Category Archives: God’s plans for us

Sneak Peek #15

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Excerpt from THRIVE AND SURVIVE, ZERO TO FIVE

Comparing kids as you decide which classes, teams, or activities to register for can yield a helpful list of reasons why or why not. Second-borns, for instance, almost always follow a path different from their firstborn siblings. A wise mother understands this and doesn’t attempt to make one childhood identical to another. If she insists on uniformity, at least one of her children isn’t being accepted for who he really is.

Studying your children can be a complicated business. After noticing their different leanings, moms automatically compare them to each other. But remind yourself often that from God’s perspective, each stands alone and no talent or gift makes one child superior to another. Even what appears to be a weakness can change into a strength in His hands.

One other caution: since logic says you’ll view your children through your own innate talents, it’s important not to elevate one child over another just because his bent matches yours. Though you may relate more naturally to that youngster, be careful you don’t favor him without realizing it. Both the favored and the unfavored will eventually pick up on it, and the result will be anger and resentment–toward you and the sibling.

Ephesians 6:4 says, “Do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them” (NLT). In other words, if you treat them incorrectly, anger will be the inevitable result. The last half of the verse describes how to treat them well. “Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.”

As you learn all you can about how each of your children is wired, what different instructions do you think God has attached to them? Ask yourself, which activities would work best for her? What encouragement from you will validate the way she was made? What approach will partner with what God is already doing in her life? Raising children is a difficult job, and doing it one by one makes it more so. But your frustrations will be less and disappointments fewer if you follow God’s lead.

SIDEBAR: RESULTS OF COMPARING

  • Feelings of inferiority
  • Unnecessary jealousy
  • Deep emotional wounds
  • A sense of being unloved
  • Extra stress in mommy
  • Denial of natural bents
  • Aggression between children

Sneak Peek #13

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Excerpt from THRIVE AND SURVIVE, ZERO TO FIVE

Disciplining children can be the most difficult part of parenting, and parents don’t automatically know how best to handle infractions without overdoing or underdoing. It’s tricky to hit it just right, since each child is different and each “crime scene” is unique.

That doesn’t let mothers off the hook, though. The Bible is replete with examples of what happens when children are left to discipline themselves before they’re old enough to know how. And Scripture gives plenty of info on how to do it right. The old idea, “Spare the rod and spoil the child” actually originates with God (Proverbs 22:15). But even after we’ve nodded in agreement, we often find ourselves in blurry situations.

Both of us have learned through our mistakes that the best way to discipline is to let natural consequences do it for you. I (Mary) remember my first experience with this and how well it worked. Julia was barely two years old, playing in the bathtub one day, when she repeatedly grabbed a bar of pink soap from the built-in soap dish. She badly wanted to take a bite, and I knew she needed to learn soap wasn’t for eating.

“No-no,” I said again and again, taking the soap from her and putting it back. “Yucky. We don’t eat soap.”

With typical toddler persistence, she continued to reach for it, and I knew I’d have to press my point. Either I’d have to remove the soap, despite my wanting it to stay there, or I’d have to slap her hand, which I was reluctant to do. Without one of the two, our soap battle would continue indefinitely—that is, until I realized I had one more option. I could let her eat the soap.

Leaning back, I watched her grab it, take a bite, make a face, and put it back. She never reached for it again. Done.

SIDEBAR:  WHEN YOUR CHILD PUSHES YOUR HOT BUTTON

  • Take a deep breath.
  • Refuse the urge to react.
  • Pray quickly.
  • Keep a calm demeanor.
  • Isolate your child.
  • Leave the room if you must.
  • Use natural consequences if you can.

Sneak Peek #12

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Excerpt from THRIVE AND SURVIVE, ZERO TO FIVE

When I (Margaret) had all seven children at home, I continually failed to have private devotional time with God. I tried meeting with Him after all the kids were in bed at night, but that only resulted in me falling asleep too. I tried the early-morning thing, but it never failed that one of the children would wake earlier than usual and need me.

I tried naptimes, but babies don’t coordinate their sleeping habits with toddlers, and getting them all unconscious at the same time didn’t happen often. Besides, if I used naptime for my devotions, when was I to catch up on all that had been left undone during the morning? Still, I knew I needed God’s steady stream of advice if I wanted to be a good mother.

Meeting less and less with the Lord, I began playing out the dilemma in my mind. The Lord loved children, sending each one as a special gift. But He also wanted to meet with me. I worried about keeping Him waiting while I continually tried to get to Him without success.

Then one day my heart heard from God. “I can meet with you smack dab in the middle of your crowded days.”

He filled my mind with biblical examples. “Didn’t I meet with Peter out in a boat? And didn’t I counsel my disciples at the beach? Don’t you remember how I chatted with Zacchaeus in a tree and taught two men on a long walk? I’ve had meaningful meetings with people in gardens, on mountainsides, during dinners, in courtrooms, on roadsides, and in cemeteries. Can’t you and I talk like that?”

I felt as if I’d had a devotional aha moment, and my heart surged with hope for success at learning from the Lord. Maybe He would talk with me as I peeled carrots or calm my spirit while I folded laundry. Maybe He’d instruct me as the kids and I raked leaves or shoveled snow. And if I was watching for Him, He might minister to me in the middle of the night as I fed a baby or rocked a feverish child.

SIDEBAR: HOW TO FIND TIME FOR GOD

  • Restrict time on social media.
  • Watch for small pockets of peace to connect with God.
  • Ditch the idea of a perfect quiet time.
  • Know that God doesn’t hold it against you if you can’t meet with Him.
  • Believe that quick “arrow prayers” have power.
  • Worship through hymns and choruses.
  • Tune in to Christian radio.
  • Keep trying.