Nelson’s journal 5/10/22

Posted on June 12, 2023 by Margaret

On this date, Nelson is journaling on his laptop from a hospital bed. His pain and breathing issues had escalated rapidly, resulting in two separate trips to the ER.

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May 10, 2022

Today is day 2 at the hospital, my second time coming in to the ER because the pain and coughing were so severe. Annso pretty much insisted I do it. I went to campus and taught the Korean Foundation School, then came home, ate a nice salad with her and came up here [to the hospital].

Once I was here, there was this really young doctor who zeroed right in on fluid in the lungs. Once I told him I was coughing so hard at night and that I was so out of breath, he ran and got a mini-ultrasound machine and found fluid in my heart cavity and lungs.

That led them to do tons of tests, including a CT scan showing a tumor or growth in my neck and a few lymph nodes in the lungs, about 11 cm at the biggest. All of a sudden the fluid makes sense, the cough, and none of it has to do with the Thyroid, which is what everyone has been looking at.

At this point the admitting doc calls me on the phone and tells me–she really thinks it’s cancer. So does the tech who does these scans all the time. They will test more tomorrow, including a full body CT scan to see what else is going on. Maybe there are things growing in other places, not that these places aren’t severe enough.

When she told me that, I could hardly believe it, but at the same time, I could. All the intense pain and coughing now add up. I even said a couple times, “If I was told I had stage 3 lung cancer, I would believe it, because it feels like I think that would feel.”

It’s yet to be confirmed, and I would love for her to be wrong, but everyone is praying and it seems a likely scenario. Lots of things come into perspective all of a sudden, but I’m trying not to go worse-case-scenario right away.

I think of what happened to Papa and wonder, “Will I be alive this time next year? Will I be alive at Christmas? Will I be alive still even in August?” Unknown for all of us, but especially me. I don’t know anything. But the people I worry about the most are Annso and Will. What will they do? How hard for them will it be?

I would have the easier situation, and they’d be left to pick up the pieces. How terrible. How terrible for her to be turned into a single Mom so soon after our answer to prayer and miracle baby. I don’t even want to ask WHY. Doesn’t matter, and no answer will come to that one anyway.

I just think of those who went before me and how they did it. Hopefully it doesn’t come to that and I can beat it, whatever “it” is.

God, help me to know what to do now, to be the best man to Annso, strong and optimistic, someone she can rely on and who knows what to do, the one who may not know, but who knows who to trust.

I pray for strength. I pray for healing, for a miracle, for different results on tomorrow’s test, for there to even be a mistake somehow. Thank you for getting Annso in here [hospital] today. That was a miracle [because of strict Covid rules]. I pray she gets in tomorrow too. I pray for supernatural strength for her too.

What will happen to us? To me? To Will? Tomorrow will worry about itself. Amen.

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“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:34)

Nelson’s journal 4/13/22

Posted on May 27, 2023 by Margaret

As time passes, change always comes, and Nelson is analyzing where he and his little family stand with the changes now happening—with his pastorate, his health, and his baby’s discontent. He’s also making plans for their future, trying to hear God’s counsel accurately. Over it all hangs a dark cloud of poor health for him, though doctors have assured him it’s just a thyroid malfunction that will eventually disappear.

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April 13, 2022

Derek sat at our table yesterday and told me to read the gospels with the perspective of authority. How much did Jesus submit to what the authorities said in his time? When the government says you can’t sing in church, do you obey that?

How would Jesus and Paul have responded to that command in their day? The ones who were jailed and killed for disobeying the rules of the day? What would they have done? So I started in Matthew today. I am to the point where Jesus was tempted in chapter 4.

I got up with Will to maybe feed him and put him back to bed, but I swaddled him without the food and he went right back. It’s funny how flailing arms keep him up and running. Thank you for that, Lord.

On another topic, I am not an inclusive person and I don’t tend to want a lot of staff around me, people to motivate, referee, and manage. People who have been in YWAM long enough to not take instruction anymore. Maybe I’m one of them.

I don’t go to meetings I probably should attend, but I do have a 1 month old baby who needs me, so I use that as a pass for now. Our last service at Little Red is this Sunday’s Easter service. Most of the Kokua Crew will go at 6am. The last hurrah.

I told Tim I wasn’t going to be an electrician anymore. He was super cool about it. I dreaded that conversation, but it was just a simple text.

My Thyroid issue is pretty steady and bad. Sometimes i think it’s improving. Then It’s like now, and I can hardly motivate myself to do a simple thing. Annso is at small group right now, and I’m watching Will. He’s a tough little guy, but he’s sleeping, which makes my life easier while she’s gone.

I hope the Thyroid clears up, because apparently it was a blast of the hormone that brought on an attack or something. I don’t need meds or an operation to straighten it out. I pray that, Lord. You can do anything. Sometimes I imagine being like I was before, no pain, no fatigue, being able to run and swim again, feeling good with energy. It would be amazing, and I wouldn’t take my health for granted again.

It’s easy to somehow take credit for things like money or health when you have them, but when they’re gone, you realize you’re a fragile little man walking the earth for a short time, and not many of the things we focus on matter, and lots of what we take for granted or don’t pay attention to, does matter.

What matters? The way we treat people, whether we love them, how much time we spend, not how much money we make or how seriously people take us. It’s hard not to get caught up in that stuff and miss the main stuff, but we can try.

My season as a pastor is over for now. God, you are merciful the way you went about it. The time at Little Red was so unique. It never turned into anything big or multiplied, but we did our best.

I’m so thankful for the Summer to leave the island and travel and camp out across the country like we are planning. I’m thankful for Annso, who wants to do it, and a little guy who we can take along. Our first family vacation. I couldn’t be more stoked for the time. We’re looking at 13 weeks.

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“If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” (James 4:15)

Nelson’s journal 4/1-2/22

Posted on May 15, 2023 by Margaret

Always looking forward, Nelson tries to tackle a couple of issues that are still up in the air. They’ve decided to leave Hawaii and their ministry for the summer but need a couple to step in for them with their Kokua Crew. It’s a big job, and not too many people want to take it on. The whole thing is complicated by continuing Covid rules and restrictions in Hawaii.

Then there’s the trip to meet the extended family in Kentucky around the 4^th of July, to visit the Ark Encounter as a group of 28. Should it be a flight? A car rental? Or a motor home from the West Coast to the Midwest?

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April 1, 2022

Everything I hear about this so called Pandemic and how it’s going to be handled in the future it terrifying, and I keep telling myself that we are on the way out and hopefully things will stay somewhat “normal” from now on. Somehow, I know it’s not true. We are in for a real ordeal I think.

I sit here after a night awake with our little man. He’s eating a lot now, and he’s healthy and doing super good. I think he’s like me, restless and ready for non-stop action. I hope we can handle him. Haha.

April 2, 2022

What season is it? This week’s sermon is about knowing what time it is. What is God saying? Is there a prophetic voice to listen to? What should we be gathering? Or what should we be casting away?

Ann Sophie and I have all these cars and mopeds. We don’t have property. Possessions can help you, but they can tie you down. We insure the cars, pay for fuel. It’s fun, but maybe it’s time to thin the herd a little.

Bates [Klaus] left Hawaii yesterday. I am trying to think of someone to run Hale Ola while we’re gone this Summer. We offered it to a few folks, but now we have no one. Is there anyone else, Lord? Who else could run this thing?

I feel the Kokua Crew are the ones to think about here. You put together the staff teams, Lord, and I know you bring the participants. You have done it over and over, and I know you will do it this time, too.

I pray for the right people to run the place over the Summer while we are gone, and for us to get the best Toyota motor home for our trip that we can, with the money we have. I am grateful for the idea in the first place.

We have always dreamed of going across America in a motor home, and it seems like our trip of choice. Thank you for making it possible. Help me decide if it’s better to get the motor home in advance or just to buy it on the way. You know all things, and we are thankful for your leading.

Thank you that Bob is willing to lead the Easter Sunrise Service as we pass the church off to the next group. Thank you for allowing us to be there for this length of time. Thank you that we are not going to be the ones to close it after all, but that, in your grace and mercy, you have given us the chance to pass it off to other believers.

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“The Lord, he is the One who goes before you…” (Deuteronomy 31:8)