Category Archives: Friendship

Nate’s Notes

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Anyone who’s lost someone they love through death is acquainted with the harsh finality of the separation. No new photos of that person, no fresh conversations, no advice or opinions, no notes or cards.

Earlier this week when my Hope Chest revealed a whole bagful of Nate’s handwritten notes that I hadn’t remembered saving, my heart skipped a beat, and I gave the bag a big hug. I believe God led me to those notes to help me develop a spirit of gratitude within my widowhood. In that same spirit, I share a sampling here with you.

Rising by 5:00 am every morning to make his long commute to Chicago’s Loop, Nate and I didn’t connect on workday mornings. Instead his greeting to me was a 3 x 5 card, usually propped against the coffee pot. Despite the financial crucible he was experiencing at the time, a positive tenor flowed through his messages. Reading them from my current position without him, has been inspirational.

(No need to read them all, if you can even read them at all!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s good for each of us to ask, “When my family is disposing of my things, what statements will my life be making?”

If I could choose one theme I’d like them to find, it would be gratitude, and not just gratitude in general, but gratitude to God. I have a long way to go, but Nate’s notes have inspired me in that direction. Maybe I’ll even buy myself a pack of 3 x 5 cards.

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.” (1 Chronicles 16:34)

Cyber-words

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A few years ago, if you’d have asked me what cyber-friendship was, I couldn’t have answered. Now I not only have an answer, I have lots of cyber-friends. All kinds of readers from every corner of the globe have allowed me to become electronically acquainted with them, and I’ve kept a cyber-file of their stories.

Since my book was published [Hope for an Aching Heart, at left], many people have detailed specific help they’ve received from its pages, and the email quoted below is an example that was deeply moving to me.

Bev writes:

I purchased your book from DHP [Discovery House Publishers] recently, in hopes that it would help me get through the crisis I am experiencing in my life right now.

My husband of 37 years left me without warning, to be with another woman.  To say I was devastated would be putting it mildly.  I thought my life was over.  I thought we would spend the rest of our lives together, but it was not to be.  I am having an extremely hard time dealing with this.  I saw your book in a leaflet from RBC.  Knowing that I am going through most of the same feelings, emotions and challenges that a widow would, I thought maybe this book could be of some help.  It’s been amazing!

Ninety-five percent of the book pertains to what I am going through.  I just substitute ‘single woman’ for ‘widow’ and ‘marriage breakdown’ for ‘husband’s death.’  I am finding great comfort and help from this book.  The prayers at the end of each chapter are wonderful and very pertinent.

Perhaps you could mention it in a blog or elsewhere on your site, that it might be a helpful book also for women who are going through a marriage breakdown and divorce, especially if it’s been a sudden event for them.

God bless you!

Sincerely,
Bev

I’m thankful for Bev’s openness and her willingness to share her heartbreaking story (used with her permission), and I want to encourage anyone enduring marriage struggles to take her advice. The reason she’s found hope is that my book is laced with pieces of God’s book, life-changing truth that can supernaturally jump off the page and into our lives, no matter what the situation. His book is “living and powerful.”

What does that mean?

Hebrews 4 tells us the words of Scripture “discern the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” That isn’t just so it can judge us. It’s also for the purpose of determining what our hearts need so it can help us. Bev found that even though the book was aimed at widows, God met her in her non-widow circumstance because his Word actively discerned her need and then blanketed it with encouragement and love.

I’m thankful for my new cyber-friend Bev and also for the Lord, because I know he’ll never be at a loss for words… not even in cyber-space.

 “The word of God is alive and powerful… It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.” (Hebrews 4:12-13)

But mine are best.

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Many parents say they were blessed with the best kids in the world, my own mom included. But tonight it’s my kids’ turn.

Today was my birthday, but as Dad used to say on his own birthday, “What’s all the fuss about? Everyone has one of these every year.” Even so, I was feted to a dinner party, was given gifts, had a sleepover in downtown Chicago, ate lunch at a sidewalk café, and enjoyed the Broadway musical “Million Dollar Quartet,” watching it from a 2nd row seat. It was quite a birthday!

On top of all that, like cherries on the proverbial sundae, I heard from all 7 of my children, a gift of immeasurable value.

Back in 1973 when I was a new mother, if someone had asked, “What would ‘the best kids in the world’ look like?” my answer would have been something like this: those who obey every rule, get straights A’s in school, and sit quietly in church.

But when Nate’s and my parenting didn’t produce 7 children exactly like that, it didn’t bother us. That’s because we ended up with 7 deeply meaningful relationships with our now-adult children.

Every parent wants to see his/her children turn out to be “the best in the world.” So how do we get them there? What bottom-line do we want for them? Those of us who are Christians hope each of them will one day land in heaven, because that’s where we plan to be, and we want to be there together. Second to that, though, what’s our strongest desire for them?

“The best” kids will have probably developed good character. For example, all of us are thrilled when we see our children sticking with commitments they’ve made or working hard without complaint. We’re all pleased when they make decisions with wisdom or exercise self-control. And it’s gratifying to watch them put the needs of others ahead of their own.

As I thought about these important character qualities in relation to my children, I smiled to realize each of them have evidenced some of all of those… today. And then I thought of holding myself to the same high standard and recognized that it’s a lifelong project, for me and also for them. None of us will ever have flawless character, but we can all work steadily toward it.

God watches our efforts from the vantage point of character perfection. And I like to think that just as I got excited today when my children demonstrated some of those good qualities in caring for their mom, the Lord must be enthused when he sees a glimmer of that same character development in me.

But I’ll work on all that tomorrow. Today was a day to marvel at my children, but of course that stands to reason, because they’re the “best kids in the world!”

“Work hard so you can present yourself to God and receive his approval. Be a good worker, one who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly explains the word of truth.” (2 Timothy 2:15)