Newlywed Love (#86)

Aug. 11-12, 1970

 

My close friend Lynn and I had had some very long phone conversations in the last few weeks. Her wedding was less than a month away, and there was much to be done. For one thing, she wanted each of her bridesmaids to sew their own gowns. I understood, having done the same with my bridesmaids. But I was woefully deficient in the skills needed to create a perfect finished product.

“Then come to my house,” she said, “and we’ll make it together, start-to-finish. It’ll be fun!”

At Fort BenningBy mid-August she had traveled from Fort Benning, Georgia, where her fiancé Don was in the Army, to her home in Park Ridge, Illinois, for the remaining 3 weeks before their wedding.

It would be a military wedding, a special celebration during this time in our nation when most military news was bad. Don had already been to Vietnam for a year and, as an officer, would undoubtedly be called back. But during these weeks, Lynn’s happy focus was preparing for their wedding.

Army swordKnowing Nate was also in the Army, she asked if he could get his hands on 4 official Army swords. They hoped to use them to make an archway for the bride and groom as they exited the church. He promised to do his best.

 

Brass buttonOur gowns would made from Lynn’s clever design, incorporating the dress-blue color of the Army’s formal uniforms (which the men would be wearing) and the white of their shirts. Lynn even found official brass buttons at the Fort Benning PX, which she planned to line up down the front of our dresses.

 

Although my sewing skills had been improving, I would never be the seamstress Lynn was. So I was truly grateful she volunteered to guide me through the process… even though it meant taking time away from sewing her own bridal gown to do so — a true friend.

Leaving Nate to his paper route and Estate Planning course, I drove our toxic Mustang north to Lynn’s house, leaving the windows open the whole 3 hours. Nate and I reasoned that there might be time, while I was “in the neighborhood,” to connect with Dad again about our car situation. The Fiat we’d fallen in love with in Champaign had sold, and there were no others available.

Night time sewingLynn and I, along with bridesmaid Gerry, kept Lynn’s sewing machine humming for two days straight and much of the night in between – all the while having meaningful chats about marriage, sex, and the delights of living with a boyfriend-turned-husband.

 

 

We cooked and ate together, laughed a lot, and kept hemming and attaching buttons as our sewing teacher finalized her wedding flowers, pictures, and food on the telephone.

Cooking chickenAlthough our time together was joyful, I was a married woman now and dearly missed my husband, literally getting teary-eyed for him. It went against me to spend a night away from him. But I knew if I left Lynn’s house prematurely, I’d have to finish my gown without her sewing expertise at my elbow – and I couldn’t risk that.

Lynn suggested I take time out to call Nate, and talking to him did help. He encouraged me to stay overnight and said he was doing fine. “Maybe you can meet with your dad tomorrow before you come home.” he said. “If you do, ask his advice about the Mustang.”

So I stayed over, and it’s a good thing I did. We finished my gown, and connecting with Dad turned out to be remarkably profitable.

“A joyful heart is good medicine.” (Proverbs 17:22)

Newlywed Love (#84)

Aug. 8-9, 1970

 

With Mary, Bervin, and Tom coming to Champaign for the weekend, Nate and I worked hard to clean the apartment, front to back. We didn’t own a vacuum but  had been given a partially-functional carpet sweeper. It was powered by good old fashioned elbow grease, and I always reserved that chore for Nate.

Carpet sweeperThe carpet sweeper had a revolving bar much like a vacuum, but it wouldn’t pick anything up unless the user pressed down hard while shoving it around the room. It was pure pleasure watching Nate throw himself into that assignment each week, and our dull, grey carpets never looked better.

When our little home was sparkling, we shopped together for fondue ingredients, thoroughly excited about our visitors. But as we unpacked the groceries, our phone rang — and brought bad news. Chicago weather had “turned,” and small planes weren’t allowed to fly. The forecast was better the following day, though, and they planned to come then.

When the weather didn’t improve, Mary and Bervin decided to drive. This shortened their visit to just a few hours, but we were glad they still wanted to come. Sadly, Tom couldn’t join them, since Corvettes have no back seat.

Fondue dinnerThey pulled up to our building just after lunch, and we headed for Allerton Park in an effort to work up an appetite for dinner.

Mary surprised me with dessert — a homemade birthday cake topped with 25 candles – quite the gift!

 

Introducing RussellWe got to meet their new Cocker Spaniel, Russell, and hear positive reports about how our Baron was doing. When I expressed guilt over leaving him with Mom and Dad, Mary insisted we not worry, describing how much Mom loved having a dog again. But a note in Mom’s diary hinted otherwise:

Tom enjoys the Baron – but he is work and concern for me.

By the end of the day, we’d caught up on all the news from home, and best of all had been able to “see” our first nephew/niece by way of Mary’s expanding tummy. To me it was an absolute wonder – a real live baby was about to join our all-adult family. Almost too good to be true!

LeavingAs they pulled away close to 10:00 PM, we calculated they wouldn’t get home till the wee hours – and were grateful they’d stayed so long. But watching their taillights disappear was torture for me. Our foursome was relatively new, and we longed to spend more time together. But distance (and Nate’s 7-day-a-week paper route) kept us apart.

 

Nate and I lingered on our building’s front porch long after they’d left, appreciating the song of crickets and the balmy summer night. But I was missing my sister already. “Where do you think we’ll end up after graduation?” I said. “Maybe in the Chicago area? Like… close to Mary and Bervin?”

Mary with Corvette“No promises,” Nate said. “It’ll all depend on where I can get the best job.”

But as we climbed the stairs my last thought was, “Chicago’s a really big city. Surely there’s one good job there for Nate.”

“Lord… you hold my future.” (Psalm 16:5)

Newlywed Love (#82)

August 3, 1970

 

Always complimentingEvery so often Nate and I stopped to analyze our marriage, hoping to always stay up-to-date with each other’s feelings. Several friends had married and were sorry they’d done so, and we never wanted to get to that place.

 

After these analyzing conversations, I always recorded the results in my journal. That way we could refer back or even re-set if necessary. As we approached our 25th birthdays, we decided the time was right for another moment of scrutiny.

One reason I was looking forward to the conversation was to apologize for something. Nate had always been a champion at complimenting me –whether it was something I did or the way I looked. I loved it, especially since each compliment usually came with a hug and a few kisses.

As for me, I wasn’t good at reciprocating. I felt a deep admiration for Nate and never tired of looking at the man I thought was the most handsome in the world. I often wrote complimentary notes about him in my journal, but often these praises didn’t reach his ears.

We talked at length, and my entry that night summarized our conversation:

About complimenting

I went on about trying to be honest with each other so that not even the slightest uneasiness could develop between us. Nate told me he didn’t feel “un-complimented” and assured me it wasn’t an issue with him. “I feel your love in lots of other ways, not just in compliments,” he said.

He followed that up with a string of fresh compliments for me… saying he loved my openness in marriage and my desire to be a good wife. He thanked me for loving him and, as always, expressed gratitude that I said yes to marrying him.

I knew no matter how I tried, I’d never be able to match Nate’s expertise as a complimenter. So I figured the only thing to do was to keep trying. I started by giving him a compliment on the heels of the ones he’d just given me: “You’re so good at making me feel secure in your love.”

It wasn’t the greatest, since there was a “me” in it, but it was a start. And if worse came to worse, I could always read to him from my journal:

Marriage assessment

“Each one of us must please his neighbor for his good, to build him up.” (Romans 15:2)