Category Archives: God’s plans for us

Nelson’s journal 6/17/22

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Scripture outlines the best way for people to live. Following God’s advice will guarantee satisfying, productive lives, but oh how difficult it can be to actually live that way.

In today’s journal entry, writing as a man with deadly cancer, Nelson tries to convince himself not to fear what hasn’t yet happened.

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June 17, 2022                     

“Been journaling a fair amount up here in Rochester [MN], our new home, since we arrived about a month ago. It’s been tough with all the pain and pain pills, to stay motivated to write and do academic stuff. Funny that the things you worry about seldom happen, and the ones you never think of, actually do.

Take my condition here. In years past I worried a fair amount about being gone from my extended family out in Hawaii or India or wherever I was traveling and missing things, thinking that maybe someday I’d regret it.

I thought maybe one day, when Mom gets sick or dies, that I’d wish I had been around. But believing I was called to be where I was, combined with Mom’s blessing on it, justified staying the course.

Then all of a sudden one day, in the ER in Kona, I was told “Cancer” by the doc as I was admitted for a 5 day stint. I bailed on the islands in record-breaking fashion and started living here in an apartment and even inviting Mom to live with us, and she’s been our roommate ever since.

Now she and I are spending time together, not mission-out on anything. The only thing is: we are not here because she’s sick, but it’s me instead. What I feared didn’t happen, but something else did, something I never thought about that brought about the same result, and even quicker.

Got the news May 10th, were on a flight the 15th, landed in MN the 16th, moved into our apartment the 17th. I had a MN driver’s license the 18th.

I feared all my partying might catch up to my health, but the cancer I have isn’t connected with smoking or exposure to chemicals, they tell me.

Worry for tomorrow is always a threat and constant battle, but it’s usually so misdirected and incorrect.

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“The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” (Proverbs 29:25)

Nelson’s journal 6/6/22

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It’s been three weeks since Nelson last journaled, 21 days of unexpected change and increasing pain.

He, with Ann Sophie and baby Will, made the quick decision to leave YWAM open-endedly in order to pursue medical care for Nelson. Cousin Luke convinced them to move to Rochester, Minnesota, 80 miles from his home, to be treated at the Mayo Clinic.

On May 16, after packing two suitcases with clothes but taking nothing else, they left their Kona apartment and everything in it, as well as their jobs, their cars, and their history there. The destination was Luke’s house where he generously told them they could stay as long as they wanted.

 

I drove north from Michigan on that same day, meeting them at the Minneapolis airport with Luke. Their planned future had been erased, and whatever was going to replace it was unknown…all of it.

Job one was to find a place to live that was near Mayo’s. Nelson had looked at apartments on his laptop from his Kona hospital bed. 

So we started there, and secured a small two-bedroom apartment to call home—with literally nothing in it. 

 

 

 

 

But Luke came to our rescue yet again, providing multiple pieces of stored furniture he said he didn’t need. We were immensely grateful.

During these three weeks, Mayo was doing a thorough analysis of Nelson’s health. We learned it wasn’t lymphoma after all but was far worse: stage 4 lung cancer. Nelson was meeting with doctors and scan techs every day, giving blood and receiving a measure of breathing relief by having his lung drained repeatedly.

Even still, he’d suffered three more panic attacks, unable to get enough air. Each resulted in a rush to the ER, the last one requiring hospitalization.

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June 6, 2022 

Sitting in this hospital room for the second night trying to get a handle on the vomiting and pain caused by opiates and fluid in my lungs. They’ll put a stint in tomorrow morning so I can drain it on my own.

Lots of panic in the night time. Hard to keep my mind through it all. Been at the breaking point many times, hanging over the toilet and trash cans. It’s so painful and scary, but I know God is here somehow. =\]

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”The Lord himself will be with you. He will never leave you.” (Deuteronomy 31:8)

Nelson’s journal 5/15/22

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As the dreadful reality of cancer sinks in, Nelson weighs his options and gets some counsel from a close cousin, Luke, who lives in Minnesota.

Ann Sophie struggles to make her own adjustments at the apartment, 20 minutes from the hospital, while tending to a month-old baby. Thankfully her midwife/friend was with her when Nelson called with the awful diagnosis.

The next day Ann Sophie called me, and when she said the word “cancer,” we wept together over the phone.

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May 15, 2022 

I’m at the hospital for the 4th night now. Last time I was admitted here was in 2003 when I was almost killed in that scooter wreck with Andrew. We were so reckless, and God was so kind. This time, I might be here because I was reckless too, but not recently.

Maybe the mass in my lungs is from smoking or any number of other things that could give you lung cancer. It’s pretty much what I have. You never think it will happen to you, even though you have a chest pain once in a while and think of worse-case-scenarios like that.

Then all of a sudden a doc calls me on the phone after looking at a scan and tells me, “We found a mass next to your heart and nodules without number in your lungs. Looks like general lymphoma.”

More tests and lots of coughing later, I’m here after having 1.3 liters of fluid drained from my right lung alone in a hospital bed. I’m enjoying the buzz of a couple pain pills as I stay here for the last night, hopefully.

It’s Annso’s birthday tomorrow, so I would like to be there for that if possible. She has been by to see me every day so far. Thank God she’s willing to do what she has to do to get in to be with me. It would be super lonely otherwise.

 

 

Last night I had this panic attack, because I felt I couldn’t get enough air. Even just sitting here, I was out of breath, and I was on oxygen. Luke offered to help us get into the Mayo Clinic if we want that, and we took him up on it, considering this island is so hard to make things happen on.

When it’s a dryer you have on order that takes 12 weeks to get here, and once it comes in, they don’t even call to tell you it’s in, you can laugh about it. But when it’s your cancer scan results and they don’t bother sending them to the other doc or just loose them all together, it’s hard to stick around and trust them with your life when there are other options.

I’m thankful, Lord for Luke and his generosity, for BBC and theirs [Brentwood Bible Church], and for a total change of plans. For everything. Not what I would have wanted, but you can use it. I wonder how it will be—like Papa? Or will I get better, at least for a little while?

NO one knows.

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“Every day of my life was recorded in your book…before a single day had passed.” (Psalm 139:16)