Category Archives: Friendship

The Little Things

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Since Mary let it be known that her cancer has returned, she’s received an inbox full of emails and a mailbox full of snail mail. Her heart is being well fed by these kind messages.

Mary and son-in-law DrewThe other day she said, “It’s interesting what people are writing. Many are thanking me for helping them in ways I don’t even remember, little things that in the big picture don’t even matter. It’s stuff like bringing someone a cold drink or giving them a ride. Why people are thanking me for this kind of thing, I don’t know. It’s not even worth remembering.”

After we talked about it for a while, we concluded that maybe the little things really are the big things. For example, if we hope to do “big things for the Lord,” we might be missing the point of what he wants us to do. If Mary’s mail is any indication, little things can have a big impact.

I remember Mom experiencing the same thing. She was in her late eighties and had begun receiving calls and visits from long-ago Sunday school pupils who by then were middle-aged. The reason for their attention was always the same: each was taking a look-back at their lives, and Mom had factored in significantly. They were calling and visiting to acknowledge her and express gratitude.

“Thanks for being glad to see us whenever we came around. Those chocolate chip cookies you made were fabulous. And thanks for helping us decorate for the high school banquets each year.” Inevitably they listed “little things” that stuck out in their memories. And just like Mary, Mom didn’t remember most of them.

That’s the thing about any life well-lived. What he/she does by helping people is so second-nature, it goes unremembered. Being nice, thinking of others first, offering help, all become automatic and play out in a lifestyle that leaves a trail of blessings all along the way. Everyone sees it except the one doing the blessing.

As Mary’s mail attests, she is one of those unusual people. As for the rest of us standing on the sidelines watching, we’re learning that it’s the little things that really matter most.

“Do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.” (Hebrews 13:16)

Praising and Praying with Mary

  1. I’m thankful for today, a very full, very good Sunday.
  2. Please pray for the ability to take one day at a time and not look too far down the road; in other words, to be content with a flashlight, not a floodlight.

Tantalizing Fantasizing

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Every widow friend of mine has wished her husband could come back, if only for a few minutes. We’ve all fantasized about how we would greet them, what we’d say, how we’d show love. Such a scenario is as captivating as a first date, and although we all know it can’t be, thinking about it is delicious.

howard_F2S13P-P1.tiffThis morning I was pondering the biblical Lazarus, a friend Jesus often stayed with between destinations. He enjoyed time with this pal and his two sisters, probably relaxing around a lamp-lit wooden table, telling of his travels. These four singles were close in heart and surely had fun together. Scripture twice says Jesus loved them.

When Lazarus got sick, the grieving sisters did what came naturally: they got word to Jesus. But Lazarus died before he could get there.

When Jesus finally came, Mary, Martha and a crowd of mourners had been grieving for four days. No doubt the sisters were thinking, “Oh, how we want our brother back, even for just a few minutes. He left so quickly we couldn’t even get Jesus here in time. If only we could talk with him again, hold onto him, somehow prevent his death.”

When Jesus arrived, Martha raced out to meet him with the same wish my widow friends and I have. “Jesus, you can do whatever you want! You could bring him back!” Although I haven’t met Martha, I know what she was thinking: “If you bring him back, you can heal him, and then he won’t have to die!”

But Jesus responded conservatively, reminding Martha that Lazarus would rise eventually. That wasn’t good enough for her, though. I picture her tugging on his arm, bouncing up and down saying, “Yes, yes, I know, but you know what I mean!”

Jesus calmly asked if she truly believed he was the way to heaven, and she says, “Yes, of course! I believe you! But…”

Racing back to the house, she grabs Mary and excitedly says, “Jesus is here! Hurry up!”  And it’s Mary’s turn to rush out. While weeping, she voices the same longing as Martha but in a different way. “You could have prevented this! And you should have!”

Amazingly, Jesus gave the sisters what they wanted: their brother back.

Lazarua and sistersWhat was life like for these siblings after that? Martha and Mary probably didn’t take their eyes off Lazarus, couldn’t stop asking questions. Most likely they touched him, took his hand, hugged him, told him they loved him, until he had to say, “Ok, girls. Enough already!”

I’ll bet they loved their brother with a nearly perfect love after having lost him, then gotten him back. That’s what my widow friends and I long for, too, though we know it won’t happen.

But if wives could just get that second-chance love figured out the first time around, marriages could be radical examples of what God originally had in mind for husbands and wives.

Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” (John 11:43)

Good Advice

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If I were you, I’d…
I think you should…
You ought to…
You’d better consider…

Some people are always offering advice, whether solicited or not.

A while ago, a long-time friend sent me two letters written by Nate. He’d mailed them to her and her husband in 1986, and she knew I’d appreciate “hearing from Nate” now. These friends of ours were going through a financial squeeze much like we were at the time, and Nate had been touched by their plight.

Two letters from NateThe first letter’s purpose was to encourage them. He quotes Winston Churchill’s statement, “Never, never, never, never give in!” and refers to Roosevelt’s speech about trying valiantly rather than giving up without a fight. Nate wrote, “Tough as it is, it’s much better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all.”

In four handwritten pages, he gives only two short sentences of advice: 1) Keep your attitude up, and 2) call me if you want some free lawyer advice on your lawsuit.

It warmed me to see Nate’s large, loopy handwriting again, although I used to fuss at him for not writing more legibly. But better than the penmanship was his message. I remember those dark, worrisome days well. Nate was not only frustrated with his career plunge but felt like a personal failure to his family, which included 6 children at the time. Yet somehow he came up with 4 pages of uplifting words for our friends.

None of us can say why life has to include massive failures and disappointments. Maybe it has to do with our asking God to make us more like Christ. That never comes without suffering or pain, and hardship gives us that chance. Of course we can become angry about it, but that’s hardly fair if we’ve asked for Christ-likeness.

Trials push us to Scripture and prayer, which brings us closer to God. Coming closer to God results in rubbing shoulders with Jesus, which in turn makes us more like him. What begins as harmful can turn out well.

In Nate’s second letter, he relates the details of his own struggle. I sense that writing it out long hand somehow helped him. Our financial future was spinning like a tornado, and summarizing it on paper seemed to bring calm into his personal storm.

He ends with an invitation for these friends (who lived one state away) to come and visit us, writing out exact driving directions to our house. Although this couple now lives four states away, we are still “close”…

…close enough for them to know how much I would love receiving two letters from Nate.

“You are a letter from Christ… This “letter” is written not with pen and ink, but with the Spirit of the living God. It is carved not on tablets of stone, but on human hearts.” (2 Corinthians 3:3)