Category Archives: Friendship

Newlywed Love (#10)

Posted on by

December 19, 1969

Once Nate and I settled the issue of who would buy the Christmas tree each year, we began enjoying our first holiday season together. Though Christmas Eve and Day would be spent with our parents and other relatives, the remaining days of December were just for us.

First ornamentMy sweet Aunt Joyce, an expert seamstress, had made me a casual evening gown of glittering lavender, “….for the times,” she said, “when it’s just you and Nate.” It was low cut and what she called “fetching,” a look Nate would love.

So when it finally came time to decorate our tree, I told Nate I had something special to show him first. When I came into the living room with my sparkly, floor-length outfit on, I learned what Aunt Joyce meant by “fetching.” Without a word, it fetched him right over to me!

Our decorating didn’t take very long. We’d gone to the local mall and each chosen one ornament as the start of a Nyman family tradition, so we did have those. And we had one string of lights for our giant tree, but that was all.

Nate's ornamentHowever, with great joy and lots of ceremony, we took turns hanging our two ornaments. Nate had picked a plastic one that resembled a stoplight with “jewels” on all four sides. I chose a delicate glass globe with a glitzy gold star inside.

And our multi-colored lights were a snap to put on, although we did it upside-down, ending with the plug at the top. It made for a good laugh and was no problem to re-hang them, since it was only one string.

Turning out the room lights and sitting on the floor beneath our tree was a moment of magic that would last a long time. Later I wrote in my journal:

Since we’ve been married for almost a month, the strong feeling I hold for Nate has increased ten-fold. It’s really a strong, secure bond of love. It seems that all the things we do for each other never go unreciprocated. Pleasing him pleases me.

Dec. journal

The next day we received some news that was even better than a Christmas gift. My Wheaton roommate Julie, the one who was going to “let us store” her grandma’s elegant bedroom set, called to say the furniture would be leaving Wisconsin on a moving truck the very next day.

After living with what we called a bare-naked bedroom for 4 months, at last we would have dresser drawers for putting away our clothes, mirrors to get ready in front of, and best of all, a real bed to sleep in…. with room in it to do lots of other things, too.

We couldn’t wait!

“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” (Romans 12:10)

Newlywed Love (#8)

Posted on by

December 17, 1969

Although our mailbox wasn’t as full as during pre-wedding days, Nate faithfully checked it. I loved receiving occasional letters from Mary, Mom, and others who kept me current with the news of family and friends back home.

One day, after I’d hiked up the stairs at the end of a long work day, Nate and I greeted each other warmly as always – but then he said, “Interesting mail today.”

“From who?” I said.

With a serious expression he turned to get the letter, handing it to me while keeping his eyes on my face. Immediately I recognized the writing — my old boyfriend.

Although it was addressed to both of us, Nate had chosen not to open it.

“I have no idea what it is,” I said, “but you can open it if you want.”

“No thanks,” he said.

When I was still dating this guy, I was also exchanging letters with Nate, and he knew about the relationship from before it began until after it ended 18 months later. I often asked “my friend Nate” for advice about how to handle conflict with “my boyfriend,” and through that time Nate never said a negative word about him.

Instead, he gave his objective opinions, absent of any pressure on me to break it off, though that’s what he was hoping for. He gave me the freedom to choose while praying passionately that God would turn my heart toward him.

As I held this unexpected letter in a hand that was slightly trembling, I looked up at my young husband and saw something new in his face: anger. Not toward me but toward the letter and its author.

Wanting to reassure him I said, “If you want to, we can just throw it away without opening it.”

“No.” he said, “Let’s see what he wants.”

LetterI opened the envelope and began reading aloud, struggling with a tightness in my throat. “I’d like to be friends with both of you,” he wrote. “So I’m inviting you to my New Year’s Eve party. It’ll be at my house – Dec. 31, of course.”

He wrote about a new beginning and gave the details of the party, ending with, “Hope to see you there!”

Nate didn’t say a word, but his thoughts were all over his face. He waited for me to speak.

I handed the letter back to him and said, “I have absolutely zero interest in having a relationship with him, or attending his party. I hope I never see him again in my whole life.”

Nate’s expression relaxed a bit and he encircled me in a strong hug. Though I still felt shaky, I was sure everything was going to work out right. Together we composed a brief response with a “no” for the RSVP, clearly stating we weren’t interested in pursuing friendship.

I love you.Later as we walked to the mailbox, we talked further about the letter and the possibility of other outside influences coming from all kinds of places with potential to harm our marriage. And we decided then and there that we would be intentional about fending them all off…. together.

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” (Proverbs 4:23)

Newlywed Love (#6)

Posted on by

December 15, 1969

GiftsAs the days passed toward our one month anniversary, it was time to get serious about writing thank you notes. The task was daunting, and in 1969, tradition dictated that the bride wrote them all. I loved to write and didn’t have trouble saying what my heart was feeling, but several hundred of them? Overwhelming.

Nate encouraged me to write 5 each evening, starting at the beginning of our gift record book and proceeding straight through. “Maybe on the weekends you could write a few more than that,” he said. “And then they’d all be done by the end of March.”

Keeping up that kind of steady pace sounded like a test of self-discipline I didn’t have, but I set up a little “writing corner” on a metal TV tray in our still-sparse apartment – a pen, note cards, and our record book.

Note cardsWhen we’d ordered the wedding invitations, we’d also requested note cards with our married title on the front, and envelopes to match. So as I opened the first one to begin writing, I got sweet encouragement by reading that lovely new identification: Mr. and Mrs. Willard Nathan Nyman. Looking at that over and over would spur me on.

One side benefit of writing thank you’s was the regular conversations I had with Mom when I called for addresses. She encouraged me to go at it with enthusiasm, although she added some healthy pressure. “People were very generous to you and Nathan,” she said, “so try to be generous with your words as you write. Make each note card very personal.”

And so I began…. but by the end of the first week, I had already fallen behind. After a long day of teaching with an hour commute at each end, the higher priority for my evenings was to spend time with my new husband. He, too, wanted to be together “to play a little” after a day of high stress.

Also, I was still figuring out how to cook, and after we’d eaten a minimal dinner, we’d often take a long walk around the neighborhood. Holding hands as we went, we’d dream out loud about some distant day when we might own a house like the ones we passed as we walked.

Neighborhood.

Pointing to an English Tudor I’d say, “That’ll be my house.” He preferred a saltbox colonial or anything else with symmetry. Talking about owning a home some day and a togetherness that stretched that far into the future warmed me in some hidden place deep inside, and both of us felt a gentle peace in knowing we’d always be together.

“In all toil there is profit.” (Proverbs 14:23)