Category Archives: Friendship

Just say it.

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Sleepytime IsaacToday Linnea, baby Isaac, and I drove the 90 minutes from SW Michigan to Chicago’s Midway Airport. Sadly, it was time to see them off after a visit that went by way too fast and was far too short. But 3 excited children were waiting in Florida after 5 days that seemed far too long without their mommy and little brother, not to mention one eagerly waiting husband.

Helping Linnea into the airport with her baby, luggage, carry-on, and stroller, I was glad we could enjoy a few extra minutes together in line for a boarding pass. Suddenly a woman walked up to me from the side, touched my arm and said, “That color blue looks really good on you!”

The color blue.I looked at her, a traveler pulling her carry-on bag, wanting to do nothing more than uplift me. She smiled when I thanked her, and as she and her bag rolled away, she nodded as if to say, “Really… I mean it.”

Looking at Linnea with raised eyebrows I said, “Wow. That was really nice!”

I’m ashamed to say I probably wouldn’t have done the same for a stranger in similar circumstances, not wanting “to intrude” or make a person “feel uncomfortable.” But the woman’s compliment felt good, certainly not intrusive or uncomfortable.

I’ve often chided myself for thinking positive thoughts about someone but failing to get them out of my mouth. Pastor George Sweeting used to say, “Never suppress a generous impulse,” but passing up an opportunity to speak approving words is exactly that.

When Nate was struggling with his cancer, it slowly dawned on us he wasn’t going to live through it. As soon as we figured that out, we could effortlessly voice words of admiration and love, messages that probably wouldn’t have come out so readily or powerfully, had we both been healthy.

Modeling.Now I see the same thing happening with Mary and those of us who are “satellite-ing” around her in her cancer fight. This can be counted as something positive emerging from all the negatives.

It’s also a strong nudge to get us delivering words of praise to others, whether healthy or sick, whenever we think them. Our words carry great power and can accomplish some really good things, not just in others but in us, too. Maybe that’s one of the reasons God instructs us to adore and praise him with words.

It’s been 12 hours since the airport lady spoke to me, but I’m still thinking about it. And if given a choice, the next time I go shopping for clothes, I’ll be scanning the racks for blue.

“Encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

Praising and Praying with Mary:

  1. Pray for tomorrow’s meeting with the 3rd hospital about chemo, and for sensitivity to the Spirit’s leading in the decision
  2. Praise for praying people who are still at it!
  3. Praise for 2 months worth of cards, notes, and packages arriving daily (“The milk of human kindness is flowing!”)

The Kindness of Strangers

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Whenever I talk to Mary (still in Rochester, MN), one of the things she inevitably mentions is the thoughtfulness of strangers. She can’t understand why people who’ve never met her might be interested in her situation, much less offer to pray for her.

Many of you blog readers are in the group she’s marveling over, and one of you, a woman neither Mary nor I have ever met, did something truly special last week.

Prayer shawl.In the days before surgery, someone named Rachel asked (through this blog) if Mary owned a prayer shawl. Though I’d heard of prayer shawls, I had the misconception only priests or rabbis wore them, and only in a church or temple.

My second misunderstanding was that prayer shawls were all about prayers prayed while the shawl was being worn, but Rachel straightened me out: “While a prayer shawl is being made,” she wrote, “prayers are being said for the recipient.” And here was a stranger wanting to make something beautiful for Mary, with prayer in every stitch. Astonishing.

Prayer shawlsRachel said, “The shawl can be used in any way someone would use a shawl, as a wrap, as a covering when resting, or just to touch while it rests beside you.”

I called Mary, and it didn’t take 2 seconds to say “yes”. For some- one who believes wholeheartedly in the power of prayer, such a gift was of grand proportions.

As God would have it, the shawl (of Mary’s favorite color) arrived in my mailbox the day before I drove to Mayo Clinic. The evening before surgery, Mary and the rest of us went out to dinner, Mary’s last food-by-mouth for many weeks (due to her feeding tube). Over coffee and dessert she opened the box.

Prayer shawlOnce again she was stunned by the kindness of a stranger. As it turns out, Rachel has made prayer shawls for many: she became a widow shortly before I did and wrote, “My husband was a great part of this ministry. He might come home from the dog park, the grocery store, or the community center and tell me about someone who was dealing with something in their life he thought would be made easier if they had a prayer shawl.” And Rachel would get to work.

Her selfless act for stranger-Mary moved us all, challenging us to watch for strangers in our own lives who might need encouraging. We never know when that person might be a messenger from God, because with him, anything is possible.

IMG_0605Rachel closed her email with, “I’m honored for the opportunity to make this shawl for Mary.” And now she is a stranger-no-more.

“Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters. Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.” (Hebrews 13:1-2)

 

Mary’s prayer requests:

  1. Praise for grown “kids” taking time off work and driving far distances to spend time with Mary and Bervin
  2. Praise for God’s provision of co-workers in Mary’s ministry work at home, who have picked up the slack for her since February 15
  3. For relief from rumbling gas pain in her abdomen
  4. For steady weight gain, despite only relying on the feeding tube for nutrition

A Love That’s True

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No marriage is without its stress points. Whether it’s something internal between husband and wife or something external that life throws at both of them, hard times can either make or break a relationship.

Broken HeartStatistics show, for example, that having a bankruptcy can cause a couple to split up. The birth of a special needs child can do it, too, or in-law problems, a critical spouse, or chronic health issues. And when life-and-death cancer hits, anything can happen.

A couple could blame each other for the dilemma they’re in. They might argue about it and berate each other, harming their relationship. But they could also weather the storm together, clinging to one another tighter than ever.

Mary and Bervin are currently traveling through one of those life-and-death crises, each of them exposed to a mountain of stress and sadness. Cancer has a way of doing that to people. But everything I’ve observed between the two of them points to increasing togetherness rather than a cracking of their marriage bond.

The day of Mary’s surgery (Monday), as four of us said goodbye, she went around the circle giving each of us a strong hug. Coming to Bervin, she passed him by. “I’m saving the best for last,” she said, looking at him. Then after hugging the rest of us, she went back to him and held on tight.

What part does God play in the traumas that come to all married couples? For one thing, he doesn’t waste even one of these experiences. Rough patches in marriage are particularly useful from his point of view, since they tend to polish off our rough edges and make couples look to him for help. At least that’s his hope.

Heading to surgeryGod’s intention is that when trouble comes, wives and husbands will race to put supportive arms around each other, satisfying the other one’s need without concern for their own. By doing so they demonstrate humility, servanthood, and true love, which pleases both their partner and the God who bonded them in marriage. It also primes the pump for a next time, when the one who’s been given the most, eagerly becomes the giver.

Traditional (old-fashioned) wedding vows include this concluding statement: “What God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” (Mark 10:9) In other words, nothing of human origin should be allowed to pull them apart. When circumstances threaten to do that, even if it’s a disease, God hopes husband and wife will cling instead of crumble, coming out the other side stronger than ever.

That’s exactly what’s happening with Mary and Bervin. Mary’s life will never be the same now that cancer has come, and their marriage won’t be the same either. But that’s ok, because it’s going to be better than ever.

“Love… endures through every circumstance.” (1 Corinthians 13:7)

Mary’s prayer requests:

  1. For a peaceful night after a day of difficulty
  2. For pain meds to work without causing nausea
  3. For thorough healing of Mary’s insides
  4. For stamina to meet physical demands