Category Archives: God’s plans for us

Psalm of Surrender

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We all know the familiar Scripture passage from the Book of Job that’s been repeated so often people think it’s folklore: “The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away.”

This verse is Job’s response to unspeakable loss: his ten children, his herds, his home, his employees and his health, all gone in just a few minutes. The loss of life alone was enough to overwhelm even the strongest believer in God.

The Lord still gives and takes away today. He took Nate from us but then gave us Micah, Evelyn and Thomas. He took our house in a sale that was necessary but then gave us the Michigan cottage full time. He took everything from Job but then gave it all back later.

That, however, isn’t always how it works.

Sometimes God takes from us in multiples (as he did from Job) but doesn’t give anything back. It’s never without good reason, but when we’re in a loss-phase that makes no sense, we plead with God to make it end.

Our family refers to the year 2005 as “the year of death” because of the six precious family members we lost in eight months. In January we traveled to California for the memorial service of my Dad’s brother, Uncle Edward. In mid-March, three died on the same weekend, one only 23 years old: my Aunt Joyce who mentored me, my cousin’s daughter Amy in a hit-and-run accident, and my mom’s brother, Uncle Jack. Two weeks later, on April 5, Mom died, and that summer my brother’s father-in-law also passed away. We wondered, “Who’s next?”

None of us could explain it then, nor can we now. But the alternatives are either to surrender to the mystery of what God is doing or trust in our own short-sightedness.

Sometimes the Lord asks us to undergo losses less significant than death but nevertheless important: a job, a house, a friendship, a boyfriend, money. My own family members experienced multiple losses in 2008-2009, even before Nate had cancer. One day during my prayer time I had nothing to say to God, no questions, no praises, no thank you’s.

As I sat completely depleted, not knowing what to do, he put a thought into my mind: “Write Me a Psalm.”

I wasn’t sure if it was my crazy idea or God’s good one. After looking at a few of the biblical Psalms, I realized many of them were written about losses: of reputation, health, friendships, power, safety, homes, physical strength and more. Although the Psalms were Spirit-inspired, if I wrote one it would be un-inspired. Still, I knew I could write something from my heart.

The biblical psalmist often began by detailing his burden of loss, but then ended with a personal surrender to God. I decided to follow that model and hoped my words would honor the Lord. And since the Book of Psalms is described as poetry, I also decided to use rhyme.

Tomorrow I’ll post my un-inspired but very sincere “Psalm of Surrender.”

“The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” (Job 1:21)

Funny face

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All of us have visited festivals or theme parks where street artists are sketching faces for money. Most often the drawings aren’t true to the person but are caricatures bearing similarities with exaggerated differences. The artists are quite good and most likely can draw faces accurately, but what makes it fun is producing pictures in which one facial detail is highlighted and drawn larger-than-life.

The artist first studies the face he’ll draw, looking for a dominant feature. Maybe it’s a turned up nose or freckles or heavy eyebrows. Then he creates a picture around that feature. Passers-by enjoy watching the face come to life on paper, chuckling as the artist reveals through charcoal or chalk what facial characteristic he’ll overstate.

The one being drawn nervously awaits the end result, knowing he or she will be paying for something that resembles their reflection in a fun-house mirror.

When I was in 7th grade, my family went on vacation, and my face was caricaturized. Although signing up for one of these drawings is risky and the end result often insulting, this artist was kind. I didn’t get a nose and my freckles were pronounced, but “Davo” gave me bright blue eyes and a lovely ponytail.

When Nate was a young lawyer in Chicago’s Loop, an acquaintance was practicing his cartooning and asked if he could draw a caricature of Nate. He, too, was kind, making Nate look like Robert Redford in an action movie. He gave him the jaw line of Superman and the heavy hair of a Kennedy, and we had the picture framed and hung for many years.

To me, the most interesting part of an artist’s caricature is the moment just before he puts chalk to paper when he’s studying the face in front of him to decide what feature(s) he’ll amplify. It reminds me of how we often see ourselves. We exaggerate certain features in our minds and think other people are judging us as a caricature rather than accepting the real us.

The other side of that dilemma is our looking at someone else and judging them unfairly based on one physical feature or even just one facet of their personality. I’m disgusted to say I sometimes do this, and I know God is highly displeased when I do.

What if the Lord looked at me that way? What if he said, “Margaret, you missed a chance to help your friend today; therefore you are a lazy, self-centered bum who never lifts a finger to help anyone. That’s how I see you.”

When I fall short, God may put me in a disciplinary situation but he is always and forever the God of new beginnings. Although he’s the one person who judges with complete accuracy 100% of the time, he sees me through the perfection of Jesus Christ and sets judgment aside because of that.

An artist creating a caricature looks at me with the desire to transform my face with humorous characteristics. God looks with a desire to transform me into a person of improved character. There’s a big difference.

Although an artist’s caricature-drawing is good for a few laughs, God’s character-building is serious improvement, good for all eternity.

“May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation—the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ.” (Philippians 1:11)

Home Improvement – Part X (conclusion)

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As I left our house for the last time on moving day, God let me hear him and sense his presence right next to me in a powerful way.  He aborted a meltdown and energized me to leave our home on a cheery note. Even better, he rejuvenated my faith in him.

But the good stuff didn’t end there. God gave me a “double-dip” and let me “see” him twice in relation to the house sale. During the four years of trying to sell, we’d been on a roller coaster of irritation and uncertainty, wondering when the torment would end. Had we misheard God? Had we usurped his leadership? Why wouldn’t he bring the one buyer we needed?

In 2004 when we first put our home on the market, our plan was to downsize locally by buying a small townhouse. Birgitta hadn’t started high school and wanted to attend where her siblings had gone, so we planned to stay there four years and then put the townhouse on the market. Nate didn’t have spine problems then, and of course lethal cancer hadn’t crossed our minds.

By the time the house finally sold, Birgitta had traveled through all four years of high school, and the reason for buying a town home had evaporated. It was as if God structured the delay to save us from having to sell yet another piece of real estate in order to move to Michigan. So, the same four years we viewed as major setbacks were actually stepping stones toward our heart’s desire, which was to live full-time on the other side of the lake. And in this realization, I sensed God’s active presence again.

We had longed to move to a place of peace and solitude, especially after Nate’s back began troubling him, and the cottage offered that setting. God facilitated skipping the “middle-man” house and got us settled at our Michigan address just before the cancer became known. The work of moving and unpacking had been completed, and because of the house sale, our finances had been stabilized. If there is such a thing as being prepared for a crisis, we were.

I’ll never forget a conversation Nate and I had about two weeks into his six weeks of cancer. Although the discussion was punctuated with pain, he spoke with a deep peace in his voice. “I see now why God made us wait four years to sell the house. He saw all of this [cancer] and wanted to get us to Michigan right away. I also see that when I’m gone, you’ll be living here, where you love to be.”

Although I was crying, he wasn’t. He “got it,” and all his anger and frustration over not being able to sell the house had evaporated. He was glad to be where we were then, and I’m glad to be living where I am today.

In the process of our house changing hands, I had the thrill of sensing God’s presence twice, but Nate has outdone that. In the one move he didn’t plan, from Michigan to heaven, he didn’t just sense God’s presence but relocated into his actual presence! And I know he’s really glad to be where he is today.

“You have made known to me the paths of life; you will make me full of gladness with your presence.” (Acts 2:28)