Category Archives: Forgiveness

Sneak Peek #25

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Excerpt from THRIVE AND SURVIVE, ZERO TO FIVE

How well I recall the morning I got an “F” in mothering. Still in my pajamas, I had gathered my Bible, notebook, pen, and mug of coffee. Tiptoeing past the stairs toward the living room, eager to eat a spiritual breakfast, I glanced up to see our toddler sitting on the top step . . . already! When he saw me come around the corner, his face lit up, and he greeted me in his usual cheery fashion. “Mama!”

In a split second my face fell, going from neutral to angry, exactly as our eyes met. Thinking only of myself, I let out a low moan. This child had robbed me of something valuable. My treasure had been blown out of the room by the cold wind of an interruption I was having trouble accepting. And there the two of us froze, a chasm of disconnect between us.

“Why are you out of bed so early?” I said with irritation, knowing this was a question no toddler could answer. Still caught up with my own agenda, it took a minute for my displeasure to calm. I turned toward the kitchen to put away my Bible, notebook, and pen, while my little guy bounced down the steps on his bottom, eager to put his arms around me.

Thankfully God convicted me quickly, and we made up in a hurry. I tried to backpedal my poor performance, but I felt bad then and still do today, more than forty years later. But motherhood doesn’t come with do-overs. I squandered the chance to plant a good seed and planted a weed instead.

SIDEBAR: WEED WISDOM

  • Weeds are a fact of life.
  • Pull weeds while they’re still small.
  • Weeds are stronger than tender plants.
  • Don’t mistake weeds for good plants.
  • Unpulled weeds will destroy a garden.

Newlywed Love (#99)

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September 12-13, 1970

 

DQAlthough Nate was a diligent student who put his work ahead of almost everything else, I never had trouble coaxing him to take a break with me – whether it was to go for a walk, splurge on a Dairy Queen cone, or head into the bedroom.

I felt secure in knowing that though his studies were important to him, he made me an even higher priority. What girl could want more than that?

After a grueling week, especially for him, we were eager for the weekend when Chicago friends Kathy and Bob would arrive for 24 hours. The 4 of us had met in undergrad days — Kathy and I at Wheaton, Bob and Nate at Northwestern.

These two had actually introduced Nate and I on that fateful blind date when I’d worn only underwear beneath my Jackie Kennedy coat. We would be forever indebted to them.

Bob and NateBob and Nate had much in common. Both were in law school, and both loved discussing current events. Both were facing uncertainty with the Army gobbling up young men as it was, and both were working hard to please their new wives.

When Kathy and Bob arrived, we enjoyed catching up on all our friends from college days, and the weekend was a big success. We visited a flea market where Nate splurged on two spoon rings for us. Bob picked up the tab at the Chinese restaurant, and we howled over silly pictures from our early days together.

 

Saying goodbyeAfter Sunday morning breakfast, once again we found ourselves in the street in front of our building waving goodbye, wondering when we’d next see these two special people.

Though Nate and I were late for the church service, we were on time for our Sunday school class of young marrieds, which met afterwards. Ralph, the head pastor everyone loved, was our teacher, and he was always ready with stirring questions that prompted lively discussion each week.

I admired the way he settled debates with Scripture. On this particular Sunday, though, we were surprised by what happened. One of the young husbands, Martin, was frustrated by the way the dialogue was going and began criticizing Ralph with harsh words.

First Baptist Church of Urbana, ILThe rest of us sat speechless as he raised his voice and overstepped his bounds, saying things we knew he would regret. Ralph, trying to be gracious, was being steamrolled, and none of us knew what to do.

Then Nate jumped in.

He addressed Martin directly, and without using any unkind words, he pointed out the flaws in his arguments. Then he took Martin to task over the way he was disrespecting our pastor, silencing him in the process. As Nate spoke, I glanced at the others in the room. Some were nodding. Others were grinning. And I was bursting with pride.

Though Ralph reached out to Martin after class, Martin seemed unable to reach back, but I imagine our soft-spoken pastor thought about that difficult morning all afternoon.

I've got it goodDuring our evening stroll, Nate asked for my opinion about the class, hoping he hadn’t said too much. I assured him his words were very much needed, and after praising his tactful but effective Martin-muzzling, my only other thought was, “I feel sorry for his wife…”

….which, of course, was because I had it so good.

“As we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.” (Galatians 6:10)

Newlywed Love (#60)

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May 9, 1970

About this time, Nate and I bumped into an unexpected disagreement. My cooking was improving as I learned from my many failures, but our dinner hour presented a new problem.

Nate looked forward to our evening meal with enthusiasm every single day. He came to the table hungry and was always generous with compliments and kisses for the cook. Though I loved spending time with him, my perspective on dinner was a world away from his.

Dinner for two.

I didn’t like cooking, and my M.O. was to get the process over with as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, over the months of being married, that same mindset had spread to wanting the whole meal finished fast, too.

This was in direct conflict with Nate’s desire that we eat slowly and linger at the table. I wolfed down my food without considering his point of view and then jumped up to head for the kitchen sink. While still turning to chat with him as he ate, I attacked the pans and cooking mess, wanting to check that off quickly, too.

One evening as we sat down to chicken and rice he said, “Can I talk to you about something?” The way he said it worried me. What could possibly be wrong?

“Sure,” I said. “We can talk about anything you want.”

“Well…” he said, hesitating, “you know how you always finish eating before I do?”

“Yes… because you’re hungrier than me, and you eat more, which is how it should be.”

“Right,” he said, measuring his words. “But then, when you’re done, you leave the table.”

“You mean to start washing dishes?”

“Yes.”

“Does that bother you?” I said.

“Sort of.”

“Why?”

Eating alone“Well… because each day when we’re apart, I miss you a lot. And when we finally sit down across from each other, I want to talk to you and hope you’ll talk to me. But you get up before we’ve barely gotten started.”

Although his words were spoken with gentleness, they hurt my feelings.

“But I’m just trying to be efficient,” I said, defending myself. “And that way, by the time you’re done eating, the dishes are pretty much done, too.”

After making his point, he wisely backed away, leaving me a minute to think about it. Then he made one last comment that poked through my defensiveness. “How ‘bout if we sit together for a while longer, and then, after dinner is over, we do the dishes together?”

“Really?” I said.

With that I melted. “Gee, I’m really sorry,” I said. ”I didn’t realize.” The tension disappeared, and I learned that even though his plate held more food than mine, if I didn’t gulp mine down, we could finish together.

Dirty dishesFor Nate, conversation was as big a part of having dinner as the eating. And it was much nicer talking face-to-face than to my back as I stood at the sink.

Once I decided to stay at the table longer, we had much deeper conversations – exchanges that continued as we stood side-by-side washing dishes together.

And I’d learned something new and very special about the man I loved.

“Be good…. and be ready to share.” (1 Timothy 6:18)