Category Archives: Friendship

Young Love (#4)

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As the summer of 1968 moved into autumn, the Vietnam War dominated our nightly news. Nate went back to law school, continuing with his ROTC commitment, and I went back to teaching kindergarten in Chicago.

It was a tumultuous time for our nation with violence erupting even on college campuses, but Vietnam wasn’t the only war going on.

On a more finite level, I was experiencing my own inner war, attempting to handle an 18-month relationship with someone I should never have fallen in love with in the first place. But knowing what’s right and acting on it can be miles apart. Meanwhile, the letters between Nate and I became more frequent.

thoughtfulSept. 10, 1968 – Dear Meg. Thank you for your letter. I applied for and have now become a graduate advisor in an undergrad dorm, which at the moment has me rather nervous. There was a demonstration at the student union; police arrested 300 students. This makes me quite edgy. I would like to come to Chicago, but this job leaves me few weekends. I definitely would like to see you again. Absolutely love to.

Sept. 19, 1968 – Nate, you sound like you have your hands full down there! We heard all about the arrests on the news. Be careful! Tonight I’m miserable with 102 degree fever.

Oct. 17, 1968 – I am very sorry to hear of your sickness. Take all your medicine and sleep a lot. And read your Bible, little girl. This counseling job has a million men (actually 72) depending on me at different times for many things. Such as letting drunk boys in their rooms at dawn. Be good and rest, my little vixen.

thinkingOct. 20, 1968 – Dear Nate. Your letter came at an opportune moment. Today is a blue day for me. I’m through with my strep throat, but I’m really going buggy. I think my dating (the other guy) is dragging me away from the joy of the Lord. There is a constant struggle within me to tell him we should break up and not even be friends, and then in the next minute we are arranging another date. Inside, I know it’s useless, actually detrimental, to keep our relationship going. But don’t worry about me. I’m trying to let the Lord handle the whole situation, even whatever is happening in my mind about (him)…. and also about you. I know I have been trying your patience, and I apologize. P.S. What does “vixen” mean?

Oct. 25, 1968 – “Vixen” means she-fox, beautiful and sly. When you write that you’re upset about (the guy’s) soul, I only can tell you to resolve it with your faith, which I think is stronger than love of any man. And let common sense tell you that snap decisions lead to unhappiness. If you don’t want to quit dating (him), at least date someone else, too.

Oct. 31, 1968 – Nate, thank you so much for your last letter. I have read it over and over, and its encouraging nature was a terrific aid to me. (The other guy) and I are totally finished as of one week ago. The initial grief was shattering. In idle moments I still find my mind wandering to, “Oh, if only…” When the heaviness of the heartache eventually lets up, I hope I will consider myself better off for having gone through it. I’m relieved that the break has been made. (He) opposed it, which made it worse for me, but thank goodness the Lord was backing me up… and people like you.

“Love does not dishonor others.” (1 Corinthians 13:5)

Young Love (#2)

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When a young man is sure of his love for a certain young woman, nothing but full-blown rejection will kill his hope. So in the 1960’s, Nate subtly continued to fan the flame from afar through heartfelt letters laced with compliments and optimism, despite there still being a third party in the mix.

The Vietnam war was heating up, and the draft had been re-established. With a low number, Nate worried he’d be called up and, as he put it, “taken.” A friend of his had gone and returned in a body bag, and others he knew had come back traumatized. So he applied to join the University of Illinois ROTC program, which included an educational deferment for full time students, at least at that time.

wooingJust after Christmas, he squeezed in a quick visit to the Chicago area to see me, hoping one-on-one time would bring us closer.

Jan. 2, 1968 – (from me) I want to thank you very much for coming all this way to see me, and for the beautiful pendant and sweet cologne you brought. Thank you also for all the nice things you said and did while you were here. All of it was appreciated. Thanks again. Margaret

Feb. 26, 1968 – I am happy to get your letter. Meg, you don’t have to keep telling me that we’re just friends. I know that. I got it straight last June. No romance, but friendship… a corresponding friendship. I think you’re right when you say life can be confusing. You say you feel confused; didn’t you realize that when you go out with someone, his affection and desire for you would grow? The reason (the other boy) asks you out is that he is getting fonder of you.

Mar. 17, 1968 – Meg, I really don’t know what to write about you and (the other guy). You want advice, but you must make up your own mind. Though you say you are in a period of separation from him now, you may decide to go back to him at the end of it. The ultimate thing is for you to love him and for him to reciprocate. To me, the most important thing is for you to be happy.

April 3, 1968 – Your current situation with (the other guy) sounds like you have resolved the problem of religious differences. I think you are extremely sophisticated to view the matter as you do. Many women might childishly make demands, but you honestly offer cordiality to a good and sincere man. And both of us know how fortunate I think he is. And consider this: commitment to Christ can be found in any denomination.

a-studentMay 29, 1968 – My faith is the only thing holding me together. I’ve taken three out of five law finals, and the pressure is intense. And after a perusal of TIME magazine with its articles on Russian missiles, bio-chemical warfare, racism, and battered child syndrome, I think faith in Christ is sine qua non.

May 30, 1968 – After filling out dozens of forms, I finally got my ROTC appointment. The Army has been nice to me… 160 applicants, and they only took 16, with only 4 of those in grad school. I don’t know what I did to be so lucky, but I thank God for it each night. ROTC means I’ll have a deferment from the draft at least until I get my law degree. It means two summer camps with the Army, but I won’t have to go to Vietnam any time soon. I would like to give you a big hug, and you’d probably like to bounce the nearest vase off of my head.

“The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” (Proverbs 29:25)

One Way Love

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Nate and I met in 1966 during our senior years at different colleges. Though we were together only infrequently and usually with others, a friendship quickly developed.

But 1967 saw both of us graduate and move to new pursuits, Nate into law school and me into teaching kindergarten – 156 miles apart. No commitments had been made, but we continued our relationship through letters. Nate, however, began hoping for something more than friendship, and I began dating someone else.

Excerpts from Nate’s 1967 letters:

June 8, 1967 — It would be redundant half a million times to tell you that I’ll miss you this summer. You ought to know it, every time I look in your eyes.                                           Your friend, Nate 

June 27, 1967 — You write very nice letters, and it pleases me to get them.  

Sept. 18, 1967 — img_4416As autumn and law school begin, I think of last year – of you, Bob and Kate – and the memorable times we had together, especially, though, of you. We ought to remain good friends, writing each other occasionally, and if my law studies permit, and if you want, visiting.  

Oct. 24, 1967 — You’re good to write me. I miss you. And I wish I could hug you right now. I remember winter and spring quarters as some of the best times of my life. Margaret Johnson, you are quite a woman.  

img_4418Nov. 1, 1967 —  I want to see you very much but this law doesn’t let up enough to give me a free weekend. At semester break my finals will be over and then I can come to Wilmette to see Meg without any old law books to worry about. Thank you for Proverbs 13:4. I hope to be “the diligent” who “shall be made fat.” 

Nov. 8, 1967 — I always want to be a friend of yours, and often think that you are more than a friend to me. I hesitate to say I “love” you, but wish to indicate very strong feelings for you. As we said last June, the only policy is for both of us to be free to go out with others. 

excerpt

Dec. 29, 1967 — We must learn, as W. Churchill once said, to make virtues of necessities. Being away has hardly changed my feelings for you. To be candid, Meg, law students take their board contracts at Illinois with an undergraduate women’s dining service. Every day I eat with and talk with many co-eds. I have seen few who compare to you in the ways of dress and taste and beauty. And have met only one or two who possibly have your sincerity of faith. In essence, they lack what you have. This is honesty with you; and I expect it to be reciprocated. I don’t judge you at all, nor am I hostile or angry about your seeing [the other boy]. He is a fine fellow. And I never expected you to sit alone while I was in law school. The only thing that ruffled my feelings a little was that you didn’t tell me you were seeing him at first. Frankly, Meg, I consider my relationship with you very special. I know that “man proposes and God disposes;” however, I feel our relationship will become much closer.

And by the end of that year, his signature “Your friend, Nate” had morphed into “Love, Nate.”

(…more to come)

“Love is patient.” (1 Corinthians 13:4)