Category Archives: God’s plans for us

Newlywed Love (#110)

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October 20-23, 1970

As the days passed, we didn’t see or hear from either Cathy or John. Our history had been to check in with each other frequently, and it wasn’t unusual for us to get together 3-4 times a week.

But our last conversation had ended badly with unresolved tension over the differences in our spiritual beliefs. As Nate and I talked about it further, I got an idea that was probably from God. Never once had Cathy and I done something apart from our guys. So I thought I’d reach out to her just one-on-one, two wives trying to be friends.

Nate thought the idea had promise, so I called Cathy. We talked without any strain, and then she came up with a great suggestion… a way to spend time together while also being productive. As a team of two, we would home-make all our Christmas gifts.

Just CathyThe next day she came over for coffee, and neither of us brought up her amorous professor or the subject of open marriage. Instead we listed gift ideas that would be inexpensive and fun to make – candles, chocolates, simple sewing items, and maybe some knitted things.

Cathy had a natural ability to organize and troubleshoot (skills I lacked), so she would assemble our supplies, and I would develop the ideas of how to use them.

A few days later we began by melting chunks of wax in my double boiler, coloring them with stubs of broken crayons I’d gleaned from my school’s waste baskets. At the end of the evening, we had several finished products and were ready to run a test on one of them. Hopefully it would actually burn.

Which two...It lit right up, and our victory shout was loud enough to bring Nate from his paper-writing. Never mind that the candle burned down twice as fast a store-bought version. It had a flame, it was a candle, and we were thrilled.

Gradually we worked out an efficient assembly line and were churning out all kinds of candles, no two alike — some thin, others fat, and some hand-shaped in rough-looking balls. When they were all lined up on my pull-down ironing board, they were an impressive sight.

But best of all was that Cathy and I had deepened our friendship without a hint of tension. As we parted, we set a date to start making chocolates.

Fanny May“I know how to do hand-dipping that will look as good as Fanny May!” she said. Both of our extended families loved chocolate candy, and we couldn’t wait to get started on Phase 2 of the Christmas Gift Adventure — and to continue growing a new friendship.

“Just as you want others to do for you, do the same for them.” (Luke 6:31)

Newlywed Love (#109)

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October 15-18, 1970

As the week passed, we eagerly awaited Mary and Bervin’s call about their baby. I told Nate, “She must feel like a ticking time bomb.”

ConcordsWhen I finally decided to call her, she was in the middle of making grape jelly from Concords growing in their back yard. No idle sitting and waiting for her.

And then it happened! On Thursday, October 15, Bervin let us know they had become the parents of a healthy baby boy named Luke Charles —

8 pounds 9 ounces with mother and baby doing great!

Baby LukeThis news sent me into a happy tailspin like a wild kite that couldn’t decide where to fly. I wanted to jump in the car immediately and head for Chicago, but when I finally talked to Mary, she said I should wait. She and Luke would be in the hospital for 5 more days, and visiting time was limited to the father and two approved visitors per day for just a few minutes each.

Swedish Covenant Hospital was determined to protect new moms from overdoing, and strict visiting hours were part of that. Mary invited us to come the following weekend, October 24-25, when they would be home.

Mom was ecstatic about her first grandchild and waxed eloquent in her diary:

Thank you, Wonderful Lord. Thank you! Luke will always belong to you first. By 7:00 we were at the hospital and saw LIL LUKE! The 4 of us stood and adored the wee boy. Our cup is full and running over indeed! Called Margaret and Tom…

Mom's diary, Oct. 15

Meanwhile Mom was limited in her visiting time, too, and wouldn’t get to actually hold Luke till he was at home. It would be a challenge for her even then, because she had taken a fall a few days earlier, badly breaking her arm and bruising her tailbone.

Mom holding LukeHer cast and the constant pain reoriented her life in an unwelcome way. Mom loved to work hard, and being side-lined was the worst possible fate for her. She didn’t take it well.

Her first loss was having to stop playing the Moody Church organ for 6-7 weeks. She also had garden bulbs she had hoped to plant, along with several small trees. And there was her annual fall canning project — cherries, peaches, applesauce, grape jelly, and tomatoes.

She’d also had scheduled herself to lay some indoor-outdoor carpeting, paint the sun porch, and organize the small greenhouse she and Dad maintained through the winter. Her entertaining schedule was packed with hosting dinners at home, as well as cooking every week at the all-church supper.

She was hoping to antique four chairs, rake the yard, and bring potted plants inside before the first freeze. Dad understood her struggle but did his best to slow her down. “If you overdo, the bone won’t heal right.” But he knew his warnings were falling on deaf ears. After all, it was MOM.

Dad admiresShe wouldn’t be a typical orthopedic case… nor would she ever be a typical grandma.

“I know your deeds, your love and faith, your service and perseverance, and that you are now doing more than you did at first.” (Revelation 2:19)

Newlywed Love (#106)

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October 7, 1970

Nate continued his industrious studying, and I did my best to help him. The tapping of our typewriter was the music of our evenings. Once in a while, when we both needed a break, we’d call Cathy and John to see if they needed a break, too.

CakeOn one of those evenings we invited them over for a quick cup of coffee and a piece of chocolate cake at 8:30 – but our quick break didn’t end till after midnight.

Nate and I brought up something from our Sunday school class that was Bible-based, which made no sense to either Cathy or John – who had no personal faith in Christ.

When they left, there was a new tension in the air between us. Something had changed, and as Nate and I did the dishes, we tried to figure it out. How could four good friends fail to come together by the end of the evening? We’d been pals since Nate and I had gotten engaged and had never had a break in the relationships.

We wondered if maybe they were unhappy as a married couple. They never said so and seemed to love each other, but John had quit law school and wasn’t working either. Maybe that big shift was taking a toll on them both.

We tried to recall anything we’d discussed over our cake that might have offended. One thing that stood out was when Cathy told us about her professor making a pass at her on several different days.

“Wow!” I said. “Didn’t he see your wedding ring?”

“Yes, but that didn’t seem to bother him.”

Three's a crowdThat’s when we refilled our coffee cups and began round-tabling the subject of open marriage. Nate and I had talked about this new trend weeks earlier with a different set of friends, astounded that any thinking person would condone such an idea – husbands and wives inviting other partners into their relationship.                                                                                   (Illustration by Ben Barrett-Forrest/The Globe and Mail)

But there we were, chatting with close friends… and they liked this bizarre idea, too. We tried to convince them it would destroy their marriage, while they tried to convince us it was the open-minded, free-thinking, modern way to live.

The chasm between our opinions widened as the hours of our chocolate-cake-break passed, and our introducing God’s Word into the mix only made matters worse.

God's instructionAs Nate and I covered the leftover cake and turned out the kitchen light, we concluded it was these opposing views that were responsible for the tension between us. Scripture was black and white about marriage, but our friends saw marriage as evolving into something different… to suit the times.

 

We worried about Cathy’s welfare in light of her professor’s advances. Though she assured us she wasn’t interested in this particular man, would she eventually say yes to someone else? And if she did, how could John really be OK with that?

We also wondered if tonight’s friction would cloud our next get-together. Would the same discussion continue where we left off? Or would we go back to being compatible by just avoiding the topic? And most concerning of all, would we still be friends?

“Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.” (Proverbs 18:24, The Message)