Singing in the bedroom

Posted on October 1, 2009 by Margaret

As Nate was getting dressed this morning, I was across the room organizing his closet, bringing the most comfy clothes to the middle and sliding the suits to the end. All of a sudden he began to sing, very softly and to himself. I stopped what I was doing and listened.

Nate is tone deaf and hasn’t sung in church for years, after one condemning experience. He was trying to sing on-key (without success) when the lady in front of him turned all the way around to look directly at him and make sure he saw her disapproval. He stopped mid-chorus and hasn’t sung in church since.

He knows the words to most of the songs in the hymn book (along with the words to all of the Elvis Presley tunes). He’s also aware of his tendency to sing off-key and knows this makes on-key singing difficult for those around him. But I’ve tried to convince him our worship singing arrives in heaven as melodious music, no matter what the ability of the songster. (I’m not sure about the Elvis songs.) Although we’ve all encouraged Nate to sing, nothing can convince him.

TODAY, however, he was singing. The tune was nothing I recognized, and maybe it was just miscellaneous notes strung together. But as I listened, it loosely resembled a chorus we sang often at Moody Church while I was growing up:

“Trusting as the moments fly,

Trusting as the days go by,

Trusting him whate’er befalls,

Trusting Jesus, that is all.”

Maybe our new slow-release pain pills were doing a fabulous job. I prefer to think it was the Lord reaching down with yet another gift. Against all logic, he blessed Nate with joy at his core, deep in his heart, despite the horrendous circumstances of his deteriorating physical life.

I got a gift this morning, too. Having awoken with tears trickling out even before I opened my eyes, I was lifted from that low place to a place of well-being, right at the start of another difficult day.

“The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him.” (Nahum 1:7)

Bearing burdens

Posted on September 30, 2009 by Margaret

The hospital we’re using for radiation treatments is located in a labyrinth of superhighway lanes, on/off ramps and directional signs. We’ve made many mistakes trying to find a fool-proof route but nailed it today, making good time from Michigan and arriving early for the appointment.

Parking attendants were cheerful, offering to park our car free of charge, a special perk for radiation patients. Inside the front door a warm greeting awaited behind the desk, with our doctor and his resident standing just beyond that. It was as if we were arriving to a happy social occasion.

Treatment #2 went off without a hitch, and so far there’s been no skin damage to the three sites. The nurse gave Nate a quick physical: BP good, pulse good, blood gases good but another five pounds lost in a week, which now totals 44. She suggested we set up a meeting with their nutritionist to design a high calorie eating plan for Nate. Chocolate pudding, here we come.

During a meeting with our doctors, the last part of today’s appointments, they learned of a fall Nate had had yesterday. He’d lost his balance and hit his head hard on a door frame as he landed. To be safe rather than sorry, the doctor recommended a brain scan, completed today if possible. “Just in case there is a small bleed, we need to know. The last thing we want is to add anything to his health burden.”

As the staff worked to set up the scan, Nate and I returned to the radiation waiting room where we met my lawyer-brother Tom and brand new lawyer Rob, for a quick meeting. Tom and Rob had come to remove business pressure from Nate’s mind by learning more about Nate’s legal cases. They are gradually taking them over. My brother and my husband have officed together for nineteen years. “You’re a fixture around there,” Tom said, “and everybody really misses you.”

Although I pretended to read two new booklets on radiation and nutrition, I enjoyed peeking at these three legal eagles as they put their heads together over accordion folders and pages of notes. Two things happened: 1) a massive burden was transferred from Nate’s shoulders to theirs, and 2) Nate’s pain meds began to wear off, which quickly showed in his pinched expression. At the end of ninety minutes, they closed the books, and we left for the brain scan. Nate’s exhaustion required a wheel chair to get him down the long halls to the imaging center, but in less than an additional hour, the scan was completed. As for results, no news will be good news.

When we arrived home, dinner was waiting. My sister had produced another spaghetti feast! Nate only ate a few bites, but just the thought of spaghetti on his plate for several more nights brought him pleasure. In the freezer, we learned later, were meals to last a long time! Friends had baked and frozen many goodies, lovingly lifting burdens from my shoulders. It had been another day full of blessing and benefit.

“Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)

Chuckling

Posted on September 29, 2009 by Margaret

This morning arrived with wild wind and spit-like rain. It was still dark as we loaded the van and climbed in with our coffees, headed for Nate’s first radiation treatment. Normally I would have been behind the wheel for the 108 mile trip, but Nelson wanted to share this experience with us and kindly took my place.

As we sped along, Nate riding shotgun and me in back, I observed father and son. They conversed steadily and even chuckled together, a sound that washed over me like a balm. There hasn’t been too much levity at our house recently.

Suddenly Nelson braked and pulled sharply onto the left shoulder. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Look behind us,” he said.

Pulling up close was a police car, bubble gum lights flashing. My heart sank, because I’d just told Nelson they’d raised the speed limit, which proved inaccurate for this section of highway. I wished I’d been driving and could have taken the ticket, despite his record being clean and mine being, uh, dirty.

After scowling and quizzing Nelson about his speed, the officer went to his car, eventually returning with license and ticket. “You have a total disregard for everything,” he said. “You’ve got to slow down. I’m giving you a warning.” And he was gone.

As we merged back onto the expressway, we were all chuckling about Nelson’s supposed “disregard” for not just traffic rules but for absolutely “everything”. And laughter turned to amazement when we talked about the gift of a warning instead of the penalty of a ticket. All of us saw it as one more touch of kindness from the Lord. “Whatever is good… comes down to us from God our Father.” (James 1:17a)

We arrived on time for radiation treatment #1, which was a breeze for Nate. No claustrophobic tube to slide into and no pain in the treatment process. Friendly techs announced, “Now we’re going to Grant Park,” as pictures of Chicago’s beautiful lake front came into view during his “zapping”.

He returned to the lobby saying, “So far, so good.”

Tomorrow we repeat the process. Maybe then he’ll get to “go” to Millennium Park or the Chicago River as the radiation does its work. In the next few days, doctors said, his skin will redden at the three radiation sites and then feel sunburned, possibly blistering after that. “But with our magic creams,” they assured us, “we’ll make it easy.” We trust them and hope they’re telling the full truth.

Driving home while eating Subway sandwiches, we watched for speed limit signs. Nate was tired but talkative, and as we rounded the bottom of the lake headed for home, all three of us agreed it had been a very good day.

“I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them, and make them rejoice from their sorrow.” (Jeremiah 31:13)