Category Archives: God’s plans for us

Showers of blessing

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As Nate and I came down the stairs this morning in tandem as we always do (me first to cushion any falls), a fire was already burning in the fireplace. We’d had our first freeze last night, and the upstairs held a chill, so the fire was especially warming. A bin full of split wood was at the ready. The coffee was brewed and waiting for us.

When I went into the bathroom, yesterday’s wet, used towels had been replaced with clean ones. Folded laundry was piled high in a living room chair. Last night’s dishes, left to dry in the sink drainer (no dishwasher), had been put away. Our circle of chairs in the living room, one for each family member, was ready for today’s meals. Pastries from the bakery sat on the kitchen counter.

Today’s newspapers, Nate’s great pleasure, were waiting next to his lazy-boy chair, and the dog had already been walked. Our car had been filled with gas and was ready for our next trip into Chicago.

All of this is the work of our grown children. These days, even before we mention what is needed, they’ve spotted it and provided. Their behavior reminds me of the Scripture verse that says even before we ask, God knows what we need. (Matthew 6:8)

In recent days our kids have changed the oil in the car, run endless errands including all the grocery shopping for a crowd, and organized prayer times together. They’ve made sure all the plants that might freeze were brought into the house, washing the pots first. They’ve put together (and cleaned up) countless meals. They are solicitous of our welfare to the smallest detail, and are trouble-shooting in every category. They are showering us with blessing.

As Nate has become needy and I right along with him, we’ve flip-flopped roles with our kids. They are now the givers, and we are the receivers. Both of us are bowled over by their consistent efforts to help without taking any credit. I believe they are allowing themselves to be used as part of God’s gracious provision for us and also for each other during these days of raw emotion and painful reality. Each one has set aside a busy life as if that wasn’t stress enough, to come and hang out with us. They’ve made themselves available to work, talk, sit in silence or just be under the same roof. And all of this is taking place while they are hurting, too.

During the last 19 days, each of us has been wrenched from a familiar routine and flung into the foreign land of terminal cancer. We entered this new world kicking and screaming but have been surprised by the unnumbered blessings that have come along with us.

When in recent years have all of us been together without an agenda? There has always been a program to follow: Christmas dinners and traditions, birthday celebrations and gifts, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, the 4thof July picnic, you name it. Every family gathering follows a prescribed script from beginning to end. This time, there is no script. There are definitely gifts, but no one has had to shop or pay for them. They are words, deeds, time spent, prayers prayed.

We are living under a shower of blessing. It’s a strange time, seemingly unreal. It’s almost as if this drama is happening to some other family. In moments of the day we forget, ever so briefly, that our father/husband has been given a death sentence. And then it comes rushing back to us, bringing nausea, weakness and sadness. Yet none of us can deny that each day has its plus signs.

Today, for example, our niece Julia, her husband Drew, and their three children arrived on our door step with the intention of praying over Nate and for all of us. We didn’t serve coffee or eat cookies. We simply sat in a circle, holding hands, and prayed (and cried). The children were casually sprawled on the floor inside our circle, part of the whole event. God Almighty was in the circle, too, powerfully doing his unmistakable work inside each of us. Had Nate not been seriously ill, this extraordinary get-together would not have occurred. We were under a shower of blessing.

As the old hymn says:

There shall be showers of blessing: 22

This is the promise of love;

There shall be seasons refreshing,

Sent from the Savior above.

Showers of blessing,

Showers of blessing we need:

Mercy drops round us are falling,

But for the showers we plead.


It’s raining.

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Today as we headed for radiation #9, Klaus was at the wheel. Torrents of rain accompanied us the entire 80 miles, but I was able to relax in the back seat for a change.

Earlier in the morning, as Nate and I gradually came awake, we did our daily weather check by looking out the bedroom windows. Six tall, narrow windows make up our headboard, and while still lying down, we can look up through the leaves to the sky, as if we were sleeping in a tree fort.

“Looks like more rain,” Nate said. We could hear the pitter patter (pound and splatter) on the roof. As we lay there holding hands and listening to the rain, Nate quietly said, “The rain falls on the just and the unjust.” (Matthew 5:45)

I didn’t respond, waiting for his further thoughts. Finally, when he did speak, I could tell he’d been asking the “why question.”

“The reason I got cancer doesn’t really matter. It’s God’s will, and he knows best.” Although I felt my tears beginning to sting again, he seemed stoic and calm. His statement might have been an important turning point in his thinking.

Those quiet early morning moments wedged between nourishing sleep and tiring medical activity are becoming more valuable every day. Nate’s stamina decreases after each radiation treatment, and life has developed into a tightrope walk between too much pain and too much sleep.

I’m thankful for two on-line mentors who have repeatedly told me, “Cherish every conscious minute before he wants to sleep all the time.” These women, whom I’ve known for years, have not only been through terminal cancer with their husbands, they’ve been through pancreatic cancer with them.

In the last 24 hours, Nate has been awake for only five of them. The sleepy days these women have described are almost here.

After our radiation appointment, as Klaus drove us home, he said to his dad, “I’ll bet you’re really ready for a nap.”

“You’re not kidding,” Nate replied, his passenger seat all the way back and his eyes pinched closed.

Once back at the cottage, he walked in the door and straight upstairs, skipping lunch in the process. The rain was still pounding on the roof as the two of us climbed back into bed. Outside the windows it was dark and stormy… a good day for a long nap.

“It is vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors; for He gives to His beloved even in his sleep.” (Psalm 127:2 NASB)

Making friends with a rock

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As we drove toward Chicago for radiation #8 today, Nate’s cell phone rang repeatedly. Each call was from a client. I listened to his end of the conversations while the miles ticked off on our familiar route. Suddenly I noticed something strange. Instead of answering legal questions, he was answering personal ones.

“Well, it started in the pancreas. Yes, radiation. Probably chemo. Not for a few weeks. No, not that bad.”

One after another, business acquaintances called to express concern for Nate, and it dawned on me that during his 37 years of lawyering, many of his strictly-business clients had become good friends. After discovering his diagnosis, they were now checking in. I marveled that he had an entire circle of support I knew nothing about.

Last year Louisa and Birgitta were waiting impatiently for Nate one Sunday morning after church. Brunch was next on the agenda, and they were anxious to get to it.

“Where’s Papa?” Birgitta asked.

“Oh you know him,” Louisa answered. “He’s probably chatting somewhere with someone he never met before. He could make friends with a rock.”

I loved the creative way she complimented her father’s interest in conversing with people. His favorite subjects are history, politics and current events, but it doesn’t stop there. He’s fascinated by the stories of people’s lives and has an uncanny ability to remember the details they offer.

This afternoon, on our return car trip, Nate was extremely tired. The doctor had increased his radiation and added an x-ray appointment afterwards. When he was finally settled at home in his lazy-boy, he breathed a sigh of relief and began opening the mail. In it was a letter from an office colleague who loved teasing him because he loved teasing her back. She’s a woman who’s fought her own battle with cancer and can honestly say she understands.

She wrote, “This place isn’t the same without you here. Everyone asks about you all the time. You are always in our hearts. There aren’t words…”

The letter said other important things too, each line a proof of friendship. Although Nate’s day included many low points, these business friends buoyed him greatly through their calls, cards and a powerful letter. It even gave me a boost as I watched this phenomenon unfold.

As for making friends with a rock, that turns out to be a pretty good idea:

“I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.” (Psalm 18:1-2a)