Nelson’s journal 6/28/22

Posted on June 25, 2023 by Margaret

In today’s entry, Nelson “dances around” the everyday question that’s front and center on his mind and then asks God about it.

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June 28, 2022

It’s an absolutely unreal time. There is no way it could have been predicted, just like lots of things these days.

It’s like, “Wow! Donald Trump is president.” to “Wow, they actually expect people to walk around with masks on their faces? That will never happen.” to, “Haha! I’m 49 and I just had a baby with the woman of my dreams.” and then all the way to…….. “I can’t believe we live 5 minutes from the Mayo clinic, and I’m getting treated for stage 4 lung cancer.”

There’s almost nothing that would shock me at this point. I can’t even imagine anything getting any crazier, in a way. Then again, I could imagine quite a bit, but I dare don’t even think about it.

Seems to be no limit to what might happen. I guess it’s always been that way, just something seemed to have been holding back. What do I know? I’m a man alive for a little while, but it sure seems weird lately, is all I’m saying.

Tonight Annso and I left Will with Linni [a sister who was visiting] and went to this gun shop, which was more like a guy’s garage, but that’s where the map led. I wanted to ask about shipping my Glock here, and it was one more reason why I’m glad we moved to Minnesota.

I never thought this would be a place I’d like to live. Never considered it for an instant, even though Luke probably invited me more times than Uncle Edward invited me to California. Actually, I like the 4 seasons better anyway. It’s more fitting for me to live and work in.

I’m glad we’re here. We looked at a couple duplexes, just walked around the outside and called a realtor. Who knows. Our apartment lease ends in November, but we want to start getting a feel for the market, in case we want to buy something eventually.

It could happen, and I don’t want to let another period of life slip by only at the end of it to say, “I wish I had bought a house when we first got here.”

God has given me more chances than I deserve, and it’s possible he might even give me one more this late in the game. He’s like that, and that’s who I know you to be, Lord. You gave me a baby and a girl who is devoted to me, so why wouldn’t you give me more time?

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“If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” (James 4:15)

Nelson’s journal 4/7/22

Posted on May 23, 2023 by Margaret

The ongoing struggle with newborn Will’s sleeping and eating is taking a toll on Nelson, and he finds himself getting impatient. He also acknowledges his “sickness” as being difficult enough to try to trim his busy YWAM schedule. But there are always things to be thankful for…

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April 7, 2022

Had a tough morning with Will trying to get him to eat, to sleep, to poop. He doesn’t really do those things so well. Lots of struggle on all counts. We hope it’s the milk or something Annso is eating, but maybe it’s God’s way of getting me back for all the resistance I gave him over the years. Time will tell.

Having a son is like I thought in some ways, but not in others. Rob told me it made his heart grow 3 sizes bigger. So far, in my only 3 weeks as a father, it’s made the evil and blackness in my heart more evident to me, how frustrated I get, and how easily I go there.

But God didn’t save us because we are good. He saved us because we suck. It’s probably time for a gratitude inventory. Some of the old AA stuff never gets old.

I’m thankful for all the rain we prayed for. Finally. Thank you for that Lord. I’m thankful for being able to see a specialist for my Thyroid. I’m thankful for my son Will and that you gave him to us through such a struggle.

Thank you for Annso, the best woman and human being on the planet. How did I get her? How does she love me? I guess I’ll never know. Thank you for John being back and for the staff we have here helping us run Hale Ola so we can pay attention to Will and I can lay a bit lower because of my sickness. Thank you for forgiveness and the ability to come to you over and over.

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“The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies Me.” (Psalm 50:23)

Nelson’s journal 3/11/22

Posted on May 7, 2023 by Margaret

Nelson defines “aggrandizement” and wonders, through his keyboard, how self-aggrandizement might be factoring into his life.

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March 11, 2022

I finally got around to filling out the survey for Jimmy’s internship at church. I was asked to rate this one: “Willingness to live as a servant without pursuit of personal aggrandizement.”

Aggrandizement: to increase the power, status, or wealth of…myself.

That’s actually a biblical axiom taught by Jesus in Matthew 6 and 7 about money and other things that can corrupt a person’s character. Jimmy’s school actually rates a person based on that.

When I look into my own heart and think about how I see money and the choices I make trying to go after a career, I have to at least check myself on that one. Does that describe me? I have to admit that personal aggrandizement is a motivator some of the time. Interesting to think about.

Luke 12:16: ”And (Jesus) told them this parable: The ground of a certain rich man yielded an abundant harvest. He thought to himself, ‘What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.’ Then he said, ‘This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store my surplus grain. And I’ll say to myself, You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.’

“But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’ This is how it will be with whoever stores up things for themselves but is not rich toward God.”

It’s almost like the guy was given the “abundant harvest” as a test. What would he do with it? He asked himself this question. We have his answer. And we have God’s response to this man. “You fool!”

What do I do when God rewards my work? What does it mean to be rich toward God?

Henri Nowen talks about traveling with nothing but the clothes on your back like a monk, so that you are truly reliant on God. Then he can use circumstances to steer your path, instead of us relying on our wealth and power.

We are waiting on Annso to give birth to our little baby boy. Mom is here. Ralph and Astrid (Ann Sophie’s parents) are not. Waiting is not that hard as long as I know everything is ok in there. It’s hard not to let the horror stories creep you out a little, when there is delay. The enemy works havoc on you in the waiting.