Category Archives: Forgiveness

Mending Mess-ups

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When I was 15, I pulled one too many pranks at summer camp and got sent home by the frustrated director. Although I was more than happy to get out from under his leadership at the time, I dreaded telling my parents what had happened, knowing they’d be angry with me.

The days that followed were full of tension as my folks laid out disciplinary restrictions, and worst of all, they made me apologize to the camp director for my bad behavior. Because he and his wife were friends of my parents, I had caused some significant embarrassment.

All of us mess up once in a while, or as in my case, more frequently. We misjudge situations, base our opinions on false information, act immaturely, or snap at people, all because we want our own way.

How does God feel when we act like this? Surely he’s disappointed, disgusted, even angry. But I have a hunch he holds out hope that with enough mess-ups, we’ll learn how to do better next time. One thing is sure: he doesn’t love us any less when we behave badly. Scripture uses the words “unfailing love” over 40 times to describe the way God loves us. This kind of love is trustworthy, consistent, and sure. And best of all, our mess-ups can’t possibly erode it.

My former camp director and I eventually bumped into each other many years after he sent me home… 47 years, to be exact. Truth be told, I’d felt badly about my behavior those many years and was grateful for the chance to mend the relationship. But while I was thinking of what to say to him, he beat me to it, asking if I would forgive him for sending me home from camp. And he said it in front of 250 people.

I followed that by asking him if he would forgive me. Before our very public conversation ended, we were both laughing, a sure sign that our messy history had been all cleaned up. Although it took nearly 5 decades to straighten it out, I’m pretty sure God was laughing that day, too, right after he’d breathed a great big sigh of it’s-about-time.

The camp director and I kept communicating for quite a while after our conversation and actually became sincere friends, surely the result of God’s loving work within both of us.

As for my parents, their love for me remained unfailing, too. My poor behavior hadn’t eroded it, and once that summer was over, they never brought up the incident again.

“Let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.” (1 John 4:7)

 

Arrested by God

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Recently I received a long letter laced with powerful criticisms. My immediate response was a racing heart, followed by a passionate desire to defend myself against the charges.

That is, until God tapped on my brain and said, “Isn’t some of that true?”

Feeling like a child who’d been put in her proper place, I had to answer yes. But was I supposed to do nothing after reading a letter like that? As always, God was ready with an answer. “I’ll let you know what to do.”

That same afternoon I picked up the Duggar’s book A Love That Multiplies and opened to where I’d last dog-eared the page several weeks ago. Wouldn’t you know, the next chapter was, “Coping with Criticism.” Some might call it coincidence, but I call it God.

People who watch cable TV all seem to have an opinion about the Duggar family. Since they’re following scriptural guidelines to run their family (19 children) and businesses, they’ve garnered both criticism and praise from the watching public. I admire them for going against the grain of society and loudly proclaiming they believe the Bible contains the answer to every problem.

As I read how they cope with criticism, I realized they were in the big leagues of disapproval, receiving many scathing emails daily (sprinkled among the complimentary ones). In my case, I was dealing with only one letter.

Michelle Duggar (the mom) said, “Criticism always hurts, especially when it’s true,” which was exactly what I was feeling. But then she said, “That’s an opportunity for growth.”

I knew she was right. So, if I would allow God to break down my pride, improvement could be made. If I wouldn’t, it couldn’t.

Jim Bob (the dad) wrote, “When criticisms are true, we can learn from them if we stop ourselves from defending or justifying our actions. If they’re lies, we can learn how to correctly respond according to the Bible.” Then he added that he and Michelle teach their children never to argue with their attackers but (gulp) to pray for them instead.

So God had followed through, letting me know how to respond to both true criticisms and false ones. But there was more. Both Michelle and Jim Bob agreed that criticisms ought to be viewed not only as something to work around but as blessings, quoting Matthew 5:11-12: “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you…. ” (Matthew 5:11)

So God’s instructions were to skip self-defense, work on correcting what’s been rightly criticized, pray for my accuser, and consider myself blessed to have received the letter. Then he wants me to turn my reputation over to him. As Michelle said, “We obey God… and don’t worry about what others think.”

“Pray for those who persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44)

Try Again (…from yesterday)

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The thorny Q&A session between Jesus and his buddy Peter was awkward at best. Jesus initiated:

“Peter, do you agape me?” (Greek word for pure, sacrificial, God-like love)

“Yes, Lord, you know I phileo you.” (Greek word for best-friend love)

Then Jesus asked the same thing again and got the same answer:

“Peter, do you agape me?”

“Yes, Lord, you know I phileo you.”

But the third time, Jesus changed his question a little, using Peter’s word. “Peter, do you phileo me?”

Peter heard the switch and may have sighed and slumped his shoulders before answering. “Lord, you know everything. You know I phileo you.”

*                 *                 *                 *                 *                 *                 *

What was the point of that conversation?

I agree with scholars that Jesus asked Peter 3 questions to symbolize his 3 denials, giving him a chance to confirm love rather than betrayal, but something else was going on, too.

This was Peter’s second chance to say the right thing, and this time he wanted to be impeccably honest. So when Jesus asked if he had a pure agape love for him, Peter’s only correct response had to be, “Yes, I really love you, Lord, but I’m only as good as phileo. Remember, I’m the betrayal guy, which proves how far I have to go to get to agape.” Having to answer Jesus as he did probably stabbed Peter in his emotional heart, but at least he knew he’d told the truth this time.

But Jesus plowed ahead and asked the question again! Ouch. Peter probably thought, “Didn’t he hear me? Or is he unhappy with my answer?” But he stuck with the truth. When Jesus asked a third time, Peter was beside himself… until he realized Jesus was communicating a quiet message of acceptance and understanding. “Ok Peter. So you love me with a brotherly phileo love, is that it?”

The text says Peter was really hurting, but he responded appropriately. “You know everything, so you know that phileo is the best I can do.” Jesus was satisfied with his response, because immediately after that he changed the subject.

Something about this conversation increases my love for Jesus. He did two important things for Peter in their exchange. He gave him a chance to redeem himself from his awful betrayals, and he let Peter know he accepted him just as he was, duplicity and all.

Jesus is still doing those same two things for us today, handing us 2nd chances (and 3rd, 4th, 5th) to redeem our past mistakes, and showing us that no matter what we’ve done, he still accepts us. We may never reach agape here on earth, but I have a hunch once we’ve moved in with Jesus, he’ll show us how.

A third time he asked him, “Simon son of John, do you phileo me?” Peter was hurt that Jesus asked… a third time. He said, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I phileo you.” (John 21:17)