As Good as New

Back in 1974, Nate and I took out a loan to fix my faulty teeth. Having just had our first child with a second on the way, we fell far short of the extra thousands needed for 4 root canals, their accompanying crowns, and a bridge.

Great teeth

Nate was fortunate to have inherited a good set of choppers, not even needing braces to straighten them. My teeth were a different story, a continual challenge with my first abscess and the related extraction while I was still in high school.

Our ‘70’s dentist was a good one, though, and his work lasted nearly 4 decades. As my new Michigan dentist said today, “You got your money’s worth.” I was visiting him to see what could be done about another split tooth whose crown had fallen off.

These days I seem to be in Dental Repair Phase #2, with a steady string of obligatory re-do’s. There is a silver lining to all this renovation, however. The last 4 decades have seen all kinds of developments in the dental industry, and as my dentist replaces yesterday’s old with today’s new, my teeth are gradually beginning to resemble Nate’s, morphing from greyish metal fillings and gold crowns to pearly whites that look like they’d never known a drill.

Maybe...

Back in 1974, I figured with all the work I needed that by my mid-60’s where I am now, I’d be sporting a full set of false teeth. But today my dentist assured me that won’t happen. And although my mouth is falling apart right now, by the time I hit 70 it may look and feel like the mouth in this picture.

Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. Actually that seems to be the rule. For example, as a praying mom I’ve learned not to box God in by asking him to meet my expectations of how and when he will answer. I know he hears my requests and am sure he’ll work out the answers, but it never fails that things seem to get worse before they improve.

That used to frustrate me and make me wonder if there was a better way to ask for God’s help. But he reminded me of something that spoke to the dilemma: surgeons use scalpels to help patients heal. In other words, they have to cause new hurts to fix the old ones. Dentists work that way, too, and I think God brings the answers to our prayers similarly.

If that’s true, after we ask him to get involved and then watch in shock as things fall apart, we ought to inwardly be rejoicing, because at that point his “fix” can’t be far away.

As I left the dental office today, it wasn’t all bad news. They helped me sell my old crown to a gold-buying guy, who gave me just enough to take a friend to lunch.

“Though you, God, have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again. As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.” (Psalm 71:20)

Broken

This morning it was a double-whammy. The heart pendant had been my Mom’s, and the gold chain had been Aunt Joyce’s. When Birgitta, Emerald, and I arrived at church, I hadn’t noticed that the necklace had slipped off. Even after today’s communion service, while brushing bread crumbs off my sweater, the necklace hadn’t crossed my mind. But when we arrived back at the car, the gold chain was hanging out of the car door, its crystal heart missing, and I remembered.

Aunt Joyce's chain

I got down on my knees to inspect the parking lot pavement under the car, behind the tires, under neighboring cars. Surely I’d find this pendant that was larger than a quarter and sparkling with flashes of light, but even back home there was no sign of it.

Mid-afternoon we decided to take a group walk with the dog, and that’s when we spotted it, on the way to the back yard to get Jack. Broken in two places, my lovely crystal heart was, indeed, sparkling in the sun, but sadly it was no longer wearable.

Broken heart

Life is full of unexpected disappointments. This one was small compared to many but was definitely an oh-bummer moment. What if the pendant had fallen to the floor one step earlier? It would have hit the soft back-door rug instead of concrete. Or, if it had slipped down just one moment later, it would have landed on the car floor mat. But it fell on that one particular footstep, which ruined it.

Isn’t that the way with many life events? After they happen, we play the what-if game, inwardly longing for a different outcome than the one we got. When we’re through with that, we move to passionate wishing by way of if-onlys, setting up scenarios of how it could have gone better than it did.

What’s wrong with thinking that way?

Several things, the first of which is that no amount of hindsight can rearrange what’s already happened. Second, focusing on what-ifs and if-onlys leads us to repeated feelings of regret and sadness. Third, getting stuck in what-might-have-been often eliminates future opportunities. And lastly, if we’ve given God charge of our lives, could it be that those things we wish hadn’t happened are the very things God wanted us to experience? And if that’s true, then shouldn’t we bear them willingly?

But that’s a tall order when it comes to accepting life’s bigger losses, whether it’s a career, a bank account, a home, a friendship, or worst of all, a person we love. But instead of what-ifs and if-onlys, the Lord wants us to consider thinking “as-is.” If he’s the one behind the events of our lives, accepting them as they are while asking him what to do next will lead to a far more satisfying result.

As for my damaged necklace, I think I’ll keep it…. as is. Even a broken crystal pendant sparkles beautifully.

“Let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him.” (1 Corinthians 7:17)

Who?

Nate and I were privileged to have 7 children. These 4 sons and 3 daughters are second only to God in the ranking of blessings in our lives. We also lost one child to miscarriage at 11 weeks, but I think often of this 8th child, wondering who he or she was.

Three daughtersFour sons

 

 

 

 

I remember the day we announced to our then-six children that someone new was joining our family.

TreasureI wrote clues and taped them to the underside of each dinner plate in a mini-treasure hunt. After we’d eaten, they read them, oldest to youngest, ending with the news of baby-treasure.

I believe this tiny baby, less than 2” long at the time of his or her death, was already as fully a person as our other 7. The hair and eye color had been established, along with his or her personality and temperament. The DNA was complete, and by God’s breath, an eternal soul had, I believe, been placed within him or her.

Some people would find those statements ludicrous, but knowing God as I do and believing his Word to be an accurate representation of who he is, I know they’re true. One day I’ll receive answers to my questions about #8 and will, beyond that, get to have a vibrant relationship with him or her. It’s a lovely, satisfying thought.

I’ve always been impressed with how different each of our children is from the others, despite being members of the same family. They’re all Nymans, sharing a certain family resemblance, but as in every family, no two are alike, a credit to the Lord’s bottomless creativity. As each one came along, my question for God was always, “Who else might be coming?”

Whoever he wanted to send, we wanted to meet. And get to know.

10 week feet

Maybe that’s why my thoughts of #8 are sometimes frustrating. I know virtually nothing about this person other than that he or she was a Nyman due to be born in late October, 1989. I’ve missed him or her for 23 years. But God’s choice was that we not parent this one, and I trust him enough to know his reasons were good ones.

Besides, he hasn’t completely eliminated my relationship with #8, only postponed it for a while. For Nate that postponement has ended, and sometimes I picture Jesus introducing the two of them. Although God has told us our heavenly relationships won’t be parent-child or husband-wife, he has also let us know we’ll share a depth of relationship with one another that will be more meaningful than anything earthly life has to offer.

And now, as the next generation is coming forth, I’m thrilled to see God’s continuing handiwork as he creates one unique individual after another, each one a wonder.

“You, our Lord and God… created all things, and by your will they existed and were created.” (Revelation 4:11)