recovery… even with a genetic match and some of the most advanced chemo treatment available.

Apparently, the ‘Match’ they found for me is not guaranteed to be the Silver Bullet I was hoping it would be. hmmm. 

Once Mom and I were in the elevator talking about the meeting, I shared how I felt. “Twice today, I was basically told by professionals that I won’t be around long.”

Without skipping a beat, Mom said quickly, “But they’re leaving out the God-Factor!” 

Yes! The God-factor! Of course, how could I forget that?

With only science and medicine, we can go part of the way, but it’s faith in the Creator of all life that finally brings the ship ashore. Common sense and reason only take me part of the way.

It’s faith that brings me home!