Category Archives: Friendship

Potential for Fear

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Elisabeth Elliot (to whom I referred yesterday) is one of those rare people who has been committed to Christ from a very young age without wavering. That’s not to say she hasn’t struggled with why God does what he does.

Wedding dayHer widowhood arrived only 3 years into her marriage to missionary Jim Elliot, a man so committed to sharing Christ’s love he told Elizabeth (Betty) he had decided never to marry. In God’s economy, wives trumped careers, and Jim didn’t want to slight either one.

But after years of friendship with Betty, he realized that her longing to serve God was as deep as his, and so they married, eager for a lifetime of ministry together. Though it seemed God’s plans had gone awry when Jim was murdered along with 4 fellow laborers, Betty accepted it as his will for her and their 10 month old daughter Valerie.

End of the SpearShe then did something her friends thought was incongruous, even unconscionable. She packed up her little girl and headed for the same tribal group that killed her husband, intent on continuing the work he’d barely begun. Her astounding story has been told in books (Through Gates of Splendor, The Savage My Kinsman), magazines (LIFE, Readers Digest), and a feature film (End of the Spear).

Betty and Valerie

 

 

As Betty trudged on foot through the snake-infested jungles of Ecuador to see not only the place where her husband died but to meet the men who killed him, surely she was frightened. I would have been terrified. But she testified to knowing no fear. She took two reassuring tools with her: a rock-solid belief in the sovereignty of God, and her camera.

Whatever happened, she believed, would only occur if God allowed it. Though she didn’t understand why Jim had to die, she didn’t sign off on her faith. Instead she submitted further, trusting God not just with her own life but with that of her toddler.

Betty's photo albumFifty-eight years later we begin to understand a bit better as we see this once-violent tribe of savages committed to Christ and living in love relationships. Betty and the others who refused to let fear keep them away were ultimately successful in bringing God’s light into a dark culture.

The devil delights in torturing us with fear, whether it’s to debilitate a new widow facing the unknown, or to dangle failure in front of someone trying a new venture, or to fight seemingly unbeatable cancer as my sister is. But God steps forward and says, “That fear is not of Me. Don’t buy into it. Keep trusting me with abandon.”

From Betty’s youthful perspective, her husband’s death was unnecessary, and for years she bore the heavy burden of trying to understand God’s behavior. When she finally figured out she wasn’t responsible for it, the load fell off and she was free to rest in God’s peace.

Her example should encourage us all to take him at his word and move forward without fear. Only in heaven will we finally understand why God did what he did on earth.

“The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” (Proverbs 29:25)

Thank you for continuing in prayer for Mary. Additional requests on tomorrow’s blog.

When Love Comes Easy

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If cancer strikes someone we love, it has a way of dictating an uncertain future for the one who’s sick but also for those surrounding her. In most cases, cancer becomes a family affair. Those who haven’t been demonstrative suddenly begin hugging each other, and everybody goes out of their way to be kind. Fresh bonds are formed, and declarations of love become easier to make.

These are some of the positives God brings when circumstances seem the most negative. But how much nicer is it when families have practiced kindness and love all along, before the crisis? None of us should wait for an emergency to work at forming strong bonds or to start hugging. Families can weather storms much better when harmony is already a way of life.

Receiving the albumThree months ago Mary turned 70. As a special birthday treat her children created a book of notes, photos, and greeting cards from family and friends, each one a tribute to their mom. Naturally her extended family was well represented in the album, along with scores of others. But when the messages were written, no one knew the birthday girl would soon be coping with cancer.

Life’s crises tend to come on us suddenly, often taking us by complete surprise. And frequently the chaos of crisis events doesn’t give us time to mend relationships or right wrongs before it’s too late. Regret sets in, and we are saddened to know we lost our chance to say and do all the good stuff before it was “forced” by circumstances. A better approach would be to steadily work at those things as we go along, day by day, keeping short accounts with those we love.

This week while texting back and forth with Mary I asked how she was feeling. Her answer was interesting. “I’ve been sitting in the sun [their condo has a southern exposure] reading my birthday book, overwhelmed by it all.”

Birthday book insideIf Mary’s kids had waited to make her birthday book until after her diagnosis, every single message would have made reference to her cancer, whether directly or indirectly, and the whole thing would have taken on a sad feel. How much more nourishing for her to be drenched in warmth this week, both from sunshine streaming through the windows and pre-cancer love radiating from her album.

SunshineLove should flow through all of us, certainly during times of crisis, but it should be just as evident on ordinary, nothing-special days.

“Let all that you do be done in love.” (1 Corinthians 16:14)

Mary’s prayer praises:

  1. Praise for feeling pretty good and sleeping well
  2. Praise for so many encouraging cards/notes
  3. Praise for the richness of God’s Word
  4. Praise for a supportive, caring family

Sister Sob Story

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This morning I had a meltdown, a 20 minute cry over my sister Mary and her cancer. As the days pass and additional medical recommendations are made for her treatment, all of us are increasing in hope for a brighter future than we first thought. Time after time I have to remind myself this isn’t a repeat of my husband’s rapid-fire cancer, and we are NOT approaching Mary’s final days.

This morning, however, I lost sight of that for a few minutes. But it wasn’t just that.

???????????????????????????????Mary and Bervin’s son Luke has been an extraordinary asset to his parents since her diagnosis on February 15. As a highly successful consultant to hospitals around the country, Luke has absorbed a wealth of medical information, not just about specific doctors and health care institutions but about patient care, therapeutic drug use, and diagnostic testing.

Since the diagnosis, Luke has been Mary’s medical champion and full time troubleshooter. Although I know only a fraction of what he knows, he and I jive perfectly on one thing: Job-One is to protect Mary from all harm.

For example, we’ve known from the very first day that too many phone calls, texts, and visits would overwhelm and exhaust her. So Luke and I talked about that and have steadily worked to shield her from an overdose of social life ever since.

Yesterday, for instance, a group of ladies very dear to Mary emailed me with the hope they could spend time with her today. I texted Mary for her opinion, but when I didn’t hear back, I made the decision to handle it myself. I told them a visit would be too much for her and that they shouldn’t do it. I wrote, “How about notes or flowers instead?”

Eventually Mary and I talked about their request to visit, and since these women were from out of town, she opted to let them come. This morning, as I mentally constructed an apologetic email to the ladies, it hit me that as passionately as I want to protect my sister from harm, I can’t really do it. And it’s not because of phone calls, texts, and visits.

???????????????????????????????Mary has cancer! And I can’t do anything to defend her from this enemy’s ongoing assault. That was the real reason for my morning meltdown.

As I talked to God about it through this day, he gradually convinced me that it doesn’t really matter if I can’t protect my sister. He told me, in no uncertain terms, that that’s his job. “I’ve got this,” he said.

And so, although cancer does have the powerful ability to cause meltdowns, God has the greater ability to protect Mary in whatever way he chooses.

“This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. If you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you.” (Psalm 91:2,6,9-10)

Mary’s prayer requests: 

  1. For courage and confidence in the Lord 
  2. For God’s will to be done  
  3. Continued prayer for her kids

Thanks!