Category Archives: God’s character

Sneak Peek #13

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Excerpt from THRIVE AND SURVIVE, ZERO TO FIVE

Disciplining children can be the most difficult part of parenting, and parents don’t automatically know how best to handle infractions without overdoing or underdoing. It’s tricky to hit it just right, since each child is different and each “crime scene” is unique.

That doesn’t let mothers off the hook, though. The Bible is replete with examples of what happens when children are left to discipline themselves before they’re old enough to know how. And Scripture gives plenty of info on how to do it right. The old idea, “Spare the rod and spoil the child” actually originates with God (Proverbs 22:15). But even after we’ve nodded in agreement, we often find ourselves in blurry situations.

Both of us have learned through our mistakes that the best way to discipline is to let natural consequences do it for you. I (Mary) remember my first experience with this and how well it worked. Julia was barely two years old, playing in the bathtub one day, when she repeatedly grabbed a bar of pink soap from the built-in soap dish. She badly wanted to take a bite, and I knew she needed to learn soap wasn’t for eating.

“No-no,” I said again and again, taking the soap from her and putting it back. “Yucky. We don’t eat soap.”

With typical toddler persistence, she continued to reach for it, and I knew I’d have to press my point. Either I’d have to remove the soap, despite my wanting it to stay there, or I’d have to slap her hand, which I was reluctant to do. Without one of the two, our soap battle would continue indefinitely—that is, until I realized I had one more option. I could let her eat the soap.

Leaning back, I watched her grab it, take a bite, make a face, and put it back. She never reached for it again. Done.

SIDEBAR:  WHEN YOUR CHILD PUSHES YOUR HOT BUTTON

  • Take a deep breath.
  • Refuse the urge to react.
  • Pray quickly.
  • Keep a calm demeanor.
  • Isolate your child.
  • Leave the room if you must.
  • Use natural consequences if you can.

Sneak Peek #9

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Excerpt from THRIVE AND SURVIVE, ZERO TO FIVE

I (Mary) was blessed with three children in less than four years, and I took for granted that we could have more babies anytime we wanted. But the next pregnancy ended in miscarriage. And the one after that too. I wondered if three children were all we were meant to have.

Six years later, though, Andrew came along. This pregnancy threatened to miscarry also, but he finally arrived, safe and sound, and my joy knew no bounds. As I gazed at his freshly scrubbed newborn face, I was overcome with wonder at how this could be. I’d had two miscarriages followed by an endangered pregnancy, yet here he was, in my arms.

The everyday noises of the hospital environment faded into the background as I took in the wonder of this brand new child, a gift of incalculable worth. And at that moment Teacher-God taught me an important lesson I’ve not forgotten. Using my baby as His visual aid, He said, “Yes, you’re holding a miracle, but don’t get lost in the wonder of this particular baby.

“Every baby is a miracle. My miracle. Though your first three came easily, don’t ever forget that each child is a wonder.”

I’ve thought of that moment hundreds of times, learning to apply the lesson to each of my seven children. But that’s not all. God wanted me to see that He meant it for everyone else’s children too. No child is unwanted by Him, and every life is His miracle. Each one is equally valuable to Him, and He wanted me to view all children in that way.

 

SIDEBAR: PRINCIPLES TO PASS ALONG

  • Knowing and loving God trumps everything else.
  • God’s Word is life’s trustworthy guide book.
  • People are more important than things.
  • Children are gifts from God.
  • No one can out-give God.
  • Count your blessings every day.
  • Love without counting the cost.

Sneak Peek #7

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Excerpt from THRIVE AND SURVIVE, ZERO TO FIVE

Children born into the same family have different physical appearances, so why isn’t it obvious that their insides are different too? The desire of mothers to lump them together stems from a need to simplify very active lives.

Logic says that what was good for the first should be good for the second. But as moms study their newborns, it isn’t long before differences emerge. The first baby might have been fussy, the second content. The first wakeful, the second sleepy. The first vocal, the next quiet. And suddenly the mothering job gets harder, because what worked for one fails to work for the other.

That’s the way it is when God is in charge. He’s full of ideas and never runs out of ways to make people unique. We believe He puts divine thought into the creation of each person, plucking some characteristics from parents, some from grandparents, and some from out of nowhere. As He puts people together, it’s probable He does so with great pleasure.

It makes sense, then, that He hopes mothers will hunt for—and appreciate—the differences in the children He sends. No one knows your child better than you do. And if you’re able to slow down long enough to study him carefully, you’ll understand why he responds to you and others as he does.

Once you learn who he is at his core, you can effectively train up your child in the way he should go (Proverbs 22:6). In other words, you can nudge him in the direction God has already programmed him to shine. As you put thought and energy into how to do this, the Lord will bless you with practical ideas, since He faithfully reinforces those who follow His lead.

If you try to squeeze your square peg into a round hole, you’ll find you have to work twice as hard on your kids than a mom who simply goes along with God’s natural giftings within the child. Most adults have experienced the rich satisfaction of using their natural abilities. Rather than a drain, it’s rewarding and often fun.

Forcing ourselves to do something that doesn’t come naturally is both exhausting and frustrating. Children will make strong progress when cheered in the right direction, and God gives moms the coveted position of providing the approval and applause our children need to learn and grow.

SIDEBAR: WORDS THAT AFFIRM YOUR CHILD

  • You’re really good at that!
  • I like what you made.
  • You are very special to me.
  • Let’s play together, whatever you choose.
  • What careful work you do!
  • You are a gift from God.
  • Thank you for obeying quickly.
  • You’ve been a big help to me today.
  • I enjoy being with you.
  • I love you!